Indigo Skies
by The Only Pancake
Summary: Jasper left Bella, and she needed Jacob for stability. She finds peace in him, but when Jasper comes back, she questions everything she has grown know. Cullen/Werewolf drama will ensue. My JxB version of New Moon and Eclipse. Sequel to Darkest Before Dawn
1. Bowl, Mouth, Swallow

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A/N: This is the sequel to my story Darkest Before Dawn. See my profile for a detailed summary of this fi

_I am dedicating the first chapter of this story to Sopranoandbass, because she always brings a smile to my face. :D_

_A huge thanks goes to be new and awesome beta, Starchii._

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**Preface**

_Have you guys ever heard of the word 'repression'?_

_I always knew what it was, as most of us do. I knew what I had read, the basics._

_That your mind, to protect it's self, would force all memory of something painful away from you._ _Sounds simple, right?_

Wrong.

_It has been almost four entire months since a certain someone left me. I didn't_ want_ to let go of the memories, I wanted to keep them._

_I tried to cling onto them with every fiber of my being._

_But the mind must protect it's self. Every time I began to sob, every time I woke up screaming, a little bit more of him slipped away from me._

_For two weeks that was how things went. When thinking about him made my body began to throb, made me feel like I was falling apart where I stood, anything connected to him started being stuffed away in a little black box._

_First, it was the little moments we had spent together, the ones I had treasured so much. The ones that were the most important- therefore the most painful- faded away._

_Then it was _him_. The sharp features of his face started to blur. The exact shade of his hair became harder to remember. The sound of his voice became so jumbled and distorted I couldn't recognize it._

_Now, the name 'Jasper' is just that to me, a name and nothing more._

_When I tried to think about him, everything came up black. Missing patches of my mind that I was completely and totally unable to recollect. They were gone._ _I couldn't even, honestly, tell you if that bothered me or not._

_That was how tightly my Jasper Box was sealed._

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_Bowl. Mouth. Swallow._

_Bowl. Mouth. Swallow._

Have you ever had one of those days where you have to mentally will yourself to do something terribly simple and mundane?

Something like remembering how to feed yourself cereal?

I was having one of those days.

Actually, this was the 125th day that's been like this.

That's how long it's been since September 16th. The day my heart was broken, the day I became such a lifeless shell.

"Mama?" Silas's voice entered my ears and I snapped my eyes up, looking at him from where he sat across the table.

My little Silas had been my anchor. If I didn't have him depending on me, I think I might have actually cracked. I would have lost complete control of my mental functions and just broke down.

But I knew that he needed a mother; now more then ever. He _needed_ me to be sensible, he needed me to be able to function.

I needed him to maintain some shred of sanity, so the pair of us had quite the wonderful system going on.

Silas smiled at me, "Guess what, mama?"

I forced a smile, trying to make it as convincing as possible. It was a pathetic attempt, but at least it was enough to fool a little kid.

I asked with mock-cheer, "What, baby?"

He pointed to the calendar, "It's the eighteenth!"

Oh, yes, I remembered. Now that he reminded me, that is.

Today, we were all going over to the Clearwaters' for dinner. 'All' being us Swans'and the Blacks'.

One hundred and twenty four days ago, Jacob took on the challenge of a lifetime. He proposed that he would fix me. For 124 days, I refused to let him.

I had wanted the pain, I had needed the pain, because if I let it go away I wouldn't be able to feel anything anymore. I feared the numbness, so I had to hold onto whatever I could to assure myself I was still alive.

I'm tired of the pain.

If I could just remember bowl, mouth, swallow, then I knew I was alive. As long as I gave myself the three things that I needed, I couldn't die.

Those things were food, sleep, and oxygen.

I didn't like any of it. Eating upset my stomach, sleeping brought the nightmares, and every single time I breathed my heart jolted me- reminding me that it's still broken and

begging me to get it fixed.

Today, I planned on seeking the help it needs. I knew quite the mechanic, and I knew that I was first on his list of things to repair.

I smiled again, a small but genuine smile, and answered Silas, "I'm looking forward to it just as much as you are."

After a few seconds he asked, "Can we go there early?"

Seth Clearwater, a boy of fourteen years, was my babysitter. He was very gentle and kind, and becoming very attached to Silas. I supposed you could say he's taken on the older brother role.

Silas needed some male influence in his life. Charlie didn't have the first clue on what to do with a little boy. Jacob was now my default first choice, but until I could start getting them together, I would settle for it being Seth.

I decided, "We can get there a little early, sure."

He perked up and asked, "Can I bring Morris so Seth can meet him?"

For Christmas, I had bought Silas a little half-gallon tank so he could take Morris places every now and then.

I laughed heartlessly, "Sure we can. Are you done?"

I gestured to his bowl and he nodded. Taking his, and my own, I walked over to the sink and poured the extra milk out.

Silas bounced over to me and hugged my leg, "I love you, mama."

Love was such a foreign word to me now. It used to have such a powerful and meaningful place in my heart. But now there was only one love I could physically accept, and that was the one between mother and son.

That was it.

The friendly love I used to have with Mike, Eric, Angela, Jessica, and sometimes Tyler was not important to me anymore.

The love I had for my mother and even Phil was not important.

Even the very close bond I had developed with Charlie was useless to me.

The sole thing in life that I _wanted_ to care about was Silas.

I knew it was not healthy, but I couldn't help it, could I?

I picked Silas up and hugged him, kissing his cheek. "Mama loves you too, baby. More then anything."

He pulled a folded picture out of his shirt pocket and opened it up. "More than him?"

Turning the paper around he confronted me with a photograph of Jasper and me, the day of his senior graduation.

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_Well, was it worth the wait? I told you guys I would try to get it before March. I'm very excited about this fic, I hope the rest of you are as well._

_I'm going to be doing something new here, too. At the end of each chapter, starting tomarrow, I will recommend a story or one-shot I think everyone should go and read. I have no problem with advertising other works if they are enjoyable!_

_Anyway, I am getting long winded. So... Review!_

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	2. Memories

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This chapter is dedicated to shaelove. You know why.

_I want to again that you all for reviewing. I just about died of happy when I realized I had 71 reviews for just the first chapter. I love you people. A lot. xD_

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Un-invited, little shreds of conversations I once had returned to me in a flood.

_You dropped this._

_Walk much?_

The hurt never left me, like everything else had. But now that I was forced to look at him, forced to think about why I was hurting, everything my mind had carefully worked to hide was springing forward.

_So you know that I am not like you. I'm not human._

_You look so pretty when you're scared._

_Bella, am I not affectionate enough to you?_

I felt my chest flare with an angry fire and my throat tightened. I bit my bottom lip as my eyes began to water and tears slid down my cheeks.

_Bella, I don't _want _you, I _need_ you._

_This barely counts as fun, sugar bear._

_What's on your mind, hon'? You're practically leaking rainbows._

_How about it, mama? You know I can't do this alone._

Silas's curious demeanor flickered to uncertainty the moment I started to cry. He frowned and quickly lowered the picture, connecting the fact that it was the cause for my sudden burst of unwanted emotion.

_Then you could really join the family, and we __could__ have forever together._

_Bella, will you marry me?_

Everything had gone so wrong so terribly fast. The happily ever after that I never once asked for was ripped away from me. The man that I loved, so desperately that he was able to break me with just a few words, was no longer a part of my life.

_I can't make it go away, Bella, not this time._

_Bella, we need to talk._

_We need to talk... We need to talk... We need to talk..._

I tried to ignore the flashes of things coming out of my Jasper Box. I had to remain strong. If I broke down, if I was pulled under this current, I was never going to resurface.

Silas whispered, "I'm sorry, mama, I was just asking."

A broken smile spread across my face and I laughed bitterly. "It's okay, Silas. Mama was just thinking, that's all."

He stuffed the picture in his pocket again and leaned forward, wrapping his arms around my neck and pressing his cheek onto my shoulder.

I pushed my nose into his hair and walked into the living room, sitting on the couch with him.

I decided I should answer his question, because it was an important one.

I gently patted his back and I promised, "I love you more than him too, baby. He isn't here anymore; it's just you and me now. Mama kind of likes it that way, don't you?"

He asked me, "Don't I need a daddy, though?"

I looked down into his bright eyes and told him, "I never really had one, you know. I didn't live with grandpa Charlie for a long, long time. When I was little like you, it was just me and my mom. We did just fine."

Silas grinned, "I'll take care of you, mama!"

I was surprised to realize how much things had changed. I was always the caretaker, since the day I turned seven. I was the mature one and the strong one.

Now I needed to be _taken care of_.

I was just an empty shell, a broken specimen of what I used to be. I needed my almost-kindergarten age son to look after me.

I asked, "Silas, why don't you go get Morris? I bet Jacob would love to meet him."

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I wrote dad a note telling him we were already in La Push, and soon pulled into the Black's driveway.

I carried the turtle's little glass tank while Silas ran ahead and knocked on the door.

It opened, and Jacob found himself staring at us.

He grinned, "Hey guys! You're both early."

Silas reported, "Mama said Billy would tell me some stories!"

Jacob laughed, "He's in the kitchen, why don't you go and ask him?"

I handed him the tank and warned, "Don't run." He nodded and shuffled across the living room, entering the kitchen. I sat down on the couch with Jacob.

He asked me, "How have you been?" I could see the worry in his eyes, and hear the tension in his voice. He was afraid of my answer, because the last nine times he's asked, it wasn't a positive one.

Mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. That sounds about right. I sighed and admitted, "Tired. _Very_ tired."

He looked sympathetic, but he didn't offer any words of condolence. I wouldn't have wanted any, so I didn't complain.

He shifted closer to me and wrapped his arm around me. I looked up at him, and it was then that I noticed.

I commented, "You've gotten taller."

He nodded, "Three inches since October! Working on the Rabbit is building my muscles too, with all those heavy pieces."

I asked, "What's the Rabbit?"

He sprang to his feet, pulling me up with him. "I'll show you! C'mon out to the garage."

We flounced into the garage and he gestured towards the car sitting on the right half of it. "That's the Rabbit. It's going to be a great car, once I find all the parts and fix it up so it runs."

I asked him something about it, and ended up watching while he added something else. Wrapping my arms around myself, I settled onto the floor and leaned back against the wall.

My mind unfocused on him after a while and I stared off into space. All it took was one little picture, one innocent question, to force waves of anguish upon me. I could see his face, hear his voice, and feel him against me even though he wasn't here.

Do you know what I would give for that little bit of special morphine right now? Just to take the edge off…

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jacob plopped beside me, his eyes dark and anxious.

Was I _that_ obvious?

I feigned confidence, "Nothing's wrong, Jacob, why?"

He narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing me. After a few long seconds he accused, "You're lying to me."

He knew me better than I guess I ever noticed. I didn't have enough fight in me to keep up the act.

I sighed, just giving in without an argument. "Since Jasper left, I haven't really been able to think about him, did you know that? The harder I tried the less I could remember."

Jacob nodded, silently willing me to continue.

I confessed, "I thought I had wanted to remember. That I _needed_ to remember. Today, all of a sudden, it's all back. Every moment we spent together. It's all so sharp and real."

I had to bite back tears when I whispered, "And it _hurts_. So bad that I wish I could forget again."

I didn't ever want to forget, but I had to choose the lesser of two evils. I was already broken, and if I never stop reflecting on why, I would never be fixed.

Jacob took my hand in his, giving it a supportive little squeeze. He gently pointed out, "The longer you run away from it the longer it's going to haunt you. When mom died the same thing kind of happened to me. I tried to erase her from my memory, because I thought it would help."

I asked hopefully, "Did it?"

He laughed a little, a sad laugh. "Not at all. I just found a way to keep the most I could out of the memories. Learned to live happily and accept that the times we had together were all we'd ever get, so I shouldn't try to fight them away."

Hearing him tell me that made me feel a little better. I suppose I could try to make the most of it.

I had some great, wonderful, times with Jasper Whitlock, and even though I wish I had more, I couldn't.

That's what he was telling me, and it made sense.

I smiled at Jacob, who smiled back.

I couldn't have any morphine for the pain, but maybe, just _maybe_, a band-aid would be able to do the trick.

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_The first story I will recommend is_ Midnight Margaritas_ written by _Writerwithabite_. It's a Jasper/Bella full of funny and sweet moments you are sure to love._

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	3. Not Even A Werewolf

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This chapter is dedicated to Romance4eva, because you review all of my stories, and that means a lot to me.

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After dinner, we drifted into two groups.

Dad, Billy, Harry, Sue, and Leah were all in the living room talking about something or another.

Jacob, Seth, Silas, and I were on the back porch. Seth was playing with Silas in the yard.

Jacob asked me suddenly, "Bella, you work at Newton's place, right?"

I didn't need the money, if you could all remember. That's not the reason I took the job Mike offered to me. I did it because I had needed a distraction. Something, anything, to keep my mind off of a honey blonde with golden eyes.

I nodded.

He asked, "What are they saying down there about these bear sightings?"

I blinked and asked, "Bear sightings?"

Seth stopped running and glanced at us. He looked grave. "Some of the people around have seen this really huge bear. The reporters think we're crazy, but they're wrong. The bear _is_ out there. Leah saw it once when she was in the forest near the coast."

I frowned, "Why didn't I hear about this before?"

Jacob cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Well, it was in the papers, if you ever read them."

I knew what he really meant. He just didn't want to say it. Four long months I hadn't noticed anything that was going on around me. I've been in a permanent and total sleep state up until yesterday.

I could only tell you what month it was because I have a calendar right beside my bed, and Silas has fun drawing a new picture on the new square each morning. Just look for the newest one, and you find the date.

I thought really hard to see if I could remember anything about this bear. I _think _some hikers were arguing over it yesterday.

I shrugged, "I think some guys saw it, but don't ask what they said."

Silas came running over to me, falling into my lap. He complained, "I'm tired, mama!"

The little attention I had been paying Jacob instantly shifted onto Silas. He was the center of my world, and that was never going to change.

I smiled and hugged him close to me. "Let's go ask grandpa if he's ready to go home yet."

I stood up and he relaxed into my arms and waved at Seth from over my shoulder.

Jacob opened the door for me and asked hopefully, "Are you coming back to La Push sometime soon?"

Today was great. My body was throbbing, but it was a _little_ bearable with these guys around. I didn't feel like I was suffocating. I could breathe here in La Push.

I could breathe and not choke on all of the agony inside of me.

I smiled at Jacob and agreed, "I think I'd like that. When do you want us?"

He suggested, "Wednesday, maybe?"

I smiled a tiny bit, "That sounds great."

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My alarm clock went off at six, like it always does.

I smacked it off and sat up, surprised to see Silas was out of bed. He sat on the floor by the window, and he had the calendar.

I asked him, "Why are you up so early?"

He smiled at me, "Grandpa says today is special, so I wanted to do something special."

I asked, "What day is it?"

It was the nineteenth, right? I was pretty sure.

Silas bounded onto the bed and displayed the calendar, "It's your one year birthday of being in Forks."

I smiled and corrected him, "Anniversary, not birthday."

He shrugged and handed me the calendar.

I felt my heart pulse with white fire when I saw a picture staring back at me. It was a small picture of Alice and Edward, taped on very carefully.

Today was the day I met them, and Jasper, one year ago.

The day I got a ride to school with friendly, perky, little Alice.

The day Jasper and I had the gym incident that started it all.

The day I still had dreams, and nightmares, about.

I felt my throat tighten and had to bite my bottom lip hard to distract myself. I felt myself starting to fall apart again.

I missed them all. I missed Esme and Carlisle. I missed Edward and Alice. I missed Emmett, and even Rosalie.

I didn't miss Jasper, though.

I craved him, my heart cried for him, but I _hated _him. He did this to me. He broke me. He knew he did, and he just left me.

Silas asked, "Well, do you like it mama?"

I smiled, and I died a little on the inside because of it. "I love it, thanks baby."

He beamed and bounced out of the room, down to the kitchen.

Only once he was gone did I let the tears fall. I crumpled back onto my bed and hugged myself, squeezing hard. I took a few unsteady breaths as I tried to fight off the ache that began to take over my body.

I was trying in vain.

I didn't think I would be going to school today, after all.

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Things were bad again. _Really_ bad. The floodgate was opened.

Two days ago I had accepted my losses. I finally had to admitted to myself that I was hurting over losing my second family.

In doing so, I tore myself apart from the inside out.

It was Wednesday. I had not gotten out of bed since Monday.

I was trying fruitlessly to fix myself. I was resorting to the one thing that I knew would work. I was trying to close my Jasper Box again. This time it didn't work, though. It wasn't just a _Jasper_ Box that I needed anymore. I needed a _Cullen_ Box, and I just didn't have the strength left in my heart to close them all away.

I ignored the knock on the door. Silas wiggled out of my arms where he had been snuggled and ran across the room, pulling it open. Jacob was standing there.

His big brown eyes were shocking to look into. He looked sad, sympathetic, and understanding at the same time. He looked years older then he was. That one look had so much depth to it that I didn't have a clue how much was possibly running through his mind.

He announced needlessly, "I didn't think you'd be up for a trip, so I came to see you."

I watched him as he walked across the room and sat on the bed with me. Silas bounced in between us. He leaned against my stomach and I wrapped my arm around him. His little hands played with my fingers and he glared at Jacob.

I realized immediately that he was trying to protect me. He could tell that I was weak, so he was stepping in as my wall. That made me smile a little.

Jacob asked me, "What's the matter, Bells? You were happy last time I saw you."

I didn't want to think about it, but I told him, "I was just remembering them, that's all."

I wished I could tell him more. So much more.

I wanted him to know about everything. How many times Jasper was here for me. How many secret moments the two of us shared. I wanted him to know _everything_, because then he would understand. I wouldn't be the only one anymore who knew.

But I couldn't betray their secret. Nobody could know what the Cullen family really was, not even a werewolf.

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I sat up suddenly, staring at Jacob with large eyes.

Werewolf!

I had completely forgotten!

I was so caught up in everything else that I forgot the conversation I had last Memorial day.

Jacob looked startled by my sudden, erratic, actions.

He asked me warily, "Bella, are you okay?"

I just stared at him blankly. My mind went totally numb, I had no clue what to say.

My sudden shell-shock seemed to freak both of them out.

Silas tugged on my shirt to try and get my attention.

Jacob whimpered, "Talk to me Bella, please? Tell me what's wrong."

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_Today's fic is _Sewing The Wounds_ written by _The Lamb Loves The Lion_. (I love you, Simba! :D) It's a heart-wrenching Jasper/Alice that sucks you in every chapter. It's my absolute favorite of hers._

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	4. JPOV, Russia

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This chapter is dedicated to everyone who suggested some JPOV chapters. Hence, this was born.

_therecordwontstopskipping: I suppose if you leave a note, then it isn't kidnapping. Just make sure you bring him back, Bella needs him. ^_^_

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_Jasper's POV_

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We had been living in Lensk for 126 days. Today was the nineteenth. It had been exactly one year since I met Bella.

I was lying on the couch, staring at the same picture I had been staring at for the past four months. The family photo Esme took.

Not _the_ family, _my_ family.

I had Silas sitting on top of my shoulders, and Bella leaning back into my chest as all three of us waved for the camera.

My whole being clutched with agony, like it did every time I looked at the picture. Glimpses of my most precious memories flittered through my head.

_Would you like to go to the dance with me next month?_

_Did you suggest I skip school to take you for a ride in my truck?_

_Jasper, what __are__ you?_

_Every second that I spend with you my life is literally in your hands, and you keep me safe. I think you deserve my undivided faith._

_I would have put a flag on for you._

_No, we can stay up here for as long as you want. I trust you._

_Tell him I was running up your stairs and fell over the banister. It sounds like something I would do._

_You heard right, Jasper. You can touch me wherever you want._

_Just shut up and kiss me, cowboy._

_We should go golfing more._

_Well, dad, I adopted him. Jasper and I both did. Say Hi, grandpa._

_When did you realize you had fallen in love with me?_

_One day it will happen. One day you will be my husband!_

_Jasper, w-what's going on? Can't you make the burn stop?_

_It's okay, Jasper, I know it was just an accident._

_Please don't do this to me, Jasper._

I groaned miserably and tossed the picture onto the ground. Holding it made my hand burn with shame.

I'll never be able to forget that look in her eyes right before I left. The heartbreak.

I will _never_ forget that impossibly horrible stab of anguish that seared through her entire body.

I _hurt_ her. I _abandoned_ her. I _broke_ her. And for _what_?

"For her safety." I didn't jump at the unexpected voice. Edward was constantly answering my unasked questions.

I fought to hold myself together. "Edward, it isn't worth it. We should have stayed. I could have distanced myself just a little and stayed. We'd still have each other, then."

Silas would still have a father, too.

"Jasper." Edward sounded thoroughly scolding. "Don't be ridiculous. If you had stayed, they'd both be dead."

I argued weakly, "Alice never saw that."

Edward firmly reminded me, "Alice isn't God. She can't see everything that _could_ happen."

I sighed.

He continued, "_You_ saw it, though, Jasper. I know you did. You knew that one day, you were going to snap."

I didn't want to hear this. "Shut up, Edward."

I would not have snapped! I did fine for almost a year. It's wasn't until the blood actually broke the skin did I lose myself.

Edward kept antagonizing me, "You did lose yourself, though. You bit her."

I sat bolt upright and glared at him from across the room. "I let go!"

He shrugged. "You still bit her. How did it taste, Jasper? Did the life force of your mate satisfy your burning throat?"

I crouched down, coiled to spring at him. A fearsome snarl bubbled out of my chest, _Knock it off, Edward! I'm _not _kidding._

Edward sprang off of the table. "No. You need to hear this, Jasper. You need to come to terms with what happened, or you'll never be cautious of it when you return to her. Alice _has_ seen _that_."

I mentally flinched. Alice knew I was weak. Edward knew it. _I_ knew it.

Twice now I had decided I wanted to give up and go back to them. Twice Alice had seen me attacking one of them.

I knew that, but I didn't want to accept it. Edward was right.

I was too aggressive right now to stop myself, though. Instinctively, I launched myself at my brother.

Rather than move out of the way he sprang and we collided in the center of the room. I pinned him down and clamped onto his shoulder. He snarled and jammed both feet into my stomach, kicking out and flinging me across the room.

The wooden walls of our log shack cracked right down the middle.

Edward rolled onto his feet and growled.

I jumped at him again, but he didn't have the chance to fight back. Alice got in the way.

Only, unfortunately for her, I didn't realize it was Alice until _after_ I bit her.

My hot venom pulsed into her neck and she squealed.

I instantly released her and we both clattered roughly to the ground. Alice shot forward and grabbed Edward, intercepting him as he tried to attack me for harming his mate.

I knelt down, but it was in submission this time. I sent out a calming sensation, directing it right to Edward. His body unwillingly relaxed. His eyes were still black and furious, though.

Alice kissed his collarbone and promised gently, "It was not his fault, Edward. Leave him alone."

Only once I felt Edward's masked anger evaporate did I stop manipulating him into my bubble of protective relaxation.

I didn't take my eyes off of Edward when I asked, "Alice, are you alright?"

I could feel her discomfort. She was not used to pain, but she was dealing with it just fine.

She honestly answered, "It's not as bad as it could be. You didn't hold on long enough to inject a lot."

Alice gave Edward 'the look.'

My brother sighed, and then tried to make friends again. "I'm sorry about handling it that way, Jasper. You _do_ need to think about what's happened, though. You've been avoiding it for too long. If you ever want to go back, you have to grow as a vampire. You will always be held back if you keep rejecting your mistakes."

I stood back up and crossed the room, sinking onto the couch again. "It's difficult to think about it. I _hate_ what I am. I _hate_ knowing that I am a bloodthirsty monster."

Alice sat beside me, gently settling her hand on mine. "Jasper, you are not a monster. You are a vampire. Vampires are supposed to crave human blood. Your past has made it more challenging to resist than the rest of us. _Bella knows the risk_. You need to stop being so hard on yourself."

I turned my head away from her, brooding. Maybe she was right, but what if she wasn't? What if I would never be able to be near them? I didn't think I could survive that.

Edward cleared his throat. "Jasper, we have to leave."

Edward and I had a job, here in Lensk.

This town had 24,600 people living in it. It was twenty-four times more populated then Forks was.

That made it twenty-four times harder to live here.

There was always so much blood swirling around me. There were people's hands cracking because of the Siberian cold; there were kids getting scrapes when they fell on the icy sidewalks.

I _was_ stronger; I could allow myself to admit. I could actually stop myself from hurting those humans with bleeding hands and skinned knees.

We worked in a diamond mine. Normally, the miners worked alone here. However, because I didn't know Russian, and we were 'durable', the boss let Edward and me play with the explosives and explore previously uncharted tunnels. You couldn't do either without a partner, in case one of you got hurt.

People got hurt in the mines _a lot_. Twice I'd almost snapped at one. It explains the two new scars on Edward's arm.

Sitting underground, where there was no fresh air to blow away the smell of spilt blood, was helping me a lot. I had to suffer through the open temptation for six hours.

Those six torturous hours brought me closer to my goal of open resistance, without the help of Edward or Alice.

Those six hours brought me closer to returning to my family.

I sighed and stood up from the couch. "Fine, let's go."

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_Story I recommend is _First Love Lost_ written by _Oracle Vas_. It's a long Jasper/Bella, and it is __totally__ worth the time it takes to read. It's very detailed, and real, and it's easy to get drawn into it. Awesome fic people! AWESOME!_

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	5. Sam Uley

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This chapter will be dedicated to my beta Starchii. Thanks for being awesome, you rock! And I am glad you're liking the fic so far

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It took just a split second for me to decide I was going to ask him.

What the hell should I care about protecting the secret anymore? They were never coming back. They were not in danger of being exposed. Besides, Jacob could keep a secret. And, he had a right to know, because it affected him directly.

I started the conversation carefully. "Jacob, do you remember those Quileute legends you once told me? Why don't you tell them to Silas?"

Jacob looked surprised, but lowered his head to look at Silas, anyway.

He smiled, "Well, the legends are that the Quileute people are brothers to the wolf."

Silas' eyes widened and he asked, "Really?"

Jacob smiled, "Yep! The myths say that a long, long, time ago people of La Push could enter a wolf's body."

"How does that work?"

Jake laughed, "I don't know, kid, because none of us can do it. How do _you_ think it works?"

Silas was thoughtful for a moment then grinned, "I think you just gotta become friends with one."

A big smile stretched across Jacob's face. He laughed, "I think you're right!"

I urged, "Tell him about the vampires. What you told me that one day."

Silas didn't know anything about them yet. He would pick up on it, though, once the story got started.

Yes, I was using my four year old to help me start the topic. That was okay, though. Silas would be a part of the paranormal world as long as I was friends with Jacob, he needed to be introduced to it sometime.

Jacob nodded. "Legend says that the wolf men only have one enemy. _Vampires!_"

Silas looked enthralled. "What's a vampire, Jacob?"

He explained, "Vampires are hunters, Silas. They look just like us, except their skin is pale and their eyes are red. They are very fast and strong, and cold to touch."

I watched Silas's smile slowly pull into a frown. Jacob didn't notice and he continued. "You know what? Some of the crazy old people in La Push say that someone you knew was a vampire."

Jacob's friendly smile returned. Silas's eyes widened and he whispered, "Was it daddy?"

It was Jacob's turn to look surprised. He answered, "Well, yeah. Him and the other Cullens'. Have you heard the story before?"

He shook his head, "Nope. But daddy fits what you said, 'cept for his eyes."

Jacob furrowed his brow. He was probably making the comparison for himself, and judging by his silence, he agreed.

I asked suddenly, "Jacob, can we go to La Push? I want to talk to somebody with you."

He shrugged, "Sure."

I took a shower while the boys ate lunch, then drove us over to La Push. I asked, "Where does Sam Uley live?"

He sourly spoke, "On the coast. Why are we going to see _him_?"

The coast, where Leah said she saw the bear.

Not a bear, I bet. No, something that was black and larger than a bear. It was the wolf that was involved in the tree incident so many months ago.

It was Sam Uley.

I tried to soothe Jacob, "I know you don't like him, Jake, but this is important. Is it this one?"

I nodded to a small cabin just a few driveways down. Big enough for a few people at most. Jacob nodded.

I pulled into the driveway and asked, "Will you stay with Silas for a minute."

He shrugged and I got out of the car, walking to the front door of the cabin. I knocked on it, and a few seconds later it creaked open.

I was startled when I saw the woman behind it. She had three long scars on her face that looked as if they just recently healed over.

She smiled, "Hello."

I asked, "Is Sam home?"

She didn't have to go and get him, because the large man appeared in the doorway a moment later. He asked, surprised, "Bella Swan? What are you doing here?"

I nodded towards the car, "I was talking to Jacob about something. I don't exactly know what to tell him. I thought I should ask you." I smiled at him.

It seemed to click and his eyes widened.

I sighed, "After all, he deserves to know. And you owe me, you made me fall out of that tree."

Sam looked stunned. No, that was too light of a word. He looked _shocked_.

After a few long seconds he just asked, "You want me to tell Jacob about that? Before it's time?"

I shrugged. "I have some things I think he needs to know, Sam, and he can't until he understands his half."

I wanted Jacob to fix me. But first I had to be willing to give him all of the pieces. I needed him to know every part of me if I ever wanted him to know how to put me back together.

Jasper was a huge part of me. The biggest part, the best part. Jacob needed to believe me, and not think I was crazy, so he needed to know about werewolves before he could know about Jasper.

Sam seemed to understand that. When he looked into my eyes his face softened. I wondered what he saw there. I wonder if he could see my throbbing heart through my eyes.

Mom always used to tell me my eyes betrayed everything.

Sam turned to his wife, "Emily, would you watch the kid?" He glanced at me and added, "I don't think it's a good idea to have him around."

I nodded, seriously taking his word on that. If it was a possible danger to Silas, I would remove him from the picture.

I returned to the car and opened the back door. Jacob asked, "What's going on?"

I unbuckled Silas and pulled him out, holding him with one arm while I shut the door. "You and I are taking a walk with Sam, Jake. It's important to me, please?"

Jacob slipped out of the car and smiled, "Okay."

I carried Silas over to Emily and set him down. He was not very shy, so I knew he wouldn't have a problem with staying with her.

"Silas, this is Emily Uley. She's a friend of mommy's. Why don't you keep her company for a while?"

Emily held her hand out and he took it, asking cheerfully, "Do you have a turtle?"

The two of them disappeared and Sam gestured for us to follow him. He strode a few yards ahead and Jacob asked, "So, where are we going with _him_, Bella?"

I asked, "Do you remember when you told me you thought Sam was waiting for you to do something special?"

Jacob nodded and I noticed Sam had stopped walking.

I took a deep breath, "Jake, I don't want any secrets between us. If we are going to be friends, we can't have that."

He nodded and agreed whole heartedly, "I want that too, Bella."

I took one of his hands in mine and explained, "Don't lable me as crazy until I'm done, okay?"

He nodded so I continued. "You know the story you told Silas? The one about the Cullen family? And the one about your tribe being linked to wolves? They were true. Jasper is a vampire, and Sam is a werewolf. _You_ are a werewolf, or you will be soon."

Jasper was right that day, I could tell the difference. Not only was Jacob getting _huge_ really fast, his personality was changing a little. He was not just a fun and easy going person anymore. He was getting a little more protective and confident. Those were changes, right?

Jacob was staring at me like he was stupid. Uncertainly, he asked, "Am I missing the joke here?"

I turned him until he was looking at Sam, who was now wearing nothing but a pair of shorts. Sam took over where I could not. "Jacob, your great-grandfather was the last chief of the tribe, because he was the last alpha wolf of the last pack. I'm the alpha right now, but you will be when your time comes."

Before Jacob could ask questions, Sam's body started to quiver- tremble- like crazy. His fists clenched and with a pop that made both myself and Jacob jump, Sam was no longer here.

Instead, the horse-sized wolf that once haunted my nightmares in the hospital was there. His large black paws carried him forward until he stood right in front of us.

I felt my heart racing. I didn't know Sam, and I didn't know if he would hurt us or not. He was obviously able to.

Jacob looked like he was about to die. His body was stiff and he was holding his breath. His big brown eyes were unusually wide and he looked paler than usual.

Sam licked Jacob and wagged his tail.

Because of the physical contact, the reality of the moment seemed to sink in for him. He exhaled before refilling his lungs, then whispered, "Wow."

I squeezed his hand, "This is the bear that people have been seeing. The one that Leah saw when she was near here a while ago."

Jacob asked, almost inaudibly, "I'm going to have to become one of these? I can't just stay me?"

We both glanced at Sam and waited for him to answer the question. He ran towards his house, and returned not thirty entire seconds later wearing a new pair of shorts.

Sam looked to Jacob again, and I realized he _did_ have both respect and admiration in his eyes. I could understand why it would creep Jacob out a while back.

Sam ordered, "Come back to the house, and I will explain everything."

* * *

_Today's story is a one-shot. It's an adorable fic called _Pick Me Up_, written by _ronOReds_. Edward/Bella, all human. It's both funny and fluffy. It's worth a read._

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	6. My Inner Strength

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This chapter is dedicated to Scooby Lady. It makes me happy that you are willing to give my Jacob a chance. He really is a good guy!

_I will recommend any one-shot written by_ Whitereflections12_. They all make me smile, and her lemons are great! You'll see why this is up here, rather then at the bottom of the page, once you get there._

* * *

When we went back into the house, we listened to Sam explaining werewolf life.

He told us that after the transformation, Jake would be very poor at controlling his emotional state, so it was probably best he avoided me and Silas for at least a few days, a week or two preferably.

He told us that the pack mind was connected, and that the others were some guys named Jared and Paul. He said the council suspected Jake's friend Quil was also a wolf.

Breifly something called imprinting was mentioned, but he said that could be explained another time.

He finished the informational monologue by saying that the reason werewolves existed was to protect the people of La Push and even Forks from vampires.

Once that was finished he turned to me and smiled apologetically. "Knowing that, I hope you can forgive me and Jared for the trouble we caused last summer."

I nodded and he asked suddenly, "Why are you still human?"

I blinked in surprise and asked, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Reaching forward, he brushed my hair over my shoulder on the left side, exposing the pale scar on my neck. I realized that it was the exact same spot Jasper had been nibbling on when we were in the tree.

I sighed, "That's not what happened that day. Jasper didn't bite me then."

Jacob eyes widened and he sharply turned his eyes onto me. "He bit you?"

I explained, "It's why they left."

Sam growled, "The cowards were afraid we'd attack them for it! They tried to steal you and force you into their family, but it didn't work so they fled."

I was surprised by the ferocity that suddenly pulsed through me. He shattered my heart, he broke me in half, but Jasper was still mine and I was not going to sit and let Sam talk trash about him.

I hotly snapped, "You're wrong."

Sam looked startled and asked, "I am?"

I let my eyes drift onto Silas, who was talking to Emily in the living room.

Tears began to form in my eyes as I allowed myself to venture into my most painful memory ever. I whispered sadly, "It was an accident. Alice saved me, Sam. She _stopped_ me from turning. I didn't mind that it had almost happened, because it _didn't_. Jasper was worried. He left to keep us safe."

_I'm dangerous, and I can't control __myself forever__. I think I made that very clear._

Suddenly, it was all too real to me. Too painful, too strong.

My brain flinched and started to recoil into the darkness. I closed my eyes and held my breath to force the tears to stop.

Jacob asked in alert, "Bella, what's the matter?"

Slowly, so slowly, I felt Jasper being stuffed away. I felt the pull of his box yanking the memories of him back inside. Like two halves of a magnet.

I didn't want to lose them again.

Jacob had promised me I would learn to live with the memories. He promised he would help me do that.

He had given light to my life, but now twilight was returning.

I desperately reached out for my sun, grabbing onto his hand. I felt his warm arms wrap around me and he pulled me close against his chest.

He didn't ask what was wrong, he just seemed to understand. Like that day he picked me up off the forest floor, he suddenly just connected and knew what I needed the most. I needed light in my life.

I didn't need the morphine I was once so ready to rely on.

I needed an inner strength powerful enough to fight off the pain rather than ease it.

I needed Jacob Black; more than I had ever needed anything.

I felt a little body climb onto my lap and peeked over Jacob's arm. He asked sadly, "Mama, what's wrong?"

I sighed and answered, "I'm fine, Silas."

He glared at me and accused, "No you aren't, you're crying."

I wiped my eyes dry and asked stubbornly, "Why does that mean something's wrong? Sometimes people cry when they're happy."

I didn't want my baby to know I was upset, especially _why_. For two of the four months after Jasper left Silas was struggling to be okay without him around. I didn't want him to think about Jasper in a negative way, it only hurts him.

Silas gazed intently at me and announced, "Last time you were really sad, you're eyes looked the same. All dark."

I blinked in confusion and asked, "What time was that?"

He hugged me and pressed his cheek against my neck. I felt my vision going black, and then a memory- _his memory-_ started to play for me like a movie.

_(*Flashback to the day Jasper left, __Silas's__ POV*)_

_I held __onto__ daddy's envelope like he asked, listening to him and mama talk._

_They always said things that I didn't get. I didn't know what the words were. But I didn't need to, I just needed to watch mama's face and I could sort of figure out if it was a good or __a__ bad thing._

_Mama's eyes started to water and she begged, "Please don't do this to me, Jasper."_

_Daddy moved closer, "It has to be done."_

_I thought everything was okay, because daddy hugged me and mama. But after he kissed my forehead his mood changed._

_His pretty golden eyes were really dark and he whispered, "You behave yourself for mama, okay munchkin?"_

_I could feel it suddenly. I could feel the atmosphere's mood change. Mama was sad, and daddy was the cause of it._

_I nodded a little bit, silently promising to be good._

_Daddy kissed mama too, in the place daddy always kisses her, on her mouth. A second went by before he was gone. He was gone in just one blink, I was surprised._

_I looked at my mama to see if maybe she would tell me where he went, but I didn't ask._

_I was scared when I looked at her. Her pretty brown eyes were… wrong. They were very dark and she looked horrified. I think she was trying to see where daddy went, because her eyes were focused so far away._

_(*End flashback.*)_

I was shocked breathless by what just happened.

Did he just…?

What just…?

How did…?

I sharply took a breath of air and forced myself to make a complete thought.

He just showed me his memory! There was no way I imagined it. It had been too powerful, too agonizingly real.

When I looked at myself through his eyes, I could see I had started to fall apart the very second Jasper was gone.

He was right, my eyes _had_ been dark. They were like black oceans of torture. I think I actually just watched my own heart breaking through Silas's eyes.

I asked numbly, "Silas, how did you do that?"

He didn't even look up, he just answered, "Edward taught me how. He said I have a photo memory, but he says it's stronger than anyone else, because I'm special like Alice was."

I shook my head and asked, "What do you mean special like Alice was?"

Silas now looked at me. "Edward said she could still see what was going to happen even when she was a human. He says I can do the same thing, 'cept I can let someone else see what I have seen!"

Why the hell didn't Edward tell me this?

Jacob asked, "What are you two talking about?"

I smiled at Silas and encouraged, "Why don't you show Jake and Sam something? Maybe the first time you held Morris at the pet store?"

Silas buried his face into my shoulder shyly, "I don't wanna. I only want _you_ to get into my head."

I smiled and affectionately kissed his hair, rubbing his back. I promised, "That's okay, honey, you don't have to."

That was a good thing, actually. Silas had and would have seen too much in a few weeks, with the werewolves and everything.

If he only used his special little gift on me, then he couldn't possibly expose the Cullen family or the wolf pack to the people of Forks.

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_**A/N: **__This message is not for all of the readers, just the ones who review. So, if you do not review, feel free to close the window._

_I have a complaint to issue to you. I am tired of my email being spammed with default reviews that say "great story", "great chapter", "loved the chapter", "love the story", or "update soon" ---- and nothing else. The entire point of the review system is so that you- the readers, can give me- the writer- useful feedback about the chapter. Good or bad, feedback is like the holy grail to me. How can anyone expect me to improve my writing if I don't know what in specifics you guys did or did not like?_

_I really am glad that you guys love the story, and chapter, and all of that; but after you said it the first time I would appreciate not having to read it again every single chapter to follow. I can't imagine that I could fuck up a chapter so horribly you could go from loving the story to hating it in the course of that one single chapter, so please- if you're going to take the time to write a review, then make it something I can actually take and work with. Tell me what you liked about the chapter. Tell me what you think should have been changed, or could have been added. Hell, tell me your favorite line. Just. tell. me. SOMETHING. It's impossible to grow as an author if I don't know what direction to point for._

_As for asking me to update soon. I realize you all love the story. Thanks. I, myself, have corpious amounts of fun writing it. However, I update every 2-4 days. I will not update any faster. That is a lot faster then many, many other fics. Please stop asking me to go faster. It's not possible. I do have a beta, I do have to write: so consider that we scramble as it is to satisfy the demanding schedule I have set for Indigo Skies._

_If you are not going to write a review that says something more then one of the above mentioned 'default' reviews: really I would rather you not review at all. My email loads slow enough as it is. Also, keep in mind I take time out of my life to write back to all of you. I write LONG review replies to anyone who has taken the effort to actually engage themselves into conversation with me. It isn't fair to the readers who have questions or real comments that my energy is wasted thanking people who probably copy and paste "great chapter, update soon" into every chapter that they read._

_I know this probably makes me sound like a real bitch. Oh well, I stand by it. If any of you are writers you should understand. I put up with a lot of this for Darkest Before Dawn, but it's already chapter 5 of the sequel and I am seeing way too much of it. It's not funny, guys. I put in a ton of work giving you the frequent, more detailed chapters you all wanted- and you can't review with more then three words? Here's three words for you: Come on, now._

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	7. Beaches

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_**A/N: **This chapter is dedicated to pricel, Scooby Lady, KD Skywalker + Romace4eva. You guys wrote me freiken' essays as your last reviews. Thank you so kindly for your extensive thoughts!_

_The majority of you compared Silas' gift to Renesmee's. I'd like to get it in the air that while hers was the inspiration, it will differ from Ness' and prove to be a gift in his own right. He _is_ related to Jasper. Yes, that is significant. You'll see why later. hehe_

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A few days passed. Jacob came over on Friday, yesterday, to do some homework. We didn't get much time to talk, as I too had homework to catch up on after missing three days of school.

Today, we were with the inner-circle on the cliffs.

Sam, Jared, and Paul were showing off. They were 'cliff diving'. Apparently it's a popular recreational sport. All of the La Push boys did it, and sometimes the brave kids of Forks would give it a try on the lower cliffs.

These three wolves, more or less indestructible, were messing around here on the higher cliffs. Jacob denied the offer to join them. He pointed out he was still breakable, and would rather not die today.

I was sitting on a quilt under a tree with Jacob, Emily and Kim. The lot of us made up the entire inner circle, excluding the council members.

Silas was at the Clearwater's.

Jacob was in an animated conversation with Emily, and I was sitting with Kim on the opposite end of the quilt.

I asked Kim, "So, what exactly is imprinting?"

That question roused Emily's interest. Both her and Jacob stopped talking and glanced at Kim.

She smiled. "Well, you need the background information to understand. I sit next to Jared in one of my classes. He never really paid any attention to me, really, until after he phased for the first time. Then all of a sudden, he was _always_ there. It was very flattering. He was constantly talking to me after he imprinted, and inviting me places."

She smiled a little. "After two months passed, he told me about the werewolf thing and showed me. I was freaked out, but I was sort of okay with it because it was still _my_ Jared."

Jacob asked, "What about you, Emily? Is imprinting how you and Sam happened? I mean, he was kind of serious with Leah, then all of the sudden…"

Jacob trailed off awkwardly.

I asked, curious, "What happened with Leah?"

I couldn't say I really knew her that much. When I was little and I would visit Billy's house, sometimes she would be over there. I remembered once having a tea part with her and Jacob's sisters, but that's about all I remembered. Now I just saw her occasionally when I need Seth to baby-sit.

Emily sighed, "Leah is my cousin. We were always very close, being the same age. Twice a week every week, since we were eight, she would come over to my house."

I watched Emily's eyes grow a little distant. "Sam was in love with her. _They_ loved _each other_. One weekend about a year ago, right after Sam got back from disappearing after his transformation, I was at her house. He came over, saw me, and imprinted."

She skidded over the drama that must have caused, "I know Leah is still upset, but we've been working through it together."

Jacob asked suddenly, in a very hesitant whisper, "Your scars… They weren't a bear, were they, Emily?"

Emily shook her head a little and quietly answered, "No, it was Sam."

She directed her attention onto me suddenly. "Bella, a few days ago when Jacob found out, you told Sam that you were bitten by accident. Did you expect him to back off of the subject as soon as he did?"

Honestly, I hadn't. The way Jasper spoke about the tension right after the tree accident made it sound like the wolves were not willing to easily forgive.

I answered, "Not really."

She explained, "Sam understands what it's like, to accidentally hurt the person you love because of what you are."

Jacob looked like he was going to pass out. He asked, "Will it be like that for all of us? Will I be unable to stop myself, too?"

He glanced at me and frowned. I understood why. He was worried about hurting me, and more than likely Silas. He could kill someone as small as Silas if things got too out of hand.

Emily shrugged. "I don't know."

Kim offered, "Jared hasn't seemed to have any problems."

I tried to change the subject, "So, when do I get to meet Jared, anyway?" When we got here, he was already in the water. None of the boys have come back from diving yet.

Kim glanced over her shoulder and called, "Jared! Come and meet Bella!"

I watched in slight amusement as the young man, who had been wrestling with Paul, instantly broke away from the melee. He sprinted over to us, sinking onto the ground beside Kim. He wrapped an arm around her waist, kissed her cheek, and then smiled at me.

I was startled when I looked at his face. The right side of his jaw line had an eerily familiar scar. It perfectly matched the one on my neck. His was easier to see, though, because of his dark skin. It was as white as marble.

Jared noticed my reaction and ran his fingers along the wound. He laughed bitterly, "Your bloodsucker did it the day of the confrontation. I'm the gray wolf, remember me?"

I did remember. Jared was the wolf that was holding onto Jasper's leg when I lost my balance. Jasper had taken one seriously hard snap at the muzzle.

I glared at him playfully, "My leg broke because of you."

Jared visibly blushed, "Yeah, sorry about that. Really. Sam thought the guy was going to grab you and run, he told me to hold him down. Sam _did_ try to catch you!"

I remembered that, too. The black wolf, Sam, had almost made it to me. Then Jasper got in between us and Sam had to back off.

Remember, nothing makes a vampire more fearsome than a threatened mate.

Sam and Paul joined us under the tree. Sam announced, "It's because of Jared that I recognized the mark on your neck the other day."

All of this remembering of the times Jasper helped me through something, protected me, was starting to make the hole in my chest flare.

I diverted the topic, "Let's talk about something else."

It was obvious the wolves were uncomfortable with my emotional attachment to their mortal enemy. Jacob, however, did change the subject to something else.

By the time we were ready to leave, he had promised to take me cliff diving off the big cliff as soon as he was indestructible, and able to jump with me.

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The next day some of us were at the beach.

Jacob, Embry, Quil, and Seth were here. They were in the water, though.

I was trying to teach Silas to swim with Jacob for a while, but then the winds picked up and the water got a little rough. Even though the tides were not very strong, little Silas freaked out and started crying.

So I was now leaning against some driftwood with Angela, Jessica, and Mike. Silas was a few yards away, playing in the sand with Eric and Tyler. I was glad my school friends were so open to the idea of him.

Jessica smiled and suddenly announced, "He's so adorable."

I smiled, too. "I know he is. He's a little ham for the camera." I beamed like a proud soccer mom.

Angela asked, "So, how did you come across him?"

Everyone was looking at me now, even Eric and Tyler.

I didn't tell anyone much about him yet. All they knew was that I was his legal guardian, and I hadn't wanted questions at the time.

I used the story I had created months ago. "Well, you know that I was on a road trip this past summer. The whole reason I went was for Silas. A friend of Dr. Cullen's sister called him and said that he needed a family. Jasper took immediate interest."

Jessica asked, "What happened to the family? How did they know to contact Dr. Cullen?"

I sighed, "He was very close to his sister, you know. That's why he got her two kids when she died in the car accident. Old friends of her knew that and looked him up. They said that her husband's young cousin, Silas, needed a home. There was a fire when he was only a few weeks old, and his parents died."

That much was the truth. It's what the people at the foster care told us.

Mike asked, "How come you got stuck with him when the Cullen's up and left?"

I swear I saw red and I snapped my head to the side, my fierce eyes locking with Mike's. I sounded feral when I half-snarled, "_What_ _did you just say_?"

A lot of the people near us were suddenly staring at us with curious looks. Angela and Mike were wide eyed.

He tried to stammer something, but I cut him off harshly. "I didn't get stuck with anything, Michael Newton. How could you even say that? Do you think I wish that Jasper had taken Silas with him? Do you think I don't want him?"

He had just unleashed my inner momma-bear.

For the first time in a long time my heart felt something besides pain. I felt rage- _fury_. I felt the intense power of my love for my son, and the degree of mean I was willing to become to protect him.

My friends were staring at me like I was foaming from the mouth. I almost was.

Angela quickly changed the subject to school, and I shot her a grateful glance when the others weren't looking. The last thing I wanted right now was for dad to have to get me out of jail because I accidentally broke someone's nose.

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_Today I will recommend _The Adventures of Alice in Smutland_ written by _voldemortperfumes_. She takes a while to update, but that's because the chapters are thought out and poetic. It is smutty, halarious, and features all our favorite characters! You know you want to check it out. *pokes*_

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	8. Pack Time

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_This chapter will be dedicated to two people. First, to cathykid for finding my chapters engaging. I hoped I was not the only one that found the pack life intersting! Second, to Brittz303, for appreciating my effort and being understanding on my views._

_Everyone welcome Scooby Lady on board as my second beta for this story!_

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It was February twentieth. It was Friday, but we didn't have school due to a teachers in-service.

I was playing baseball in the backyard with Silas, and losing horribly. I couldn't catch or throw the thing if my life depended on it. Silas didn't mind digging the ball out of the bushes, though, so we were doing fine.

The back door opened and Jacob poked his head out the door. He grinned and asked, "Where's my little Baby Swan?"

Silas smiled and darted across the yard, jumping into Jacob's arms. He hugged him, "Hi!"

I laughed and made my way over there. Jacob kissed the top of Silas' head fondly.

I asked, "What brings you over here?"

He beamed, "I finished the Rabbit. I wanted to know if my two favorite people would honor me with their company today."

Silas eagerly accepted, "I wanna go! Can we mama?"

I took him away from Jacob and set him on the ground. "Go find your shoes."

Silas darted into the house. Jacob wrapped his arm around me and led me inside.

I felt like I was back in Phoenix the second his arm wrapped around me. "Why are you so hot?" I asked in surprise.

He smirked. "I think it's my devilishly good looks, but maybe it's the hair."

Rolling my eyes I hit him in the arm. "You know what I meant."

He nodded and sat on the couch with me. His eyes were suddenly very serious. "Sam says it's going to be tomorrow."

I understood what he meant right away. This was his last day as a human. Tomorrow, he'd start whatever weird system it was to become a werewolf.

Jacob spoke again, sounding very sentimental, "I wanted to spend my last day with you guys. I wouldn't do it with anyone else."

My eyes unwillingly started to tear up. I laughed a little at my own silliness and moved an arm to wipe them away.

Jacob's large hand gently grabbed my wrist and pulled my arm down into his lap. His smouldering brown eyes looked deeply into mine and he leaned closer to me.

My heart began to jump erratically in my chest. It was a natural reaction, I couldn't help it even if I wanted to.

Did I want to?

The racing heart was my mind's way of telling me that I felt something for this boy. This mechanic of mine who had carefully been molding me back together. Just a little bit at a time, but it was better then I ever hoped for.

Jacob gently kissed my cheek, stopping a tear in it's tracks as it started to slide. My face burned, but it was not from embarassment.

He smiled gently at me and then used his hand to wipe my eyes dry. I did blush this time.

"Mommy!"

The moment was broken by Silas as he came running into the room. He jumped up between me and Jacob and pouted. "I can't get them tied!"

I _think_ I was grateful for the distraction. I still felt broken inside. I still needed to heal before I could even think about relationships. Not just Jacob either, but Jasper as well. I had plenty of things that had to be mentally sorted out, and I wasn't ready for any of it yet.

In my few moments of thought, Jacob had tied Silas's shoes for him.

I suggested, "Why don't we go to Port Angeles and watch a movie?"

Jacob shrugged and headed out to his car. I held Silas's hand as we followed him out.

* * *

On Sunday, we went over to Angela's house. Silas ended up playing with her twin brothers, who were seven, while the two of us started talking.

She made a comment about this year's prom which got me to thinking. I asked, "How are things with Ben going?"

Even when I was paying attention at lunch time, I never saw much of Ben Cheney. He was too reserved to sit with us every day. Our table tended to get a little wild sometimes.

I was sure we'd rope him into the group soon enough, but until then, I needed someone else to keep me updated on what he's doing.

Angela smiled. "Things are going great. We spend most of our time together. I think he's really committed to us."

I asked curiously, for the sake of conversation, "What makes you think so?"

"It's going to sound a little strange," she warned me. After shrugging slightly she decided to tell me. "He knows how close I am to Issac and Joshua. He has no siblings, so he doesn't really know what to do with them, but he tries to hard when he's over here."

She smiled to herself and joked, "I think he'd make a decent babysitter if he ever needed the extra money."

We both chuckled a little bit. I was thinking, though.

I asked her, "So you think he's trying to prove to you that he can get along with your family?"

She nodded. "My dad likes him, and my mom says that she's happy for us."

Angela's eyes sparkled and she admitted, "I think it's getting serious. I feel so strongly about him."

I smiled. "That's good." I was happy for Angela and her almost-love with Ben. I didn't have a single doubt that if things worked out, they'd be more than just affectionate by the end of this summer. The two of them just clicked since their very first date.

I clicked with Jasper the day I met him. But Jasper was gone, and he wasn't the J name currently swirling around my head.

I'd always gotten along well with Jacob. In these past few months, I couldn't deny I had have felt some chemistry between us. It just felt so _right_ when I was with him.

I could easily tell him everything. We could be doing absolutely nothing together, not even talking, but just being in his presence made me happy.

And, on a side note, he was really great with Silas. The little guy loved Jacob to pieces. He really should have a male influence in his life that wasn't a fourteen year old babysitter.

He needed something more stable than that. He needed a dad.

Could I imagine Jacob Black as my son's dad?

Yes.

Angela asked suddenly, "What are you thinking about, Bella?"

I decided that, out of everyone I knew, I liked and trusted this girl the most. I could talk to her about it.

"Angela, do you remember my La Push friend? The really big one?" I asked her.

She nodded.

I asked curiously, "When the two of us are together, what do you think?"

Somehow she seemed to pick up on where I was coming from. She smiled at me. "You two get along really well. Honestly, I haven't seen you so happy since the Cullen's moved."

I winced a little. Having her point out how insanely lost I have been without them was hard to hear.

She continued answering my question, her voice gentle as always. "We all knew you really had something going with Jasper. I can't imagine _why_. The kid scared me to death."

I couldn't hold back a small laugh.

"When he left, you acted like you were broken. It was difficult to watch. You started spending more time on the beach with that other boy, and I see the old Bella again. The one who can laugh, and the one who smiles."

I was glad she was so brutally honest with me. I didn't need sugar coating. I needed to hear exactly what my true friends thought about my situation. I knew what she though, I knew what Jacob thought, and that was the extent of friends I could consider true to me.

We spent the next hour talking about school related things, and then it was time to go back home. That night, I didn't get much sleep through all of my thinking.

* * *

A week more passed. I was going absolutely crazy with lonliness. When it was just me and Silas, it reminded me of those four terrible months that I was in zombie mode.

I jumped when the phone rang. I had been dozing on the couch.

Silas announced, "I got it!"

The ring was cut off abruptly and after a second Silas came bouncing in with the cordless.

He asked, "Where's grandpa?"

Dad was upstairs taking an afternoon nap, because he had trouble sleeping last night.

I asked, "Is that call for him?" Silas nodded.

I took the phone and put it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Bella? This is Seth." The other end answered. I wondered why Seth Clearwater would be calling for my dad.

I asked, "Is everything okay?"

He sighed. "For now. My dad's in the hospital, he had a heart attack last night. They stabalized him, but mom asked me to call and invite Charlie to come see him."

I frowned. That was terrible! Harry was one of dad's closest friends.

I promised, "I'll go get him right now."

"Okay, thanks Bella. Oh! And I have a message for you, too." Seth cheerfully announced.

A message for me? I asked, "What is it?"

He answered, "Jacob stopped by to see dad eariler and asked me to tell you he isn't sick anymore, so you can come and visit if you want. I didn't even know he was sick, he seemed fine to me."

My mind tuned out Seth's rambling. Jacob's little code was easily solved. He was in control enough for us to be around him again.

I glanced at Silas and felt my heart wrench. I was not going to risk his saftey yet. Mine was a completely different matter.

I asked suddenly, "Seth, are you busy today?"

He answered, "Nope."

I smiled and asked, "Do you want to make twenty bucks?"

* * *

_**A/N: **Today, I recommend a one-shot. _This One Is A Memory_ written by _Lady Bracknell_. It's an Tanya/Edward. No lemon, but a tiny bit of fluff-smut at the bottom. It's quite good, and worth a look! Even if you don't like Tanya. (Or, in some cases, Edward.) It shows a playful side to both of them that made me smile._

* * *


	9. The Alpha Male

* * *

Dad dropped me off at Jacob's house, promising to bring Silas over to the Clearwater's on his way to the hospital.

I knocked on Jacob's door, and it was pulled open by Embry. I was startled to see him.

Judging by how large he was now, I couldn't say I was shocked. I would bet my money that he was part of the pack now.

My guess was confirmed when Sam came wandering over. He smiled, "Bella! The rest of us are in the backyard. Come on."

I followed him through the house and glanced at Embry. I smirked, "You too, huh?"

He nodded. "I was finished a day before Jacob."

Sam glanced at me and smiled. "Quil is in the middle of the growth spurt. It should be just another few weeks and he'll join us, too."

I smiled. I was glad that Jacob had his two closest friends to be in his pack.

Speaking of that! I sped up so that I was beside Sam and announced. "I have a question."

Embry slipped over to the other boys and Sam gave me his attention.

I asked, "Who's the pack alpha?"It was supposed to be Jacob, but he wasn't sure if he wanted that or not. Was Sam still in charge?

The man smiled at me. "Jacob is. It's only been a week, but he's got everything down. We all trust him."

Sam's eyes sparkled. "I'm going to stop phasing soon, Bella. I don't want this." His voice grew very distant. "_This_ is what hurt my Emily. It's not the sort of life I can be happy with. In exactly twelve months as of yesterday, I will be normal again."

He smiled. Jared appeared beside us. "That's what this little get-together is for. It's a good-bye party. The other girls are over by the grill."

He gestured to them. I waved and walked over to the picnic table, sliding in beside Kim.

I asked, "Where is Jake, anyway?"

His deep voice startled me from behind, "Right here."

I turned around and glanced at him, smiling.

I watched, both interested and confused, as his grin disappeared. His lips parted slightly in the center and his eyes widened.

The intense, adoring look in his eyes really struck me hard. For one agonizingly long second, time seemed to stop as I let myself get lost in those big brown eyes.

Jacob sharply took in a breath and broke the concentration. He sat down beside me and took my hands in his. His grin returned. It was broader and giddier than I had ever seen before.

He asked me, "Bella, did you know you look beautiful today?"

I blushed. Why was he like this all of a sudden?

I watched Jared and Sam share a sharp glance. Both Emily and Kim smiled at us.

My mind connected the pieces faster than Jacob's.

He just imprinted on me.

My mouth fell open and Jacob asked in alarm, "What's the matter?"

Jared tried to explain, "Jacob." Jake glanced at Jared. The elder boy and him shared a very meaningful look.

I watched Jacob's eyes grow wider again. This time it was in shock, not devotion. "Did I?"

Jared nodded.

Jacob glanced at me and smiled. "I knew it!"

I asked, "Knew what?"

His arms wrapped around me and he pulled me into his lap. I rested against his strong chest and he looked deeply into my eyes.

"I knew you were the one." His voice sounded so intense, so magical, that I was mentally scrambling again. "A week ago, in your living room… When I looked at you, I could _feel_ it. A connection. Does that make any sense?"

I thought back to the night in the forest, when Jacob just seemed to know what I was trying to desperately to tell him.

I thought back to the day in Sam's kitchen, when I silently reached out to him, and he supplied me with exactly what I needed.

I smiled at Jake. "It makes perfect sense to me."

I couldn't fight with fate. Just like Alice had known she was meant for Edward because of her visions; I _had_ to be been meant for Jacob because he imprinted on me.

I'm not sure if I was having some freaky supernatural moment, which wouldn't surprise me, but I was suddenly aching for him to be mine. To have a claim over him like he had over me.

I wanted to let myself love him. I _needed_ to let myself trust he would take care of me. I needed to let myself heal so I could let him in.

I lifted my head and brushed my lips across his jaw line. I was inviting him. If he wanted to kiss me, I wasn't going to shy away.

Jacob's mouth pressed against mine gently. He had no experience, I realized, so I was the one that deepened the kiss. I opened my mouth a little bit and in turn he did, too. For a few seconds we moved with each other before drifting apart.

Jake's face ignited, I could very clearly see his deep scarlet blush on his pretty russet skin. I didn't blush.

That is, until Paul and Embry whistled loudly and Jared cheered.

Then it was my face's turn to stain crimson.

Jacob snapped, "Shut up you guys!" It was easy to tell he wasn't at all upset. He sounded quite happy.

Sam teased, "It looks like you have an alpha female now, Jake."

We all started to laugh at that. I snuggled close to Jacob, and for the first time in a long time, I felt no pain. My heart did not feel fragmented, the sharp ends stabbing me.

It felt whole again. It felt like it was breathing normally, not crying with the hurt.

I looked at Jacob and smiled, "An alpha female, and a puppy."

Jacob understood what I meant. I was inviting him to officially replace Jasper in little Silas's life. I was allowing him past the thorn-spiked protective barrier I had built around Silas.

Jacob's eyes shined and he echoed, "And a puppy."

* * *

I picked Silas up and took him home for dinner. When we were done eating, we were snuggling on the couch and watching Finding Nemo.

Silas eventually looked up at me, "What did you do today?"

I smiled, "I went and had a talk with Jake."

Silas smiled back. He really did like Jacob.

I asked him, "Did you and Seth have fun today?"

He nodded. "We were squirting each other with water guns, until he accidentally hit Leah. She got really mad at him, so we hid in his room and build a house with Lego's.'"

"Was it a pretty house?"

Silas wrapped his arms around me and closed his eyes. Soon the image of said house flittered through my eyes. It was mostly yellow, but it had red bricks randomly placed to create a flower-like pattern.

I was finally used to my special little boy's amazing ability. Usually, before bed, he'd let me see which parts of his day were his favorites. Or, on the rare occasion something he didn't like or understand happened, he'd show me that and I would explain it to him.

It had only happened once, but he had a nightmare a few weeks ago. He showed it to me. Could you guess what it was about?

Jasper.

_Grandpa of the year_ was watching Dracula on TV, and Silas had a dream about Jasper being that human-killing monster.

It took a while, but I eventually eased his fears.

Shaking my thoughts away I commented, "That was a fantastic house!"

Silas nodded.

I asked suddenly, "Silas, do you miss having a daddy?"

His eyes grew very sad. "Yes."

I kissed his cheek and made him smile. I didn't know why, but he loved it when you did that.

I asked lightly, "Do you want a new daddy, Silas?"

He perked up and asked, "Is it Jake?"

I laughed. I should have known, an observant little kid like him would be able to notice the bond I had been developing with Jacob. Most little kids saw things very clearly, because they didn't bother with all the side stuff. They only recognized the core of people.

I announced, "Yes, it's Jake."

Silas smiled. "I like Jake."

I hugged him and he nuzzled my neck. Patting his back, I honestly answered, "Mommy likes him too, Silas. And this time daddy isn't going anywhere. Jacob is here to stay."

* * *

_I recommend the story _Melancholy_ written by_ blue-silkra_. It is a very intersting, cannon, Carlisle/Alice. Pre-Twilight. You will be shocked, and you will love it! It has action, fluff, and romance alike. Awesome._

* * *

_Okay, so nobody freak out on me. We'll have a few problems if I get any flames over this. I don't do flames, they are just rude._

_I have two theories, you see, that must be brought into the light. The first is a theory about imprinting, and the second is a theory about Bella/Jacob._

_IMPRINGING: Bella is under the impression that now that she is an imprintee, she must be with Jacob; because fate has decided they are best for one another. As she is not a werewolf, this is not the case. Fate is a tricky gal, and she has decided only that Bella would be best for Jacob. She can not force Bella to recriprocate the feelings. In the books, when Jacob explains about Quil and Claire, he says that the male wolf can only be as ready as the female counterpart. That leaves it to be assumed that if the object of his imprint wants absolutely nothing to do with him- the wolf will not be able to make advances onto her and make her feel uncomfortable. (Or whatever.) So, all of my patient and loyal Jasper fans, do not worry about Bella or this imprint getting in the way of her Jasper time once he comes back. He's more awesome then Jacob will ever be. xD_

_BELLA THEORY: Now I am sure the majority of you are wondering why I even made this happen. I'll tell you why! Book-Jacob could not imprint of Bella, because she could never love him like she loved Edward. Fate knows everything, so she knew that. She also knew that Edward and Bella would have a lovechild whom was more perfect for Jacob then Bella was. However, in Indigo Skies, Fate has dictated otherwise. In this universe, because the idea made my blood boil with disgust, hybrid children are not a possibility. That means Bella will never have a daughter who is better for Jacob then she is. In turn, that then means, that _she_ is best for Jacob. Does that make sence? It did to me._

_^___^_

* * *


	10. Birthday Suprise

* * *

_I realize I forgot last chapters dedication. Sorry, people._

_This chapter is dedicated to PandylBas, for hating the ideas and themes of Breaking Dawn as much as I did._

* * *

A few days passed, and it was March third. It was Silas's fifth birthday.

Dad had to work, but he promised to be home a little early. To keep us company, we were all at Billy's house. The Clearwater family was here as well.

Jacob had run over to the house to pick up the cake, which I had in the fridge. Silas was listening to Leah tell some Quileute stories about the spirit warriors. Silas knew nothing about real werewolves, so it wasn't a problem.

When Jacob returned, he was not alone. Jared and Embry were with him, and each carried a large box.

Seth asked, "What's all that?"

The boys set them down, and Jacob handed Embry the cake. They other wolves went into the kitchen.

Jacob scowled slightly, "They're packages that were at your house. It's not addressed."

I frowned and glanced at the boxes. The letters was written in a language I didn't even understand.

Jacob muttered to only me, "It's from your bloodsuckers, I can smell it."

The boxes were addressed to Silas. I was surprised that Jasper had sent anything for his birthday.

"Silas," I called his attention onto me. "These are for you, why don't you come open them?"

My little guy beamed and bounced over to us. Jacob ripped all the tape off the boxes so Silas could fold the top open. He removed several smaller boxes that were covered in dark blue wrapping paper, with bears on them.

Harry, Billy, and Sue all drifted closer to watch. I sat on the floor with Silas. After a while, he had uncovered all of his gifts.

Those were: a huge tin of wooden blocks that had intricate animal carvings on them, a little set of Matryoshka dolls, five model airplanes, and seven fairytale books.

I glanced at the pile. I'd never heard of six of them. _The Gigantic Turnip, The Rolling Roll, The Small Cabin, The Firebird, Masha and the Bear, _and _The Farmer Duck_.

_The Snow Queen_ I had read. Actually, I think I had the movie once upon a time.

It was an odd choice of books, but they were very colorful, so Silas should love them.

"Seth!" Silas bounced over to Seth, holding one of the planes. "What is this one?"

He took the plane and inspected it before deciding, "I think it's a F-18 Super Hornet."

Silas asked, "What's that?"

Seth smiled, "It's an American fighter jet."

Discovering that Seth knew a lot about the planes, Silas carried the rest of them over. He picked up one that had a face on the front. "What's this one?"

Seth chuckled. "This is a Curtiss P-40, also known as the Tiger Shark, or the Warhawk. It was used in World War Two."

Embry joined them, gesturing to the long white plane that had detailed red patterns. "This is the VF-1. A whole squad of them was known as a 'Wolfpack.'"

Jacob rolled his eyes at Embry's attempt at hidden humor.

Seth picked up the biggest one. "This is a B-52G Stratofortress. These things are _huge_."

Silas smiled hugely and held the last one, a white missile-shaped one. "What about this one?"

Seth frowned. Embry looked oblivious.

Harry, however, wandered to the other side of the room. He glanced at the plane and announced, "That's the X-2 Starbuster. The NACA organization was founded on March third of 1915. That was exactly ninety-two years ago. It was the time period's space origination. Its first flight was at Edwards Air Force Base."

I smiled a little. I could guess who bought him that one.

Jacob announced, "Bella, there's something for you in here."

I glanced at him, and he handed me a plain white box. It had my name scrawled in _his_ handwriting.

I opened it and found another, smaller, box made out of red velvet. There was also an envelope.

I opened the envelope and took out the letter. Jacob frowned a little, but didn't complain. Ever since he imprinted, Jacob didn't put up much protesting to what I did. It was a little weird, but I kind of liked knowing he'd stand behind whatever I wanted.

I unfolded the letter and read:

_Bella,_

_I was going to call you, but I didn't want to inflict long distance costs onto your phone bill. It's pretty far from Forks to __Russia__. Does Silas like his gifts? I would have settled for just the blocks, I can't imagine why someone his age would want books he can't read yet. But Alice and Edward are with me, and you know how they can get. Besides, we have to make up for Christmas._

_I sent you something, too. It's something that can only be found here. I saw it, and thought of how it's beauty and uniqueness reminded me of you. Everything reminds me of you. I miss you, Bella. I wish I were ready to come back. It shouldn't be too long now, just another month or two. I told you I was coming back. I love you, sugar bear._

_Jasper_

Reality crashed into me like a ton of bricks.

Jasper was actually coming back.

Jasper was coming back _soon_.

That day in September, I didn't believe him. I didn't trust that he _would_ return. How could he leave us, and then just walk back into our lives like nothing had happened? Like he didn't leave total devastation in his wake?

But how could I turn him away?

The terrible throbbing in my chest made it very obvious I wanted him. I still needed Jasper. He was still that huge part of me that was taken away. Would I be whole again, when I saw him on that doorstep?

Could I even fit him, now that I had Jacob to fill his place?

Jacob frowned and asked me, "What's wrong, Bella?"

I glanced at him. His concerned face, his worried brown eyes. Jacob loved me, and I loved him. We were happy together. We'd always be together. Silas liked him.

Jacob was my sun, but Jasper was my center of gravity. When he had left, I felt like I was floating away into nothingness.

Against my better judgment I looked away from Jacob and opened the soft red box.

My eyes widened when I saw a ring looking back at me. Three rings, actually, that were connected in an odd pattern to form one.*

I heard the faintest of whispers in my head, the voice so clear I could swear it was being said to me by Jasper himself, _And you, Isabella, will be my wife_.

I felt my heart ripping apart again. Aching, sobbing, screaming at me for opening that damn letter, looking inside of this box.

It was saying, 'Bella, damn you, how could you? You just got me fixed, now you're trying to break me again.'

I felt tears running down my cheeks. Before Jacob could try to comfort me, Silas was here. He was like a magnet with me every time I started crying.

Silas frowned and asked me, "What's wrong, mama?"

I smiled at him. The simple act took more effort than I knew I had.

My chest started to burn as I lied, "Nothing, Silas. Mama's happy this time."

I was far from happy. I knew I _should_ be. This was Jasper's way of assuring me he wasn't going to be gone forever. It was his way of asking me, from a distance, if I was going to forgive him.

When he returned, if he saw this ring on my finger, then he would know I wanted him back. If he did not, he would assume I had moved on.

I thought I had moved on, but now I wasn't so sure.

Silas commented, "That's pretty, you should wear it!"

If only he knew what that would mean.

Jacob was staring at me with anxious eyes. He had not read the letter, he didn't know about the promise I made so long ago._ I_ had not even remembered it until right now.

An angry spark flared in my chest. Jasper or Jacob?

Jasper or Jacob, it was a simple question!

Did I want the former core of my existence, or did I want my soul mate?

Jasper and I had some great times. I had so many precious memories of him, memories that were slowly trickling back to me as each new day passed. Memories that I would never regret making.

There was once upon a time that I was addicted to that special brand of morphine.

I was cut off from that, and it left bleeding wounds behind.

Jacob was a bandage, remember? He was the thing that helped those wounds close.

The scars would always remain, reminding me of the story behind them. Just like Jacob told me, I was finding a way to make the best of what happened in the past.

However, I did not have any plans of making new wounds. I was not going to risk that pain again. I wanted to move on, and let go of what I lost. I was stronger than that.

Because of Jacob Black, I was stronger than that old addiction.

I wiped my eyes and closed the box in my hands. "Sorry, Silas. Mama doesn't think she wants to wear _this_ ring anytime soon."

* * *

_If you guys wants to see the ring, go to a Yahoo image search and write _Russian Ring of Love _in the bar. The very first picture is the one I had in mind._

* * *

_Today I recommend the story _Psycho_ written by _kfm-vampyr_. It's technically Edward/Bella-I think- but it has a lot of Alice/Jasper stirrings as well. It's AH, and it's a very amusing story. I'm really liking it._

* * *


	11. Wolf Fight

* * *

_This chapter is dedicated to AshleyCullen0021, because you doubt your love of Jasper. :D_

* * *

The weekend came quickly. It was the eleventh, and Silas and I were on an abandon beach with the guys.

I was talking to Embry about why the flame on a burning ocean log was blue. He said it was the salts.

We both jumped when Jacob suddenly shouted, "Paul, are you insane?" Jacob sprang to his feet and I glanced the direction he was headed.

I felt my heart die a little.

Paul was holding Silas, and they were on the top of a tree. Jacob said, that through the others' memories, he saw what happened the day I broke my leg. I could understand his fear. I felt it myself.

This tree was not as high up, but Silas was not as big. If he fell he could die!

Paul snorted, "Calm down, Jake! I won't drop him."

I ran after Jacob and demanded, my voice both shrill and harsh, "Get him _down_, Paul! Now!"

Paul rolled his eyes and hung Silas over the branch, dropping him into the safety of Jared's waiting arms.

Jacob snatched Silas and fretted, "Are you okay, kid? No scratches, or bruises?"

Paul dropped out of the tree like a cat, landing nimbly on his feet.

Silas promised brightly, "I'm fine, daddy!"

Jacob handed him to me, and then whirled around on Paul. I turned Silas' head away as Jacob's fist connected with Paul's jaw, sending him flying back a few feet.

Embry raced over there, "Jake, calm down!"

Paul glared murderously at Jacob, and his body began to tremble. Jake, too, shivered down his spine. I watched in horror as Paul's body exploded. Jacob phased a split second later and they sprang at each other, snarling.

Jared panicked, "Embry, get them out of here!"

Embry stepped in between the vicious fight and us. He urged, "Bella, come this way."

I was half dragged about a hundred feet away. Silas was watching the fight with wide, horrified eyes. It was three wolves now, as Jared tried to break up Jacob and Paul.

Jared growled at Paul, and the smaller wolf suddenly flopped onto his stomach. Jacob skidded in the sand to stop himself from running into Jared.

My attention was totally removed from the werewolf battle when Silas pressed his face into my shoulder and started crying.

I sat down, snuggling him close to me. "Silas, baby, it's okay. Don't cry."

He clung onto me like a life jacket and blubbered.

I rubbed his back in an effort to calm him down, and glowered murderously at the three wolves now staring in this direction.

Jacob started to come this way. Jared cut him off. They glanced at each other before the pack was racing into the woods.

Embry stayed with me, hovering like a bodyguard or something.

After a few minutes, Silas had calmed down. He was not crying anymore, just hiccupping.

I gently lifted his head. His wide, wet eyes looked up at me. I could see terror in their depths.

I promised him, "It's okay, honey."

He whimpered and buried his face against me again. Flashes of the battle started to etch themselves into my mind. The strongest, most vivid, picture was Jacob as his body exploded; as an animal bigger than what Silas had seen before replaced him, an animal more fearsome than any other.

Jacob. was. _dead. _After I killed Paul, that is.

I kissed Silas forehead and tried to soothe him. "Daddy is fine, Silas."

He whispered sadly, "Are you sure?"

I glanced Embry, a silent question if it was safe to be with the others again. He nodded.

I asked Silas, "Do you want to go see him?"

Silas nodded, wrapping his arms around my neck and resting his head on my shoulder as I stood up and began to follow Embry through the woods.

* * *

We were just entering Jacob's back yard when he saw us. He sprang to his feet and darted across the space between us. Silas reached out for Jacob, and I handed him over.

Silas's eyes were still huge, "Are you okay?"

Jacob smiled, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Silas's lip quivered, "I saw that wolf eat you! How did you get out?"

Jacob looked confused. I gently announced, "Silas, the wolf didn't eat Jacob. The wolf _is_ Jacob."

He glanced at me and asked, "What?"

Jacob smiled, "Do you remember what I told you about werewolves? How we thought you had to be friends with a wolf to become one?"

Silas nodded.

Jacob continued, "We were wrong. Some of us are born as werewolves. We can _become_ werewolves whenever we want to."

I took in Silas's face critically. He frowned, and his eyes started to water.

Uh oh.

The poor thing started crying again. I took him back and fretted, "Silas, what's wrong?"

He clung to me and wailed, "Daddy's the scary wolf!"

I gently mussed with his hair, "Daddy is a good wolf, Silas."

Silas shook his head stubbornly.

I glanced at Jacob and ordered, "Phase."

Jacob looked stunned, "Why?"

I insisted, "Just do it. Please?"

I watched Jacob's eyes melt and he took his shirt off, tossing it at Jared. He threw his shoes aside and then phased. Silas jumped when he heard the pop and started sobbing.

I patted his back, "Silas, calm down. Mama's got you."

He ignored me as I walked forward towards Jacob. I motioned for him to lie down, which he did. Reaching one hand out I experimentally pet Jacob's muzzle.

It was odd, touching a werewolf for the first time. He was still very hot, but he was really soft.

I urged Silas, "Look Silas. Mama's fine."

He peeked over his shoulder warily. I watched him speculate the idea of my actually touching Jacob's intimidating other half.

Jacob slowly stretched forward, nudging Silas with his big nose. Silas smiled a little bit.

I kissed his cheek and asked, "Do you want to sit on him?"

Silas nodded eagerly. I set him on Jacob's shoulders. He laughed and hugged his neck.

Paul wandered over to us and complained, "It hasn't stopped bleeding yet!"

He noticed we were here, and quickly tucked his gashed open arm behind his back so Silas didn't see it.

Jared promised, "Give it another thirty seconds, you'll be fine."

I asked, "What are you two talking about?"

Paul smiled, "We heal ourselves. It's a survival thing. It's the reason Jared wasn't affected by that guy's venom."

Jared snorted bitterly at the mention of his lost battle with Jasper.

I asked Jared conversationally, "How did you get them to stop so fast?"

He glanced at Jacob, then back to me. "Do you know about the alpha command yet?"

I nodded. Sam explained that to us before Jacob even phased the first time.

Jared looked more relaxed knowing I already knew. "The beta of the pack can use it, too. I had to get Paul to stop or Jacob wouldn't pay attention to me."

It didn't surprise me to learn Jared was second in command. Paul and Jacob never got along well, and Embry was too new to the pack.

Silas suddenly announced, "I'm hungry, mama."

I laughed a little bit and decided, "Maybe we should go home now, then."

Jacob whined.

I awkwardly pet him by his large ear. His tongue lolled contently at the affectionate contact.

I promised, "We're still coming over Monday."

Monday was the start of Spring Break. Silas and I were staying here for a few days, just for the hell of it.

I set Silas on the ground and he grasped my hand, rocking back and forth on his feet with impatience as I said goodbye to all of our friends.

* * *

_I recommend the story _Scratched Out_ written by _decemberisforcynics._ It's an abstract and totally awesome Jasper/Alice._

_Read. It. Now. --- :D_

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	12. My Jacob

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_This chapter is dedicated to decemberisforcynics, because you got water on your keyboard for me. Don't do it again, you'll ruin it. XD_

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All day Saturday Silas, was packing information into dad about Morris. We were going to be gone for nine of the ten break days.

Once he was positive his grandpa knew how to feed Morris correctly, he occupied his time choosing what clothes he wanted to bring to La Push.

Today was Monday, and the day dad dropped us off in front of Jacob's house. He was waiting and ambled over to get the two bags of clothes we had.

Dad smiled, "Have fun, you guys."

Jacob led us upstairs and plopped our stuff in his room. "You guys are sleeping in here. I'm on the couch." He smiled.

I frowned, "I can buy an air mattress, Jake."

He shook his head and promised, "It's fine, Bella."

Silas bounced onto the large bed, hugging the pillow and looking up at us with adorable eyes. "Are we playing on the beach today? I brought my swimsuit!"

Jacob smiled, "Sure, if you want to."

I frowned, remembering the last time Silas was in the water. I asked hesitantly, "Are you sure there will be no wind today?"

Jacob smirked, "We would be able to smell it."

Oh, right. Werewolf senses were heightened incredibly when they finish their transformation.

I smiled at Silas; "We can go to the beach today."

Jacob suggested, "Why don't we go now? There's really nothing else to do around here."

I couldn't think of a reason to stay home. It was warm outside now, it might get colder as it got darker. "You call the guys, I'll help him get ready."

I helped Silas change, and then put my own swimsuit on. I tossed one of Jake's old shirts on over it, and stepped into some shorts. I had to look decent, with my baby around!

I returned downstairs to find Jacob on the phone. He glanced at me when I entered the room. "Hey, Bella! Paul wants to go down to the cliffs. What do you say?"

I frowned. The cliffs?

His eyes widened when he saw me frown. He promised, "You and Silas will be safe."

Silas bounced onto the couch and agreed, "It's fun watching everyone jump off the cliffs."

I shrugged, "If that's where everyone is going. Silas, come on. We're going to the car."

He slipped his shoes on and followed me out to Jake's Rabbit. He buckled himself into the back, and a short while later Jacob joined us.

He pulled out of the driveway and smiled. "We're going to have fun. When he gets tired, we're all going to Quil's house for lunch."

I blinked in surprise. "Quil? Does he know about anything yet?"

Jacob shook his head. "Not _yet_. Old Quil invited us, though. He thinks it's going to be this weekend."

I glanced warily over my shoulder and asked, "Is that safe?"

Jacob smiled at me. "I'll keep you guys safe, don't worry. You just have to trust me, Bella."

I did trust him. I trusted him with my life, and Silas's life. I didn't need to tell him that. He must have seen the change in my eyes, because he smiled and looked back to the road.

It was not long after that everyone unloaded at the cliff side.

Jacob, holding Silas, asked me, "Are you still diving today?"

I blinked at him skeptically. "Who's going to be in the water with Silas?"

He didn't know Embry, and I didn't think he trusted Paul or Jared enough yet when he was already scared of the water.

Silas blinked at me like _I_ was the confused one. "Daddy is! Who else?"

I frowned at Jacob. "I can't jump off alone!"

I'd probably have a heart attack. Even the lower cliffs were pretty high up. Jacob smiled and wrapped an arm around me, leading me up the hill towards the guys.

"You can go with one of them, if you want," he suggested with a shrug. I tried to weight those options. I didn't know Paul, I didn't consider myself close to Embry, and Jared probably wouldn't appreciate me clinging onto him like I was going to die.

Jacob took me to the higher cliffs and handed Silas to Jared. "Go wait for me by the rocks. Don't get in with him, okay?"

Jared nodded, and held Silas's hand as the two of them made their way towards the distant shore.

I peeked warily over the edge of the higher cliff. It had to be what, forty feet? I've fallen off of higher before…

I shivered in Jacob's arms and asked quietly, "Will you be waiting for me at the bottom?"

I could be brave and jump alone. Possibly. Probably. I'd done worse, that's for sure. If I had something to look forward to, it would make it easier.

Jacob looked deep into my eyes and promised, "I'll be waiting for you."

The intensity in his voice was frightening, but oddly romantic. My eyes watered a little bit- no huge shocker- and I laughed, smiling. "Go down there with Silas."

He smiled and ran down the hill. I tore my eyes away from them getting into the water and concentrated on the ominous cliff ahead of me.

I was wearing a loose shirt and shorts over my swimwear, because I didn't want to be too exposed with all these boys around. Should I take them off?

No, they wouldn't weight me down any. I took a deep breath and waited a while for Jacob to get into place. I heard his loud voice yell for me to come on down.

I shivered and frowned a little bit, trying not to think about how far down this was. I darted forward, with surprising balance for me, and rocked precariously on the edge of the cliff. Closing my eyes, I jumped right off.

Wind swirled all around me, encasing me in a warm little pocket of air as I sliced through the air.

Knowing that someone was going to catch me once I reached the bottom, knowing that I was absolutely safe because my Jacob was here for me, wiped away all fear I might have had.

I felt absolutely free.

A tiny smile spread across my wet face before I plunged into the water. It seemed cold at first, but my body almost instantly adjusted and I liked the warmth the sun gave to the first few feet.

With a strong kick, I tore above the surface. Water streamed from my eyes and I coughed once.

A warm arm pulled me against his chest and I smiled, looking up at Jacob. Silas was in his other arm and he squealed happily, "Mama, that was so cool!"

I laughed and moved some of his wet hair out of his eyes. "It was fun, too."

Silas asked, wide eyed, "Can I jump off?"

Jacob's body stiffened and he turned pale. He sounded totally playful, though, when he spoke. "Maybe you should learn how to swim first, buddy."

Silas looked adoringly at Jacob and asked, "Will you teach me how, daddy? You and mama?"

Jacob laughed, his rumbling chest sending vibrations through my arms. "Sure, sure! Why don't you go ask uncle Embry to show you the doggy paddle first?"

Embry heard that from his place of only a few meters away and came over to us. He collected Silas, and they worked their way towards the shallower water.

Jacob just held me, and kissed me gently. I smiled and set my head on his big shoulder.

It felt natural to be in his arms. It felt _right_ in his arms. Was this how every imprintee felt? Knowing that the man holding them was meant for them? That the strongest force of the world, fate herself, chose him to be there for her?

A protector. A best friend. A lover. A mechanic.

Whatever I needed him to be, that's what he would be for me. Even before he imprinted, that's what he was to me. He was my _everything_- because Jasper had left me nothing.

A flicker of understanding, a blossom of knowledge, began to spread in my heart. I snapped my head up and looked right at Jacob, smiling at him.

He smiled, too, as always. "What's got you so happy, Bells?"

I wrapped my legs around his waist under the water, perfectly happy with just floating with him. He wouldn't complain about keeping me from sinking under. All this time Jacob had been my life jacket, it just took me this long to realize why.

"Jacob, I love you," I announced whole-heartedly. It was the most right thing I had said in a long time. The purest, truest, best sentence I thought I had uttered since the afternoon in the forest last September.

I could see something change inside of him. Before, his eyes had been bright and gentle. He was in let-me-fix-you mode. He was being safe with me, because that's what I needed him to be. Safe. I was fragile, risks could shatter me again.

The moment those four words left my mouth, his eyes changed. They got darker and more intense. They seemed to be glowing with trust, and emotion, and connection.

"Bella, I love you, too. Always." His voice was fierce, but not in a harsh way. He was promising me that he would never pull a Jasper and leave me. He was promising me he would be here for me, every step of every journey that I decided to take.

He was promising me _him_, and I could never ask for more then that.

I could never want anything else.

* * *

_Today's recommendation is _Stuck!_ written by _Annilaia_. It's an AH story of the Cullen kids meeting one another because of a tragic power outtage involving an elevator and text messaging. :D_

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	13. JPOV, Sixteen Hours

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_This chapter is dedicated to _Music ADD_. You understood the double meaning of the last chapter, which just made my day._

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Another boring day in the coal mine.

I was sitting next to the activation box of Edward's and mine. Today we were expanding the tunnel for the boss man. Smaller than I, Edward was the tunnel rat. With our explosive devise, I had sent him down into a promising hole.

We could smell the difference in the minerals, and we could assure anyone who asked that there _were_ diamonds that direction. The first few times our co-workers doubted us, but after we proved to be right, they stopped arguing.

Edward said that the boss man had said that 'those boys have an instinct for this job'.

We had instincts, but not the same kind he was thinking of. No sixth sense or whatever, just vampire scent glands.

I grew increasingly bored with just sitting here. I poked my head into the hole and mentally asked, _Edward, what's taking you so long down there?_

I heard a growl, the sound of him scuffling around, and then an irritated snarl. He was practically radiating embarrassment and annoyance.

"I'm stuck," Edward answered me stonily. He poked his head out of the hole, frowning at me. "I guess I was too big for this, after all."

I grinned. _That's okay. I can just blow you out. It'll only take a few hours to find you and put you back together._

Edward's golden eyes flashed and he snarled, "Jasper, don't be an idiot and help me."

Where was little Alice when you needed her?

Edward snorted, his way of agreeing with me.

I glanced over my shoulder to make sure nobody was close enough to see us. When the coast was clear, I rammed my shoulder into the top of the entrance hole. My hard body impacting with the brittle material shattered it and it crumbled, raining down on top of Edward.

He spat, shoving the debris away from him I was able to fit in the hole now, and I crawled over to him. He had stupidly wedged himself the wrong direction, and if he crushed the explosive device he would set it off while he was practically right on top of it.

I rolled my eyes. _Good going._

He stuck his tongue out at me and I chuckled. Grasping some of the rock encasing him, I yanked back sharply, and tossed the large stone over my shoulder. He jumped up beside me and we returned to the activation box.

I grinned and slammed the little lever down. A half of a second later, a cloud of smoke and ash billowed all around us.

People wondered why miners got lung cancer! Edward laughed.

I flinched when a sharp wave of desperation and panic struck me from behind. I wasn't sure how I knew, but somehow I just knew, that it came from Alice. After this long- each of my family member's emotions had a special tinge to them that I could pick up on.

Edward was alerted by my thoughts and turned his head towards the opening of the mine. I felt confusion.

He reported, "She's asking for you- demanding for you actually. The boss won't let her into the mine. It's about Bella."

I didn't need to hear any more than that. Bella plus a desperate Alice equaled nothing good.

With speed maybe a little too fast for most humans, I turned and darted towards the opening of the mine. I ignored the actual miners as they watched me curiously.

Alice saw me and shouted, "Jasper!" She tried to run over to me.

The boss grabbed her elbow hard and shouted angrily in Russian.

Alice was forced to freeze. She had to keep up the human façade. There was no way a tiny woman like her, if we were human, would have been able to break free of our boss. He was bigger than Emmett.

I skidded over to them. I couldn't understand the things they were yelling at each other. I didn't know Russian. I _could_ understand the fury coming from Alice, and the threat buried under my boss's words.

Nobody threatened my favorite sister. I grabbed his wrist and bent his hand backwards so far it was close to breaking. He wailed, and Alice had to stomp on my foot to make me let go.

Edward joined us, brushing soot off of his shirt as he growled something to our boss.

Alice grabbed my hand and we started running again. As soon as we were far enough away, she yanked me into our full speed.

I demanded, "Alice, what's going on? What's happening?"

She was afraid. I could feel it.

She took a deep breath and explained in a rush, "I had a vision of Bella jumping off of a cliff. I think she was crying, and as soon as she hit the water I lost contact of her. I think she might have broken her neck or something!"

My heart did not beat. It was totally impossible for my heart to break. I knew that, but I still felt it shattering. Falling down into little scattered pieces and set on fire by what I just heard.

Bella, my Bella- the sole reason I had to exist- was going to kill herself?

I actually stumbled in my run. Alice stopped me from falling.

She shook her head, "We don't have time for you to freak out, Jasper. It was very blurry, which hopefully means it hasn't happened yet. I got us tickets for the first flight to Seattle. We're leaving as soon as you and Edward change clothes."

I had no problem traveling covered in coalmine soot and what not, but I knew Alice would never allow it. She always made sure we looked presentable, even in the worst of situations.

I demanded, "Why can't you just call Charlie and ask where she is? Did you look for Silas? Is he dead, too?"

Oh, God! If they were _both_ gone!!

I couldn't even think about how horrible that would be. What would I have left? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. My entire life would be completely over if Bella and Silas were dead.

I would have to leave. I would have to find a way to die. Would I be able to beg- to go to Italy and ask Aro if he would do it for me? To show him that I had nothing left; that the best part of me was gone, so _I_ was gone as well?

Would I have to return to Mexico and search for Maria? She wouldn't let anyone kill me, but it would be easy enough to die with her. I could win her trust back with one little smile, and she'd be putty in my hands.

She would ask me to fight beside her again, and I would agree. When the battle finally came around, all I had to do was wait. Just let the newborn do to me what I had done to so many others.

If _that_ plan were not an option, I would have Peter do it. I knew he would never want to, but he would set me on fire if it were what I needed him to do. If it was the only way I could be with them again…

"Jasper, calm down!" Edward's voice ordered me from close behind. He was running faster than I knew he even could to catch us with how far ahead we had gotten.

He skidded in between us and frowned at me. "Stop planning how many ways you have to off yourself, it's upsetting to listen to. Bella is alive."

His words were firm, confident, but I felt the waver in his heart. He knew as well as I did that Alice saw what she saw, and it was a possibility the worst was going to be what we found when we returned to Forks.

Alice jumped into our house through the open window and dictated, "Edward, take a shower. Jasper, wash your face. Our flight leaves in one hour, so be quick about it."

I dared to ask, "What time will we be in Seattle, Alice?"

Her eyes went blank for a second before she confirmed, "We will land in Barrow, Alaska late tonight. We could run from there, but the plane will be faster. We should be in Seattle early tomorrow morning."

Tomorrow morning. I could last that long, right? It had already been so long. What were another sixteen or so hours?

That was exactly what they were.

Sixteen long, terribly, agonizing hours of not knowing.

Sixteen hours of anxiety and fear.

The longest sixteen hours I would probably ever suffer through for as long as I may live.

* * *

_Today I will recommend _When Life Gives You Lemons_ written by _Daddy's Little Cannibal_. It's fifteen chapters of wonderfulment, of the lemon variety. And, it actually had a plot! :D_

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	14. Scent

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_Guess what you guys? We broke 500 reviews! ^_^_

_Awesome! This chapter is dedicated to all of you!_

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Later that night, I was watching Silas and Seth playing with his airplanes when the phone rang. Jacob was somewhere, so I answered it.

"Black's house," I cheerfully announced. Being on the council, Billy got a lot of phone calls. I wouldn't want to confuse someone important and make him or her think they got the wrong number because a female was answering the phone.

"Bella?" It was Embry, and he sounded upset. "Where's Jacob? I need to talk to him now."

I was surprised, but I got up and headed towards the stairs.

I asked, worried, "What's the matter? Are you okay?"

He sighed tensely into the phone. "Yeah. We were patrolling by your house, and we found the scent of an unknown leech. Jared says it isn't one of your bloodsuckers, and he wants to know what Jacob wants to do."

I stopped dead in my tracks as I reached the top of the stairs. A vampire- not a Cullen- was by my house? Dad was in the house! Was he safe? Oh God!

I made the decision myself, "Go back there and protect Charlie. I'll get Jacob over there as soon as I can."

Jacob poked his head out of the bathroom. "What about Jacob?" His hair was dripping and he was in just a pair of boxers. I assumed he took a shower.

I blushed at his almost-naked appearance but didn't look away when I fretted, "We have to go to my house. Embry says he needs you, something about a vampire."

Jacob frowned, "I'll go now." He crossed the hallway and wrapped his arms around me, his eyes wide with anxiety. "Do you want me to send Paul over here to stay with you and Silas?"

I blinked at him in confusion. He wanted me to stay here? My dad was in possible danger! I had to go make sure he was safe. I just had to. I wouldn't feel settled until I knew that- saw him unscathed with my own eyes.

I firmly corrected his line of thinking. "Silas will be fine alone with Seth."

Jacob glared at me for a second. I knew he was reluctant to take me into possible danger. I frowned and clung onto him. "I _need_ to come, Jake."

I'm not sure if it was the desperation in my eyes or my voice that broke down his reluctance, but his face softened and he agreed, "I'll give you a ride."

Taking my hand, he led me into the living room. He announced, "We're going for a walk. Seth, are you okay to be here for an hour or two?"

Seth nodded, and Silas waved to us as we left the house. I closed my eyes when Jacob took his boxers off. After the familiar sound of him phasing was heard, I dared to peek over my shoulder. Jacob was lying down and waiting for me.

I hesitantly climbed on top of his back. This was the first time I'd ever ridden him before! I clutched at his scruff as he stood up and jolted forward. My hands dug into his fur, but he didn't seem to mind.

His gait was smooth and fast. Colors, mostly green, whirled past me as we darted through the forest. It reminded me of my few rare rides with Jasper.

Before I could dwell on that thought for too long, we were in the forest near my house. Paul, Embry, and Jared were gathered in a small clearing waiting for us.

I got down from Jacob, and he nudged me over to Jared. I opened my mouth to protest, but he bushed my face with the tip of his tail and whined. I could almost hear him asking me to be patient.

With a sigh I leaned against Jared's shoulder. Paul and Embry darted in opposite directions, and Jacob went directly towards the house.

A few long, silent, minutes ticked by.

I felt Jared's body stiffen suddenly and glanced the direction he was looking. My whole being shook as he snarled. With a whimper, I pressed myself against him and clutched onto his leg.

I demanded weakly, "What is it?"

I knew he couldn't answer me, but it was a natural instinct to ask. I didn't see anything! What was he being hostile for?

His large muzzle shoved me aside and I flopped gently into the ferns, now half concealed by the large green fronds.

With a challenging snarl, Jared sprang forward and collided with something. A blur of color- a blur of _white_.

I cowered against the tree. Could Jared fight off a vampire alone? He was the smallest member of the pack!

Two more blurs arrived, and I felt my heart skip a beat. Alice and Edward liquefied at the edge of the clearing.

Alice wailed, "Jasper, _stop!_"

Jasper.

Jared was fighting with _Jasper. _Again.

Edward crouched to spring into the fray, but Alice held him back

I struggled to my feet and opened my mouth. No words came out. No words even formed coherently in my brain. I could only stand dumbstruck and watch the two supernatural beasts snarl and tear at one another.

Jared's blood started to stain the ground, and pieces of Jasper's clothes joined it.

I saw Paul darting towards us from the west. Alice did, too, and she defensively cut him off, snarling as fearsomely as that day she killed James. Paul's step faltered and he halted, unsure of what to do.

My mind snapped back on track. I demanded, "Edward, stop them!"

His bright golden eyes flickered towards me, and met mine for a fraction of a second. Everything that could have been spoken went unsaid between us. He could see my horror, my terror- and I could see his determination.

He would stop the fight. As long as he got Jasper out of the way, Paul and I could probably get Jared to calm down.

Edward didn't even have a chance to move.

With an echoing yelp and a loud thud, Jasper slammed Jared into the ground. There was a sick, familiar splintering sound that made me flinch.

It was the sound of a breaking bone. Like my leg, only much louder, because it was a larger and stronger bone.

Jared lay absolutely limp. His blood covered Jasper's shirt, and his relaxed muzzle was around Jasper's leg.

Jasper's hands were dug deeply into his back.

He snapped Jared's spine. That was the splinting bone- the spine shattering.

Paul howled mournfully, and I could hear Embry do the same from a short distance away. I darted forward without thinking and shoved Jasper away from Jared, collapsing onto the ground.

Tears spilled from my eyes and I gasped, "You killed him!"

My brain was working backwards right now. I should be caring about the fact that half of my second family- the Cullen family- was home. I should be caring that they were in danger from the rest of the pack.

I didn't. I cared about Jared. I cared about Kim, and his parents, and his friends from school.

Jared was _dead_!

Jasper actually stuttered, sounding as confused and lost as I currently felt. "I d-didn't mean to! H-he attack me first, he was about to rip my leg off!"

My mind finally clicked into action the instant I heard his voice.

His smooth, honey-like voice. It was so much better than I had been able to remember. So soft, so deep, so buttery. I felt a shiver run down my spine and I glanced over my shoulder.

For the first time in a half of a year, I looked Jasper Whitlock in the face.

I wanted to look into his regretful golden eyes and know that he was sorry. I wanted to share in the pain I had heard tinging his perfect bass voice.

I _wanted_ to run up to him and hug him. Jasper was back. He promised to come back, and here he was.

I knelt on the ground motionless. I saw the rips in his shirt, Jared's blood on his _face_, and I shuttered.

Embry crashed through the bracken nearest to me and hovered at my side like a bodyguard- as usual. I was almost positive he _was_ my bodyguard.

He bared his teeth at Jasper, who stood only a foot away from me, and snarled. Jasper's eyes widened and he took a step back.

Edward suddenly shouted, "Jasper, run!"

Jasper snapped his head to the side and asked, "What?"

Edward darted over to Alice's side and pulled her into his arms. He snarled, "_Run!_"

Looking totally confused, Jasper turned to run.

He was too late.

The final pack member had arrived. The biggest, meanest, most dominate protector of the tribe.

The alpha that just lost his brother to his mortal enemy. The same mortal enemy who was the cause for his imprintee's life distress.

Snarling menacingly, brown eyes as hard and cold as ice, Jacob pounced on top of Jasper and his jaws met the vampire's throat.

* * *

_Today's story is _As Long As You're Mine_ written by _ColourPearl_. This is the fic that turned me onto the Jasper/Bella pairing. It's pretty awesome. I'll admitt I really didn't enjoy the sequel as much as this one, but they were both worth the read!!_

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	15. Me Too

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_This chapter is dedicated to Sopranoandbass, because you finally admitted that the strings of your heart are slaves to my hand. *grin*_

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Before I could understand why, I wailed, "Jacob, _NO_!"

Jacob was going to kill Jasper. My Jasper.

My first love. The master of my heart. The core of my existence. The blood that ran through my veins. The very air that I breathed. _My_ _Jasper._

He was- is- my everything, and Jacob was going to kill him.

In the split second that he was faced with life or death, my entire world flip-flopped.

I didn't care about what had happened between us. If Jasper lived, we had all the time in the world to try and sort through the pain, and the motivation, and the sadness of the past. I could try to forgive him for breaking me. For taking away everything I knew and leaving me with nothing.

All it took was the knowledge that he could die to make me realize that I had been wrong all this time. I was in denial, because my mind thought that was the best way to protect me. I couldn't live without Jasper, not forever.

Jacob was my sun. I was his earth. I needed him for stability, so I was attached to his gravitational pull. I needed his light for mental clarity.

I may be Jacob's earth, but Jasper was _my_ earth. He was the planet that I needed to revolve around. He was the special sort of gravity made just for me, to stop me from floating off into space.

I had tried to tell myself that he was nothing to me. I had tried to tell myself that I didn't need him the way junkies need drugs. I did, though, because Isabella Swan was totally and completely addicted to morphine.

My request, my plea, made Jacob's entire body stiffen mid-snap. His muscles locked up and he just froze. It looked like I had used an alpha command on him. I had seen it done that day on the beach, I could make the comparison.

I suppose it _was_ the same as that. I was the one who Jacob was unshakably loyal to. In a way, that did make me like an alpha to him.

I felt my tears get larger and start to fall faster. My brain was screaming. It was warning me to be rational. It knew that Jasper had hurt me once and could do it again. It knew that Jacob was my protector and my soul mate- he was here to keep me safe.

My _brain_ knew that, but my _heart_ didn't. My heart was singing a thousand different tunes of joy because Jasper was back. My Jasper was finally back.

My heart made the decision my brain was too scared to accept.

I whispered miserably, "Please Jacob, don't."

Embry growled at me, and Paul started to fidget in outrage. They were upset that I was asking him to spare the man that killed their brother- because they knew as well as I did that Jacob was powerless to go against me. He was physically incapable of upsetting me if he could avoid it.

He didn't _have_ to kill Jasper.

Slowly, Jacob lifted his head and took a few steps away from Jasper. Edward warned tensely, "Jasper, don't move."

Jasper remained on his back, propped up only on his elbows. His eyes were wide with anxiety, and a second later I felt a strong wash of tranquility settle into my body.

It was as strong as the blanket of peace I once knew, after I broke my leg.

Jasper was panicking, so he was resorting to the one thing he _knew_ would keep him, Edward, and Alice safe. Manipulation.

Jacob glanced at Paul. He carefully walked around Edward and Alice, coming to stand on my other side as I cradled Jared's body. His body that would forever be stuck in this wild form. The werewolf body he would be laid to rest in.

Jacob glanced at me, and I looked back at him with a frown. He whined and flicked his ears to the east, where La Push was. Where my new-other family was. Where Silas still was.

He was asking me to leave the Cullen's here and go back with him. Go back _home_.

I felt my heart breaking and I blinked, causing the last of my tears to fall. Jacob, my Jacob, was begging me to choose him.

I lowered my head and bit back the tears, shaking my head. I whispered softly, "Jake, I'm so sorry. I… I can't."

Edward asked harshly, "You can't, or you won't?"

His voice was trance-like, and his eyes were trained on Paul. I knew that he was speaking the question Paul was thinking, the question _I_ could not hear.

My eyes met Jasper's. He looked just as miserable as I did. More miserable, if that was even possible. I could see agony in the depths of his sweet butterscotch pools.

Jacob would not have imprinted on me unless he was best for me. That was what I always used to think, wasn't it? I always used to look at it like fate brought us together because we were meant to be together. Because we were soul mates.

I was wrong.

I was Jacob's soul mate, that was why he imprinted on me. I was the person who could make him happiest in life.

But I was not a werewolf. I did not imprint. I had to trust my instincts. I may be best for Jacob, but he was not the one that was best for me.

I didn't break eye contact with Jasper when I whispered, "I won't."

With a flinch, Jacob recoiled. I wiped my eyes and found some strength for my voice. "I'm sorry."

His big brown eyes locked with mine. They were not hard and vicious like when he attacked Jasper. They were my Jacob's eyes again. Soft, warm, pools of devotion. Edward whispered intensely, "Don't be sorry, Bella. I want you to be happy. I _need_ you to be happy. Tell me what to do so I can see you smile again."

Tears pricked my eyes but I fought them off this time. I needed to talk to Jasper. I needed to feel his breath on my face. I needed his cold arms around me. I needed his gentle reassurance that everything would be okay between us- that we could make it all okay again.

I decided, "Go back to La Push."

Jared's parents and Kim needed to know what happened. Quil was supposed to be changing tonight or tomorrow. Silas needed his daddy to tuck him into bed.

Embry and Paul grabbed Jared's body and started dragging it off towards home. Jacob brushed his warm nose against my cheek and whimpered before padding after them.

I watched him leave. Every step he took away from me, a lash of guilt struck at my heart. I felt terrible for doing this. I did love him, and I knew he loved me more than the world. I _knew_ that we were meant for each other, but my heart could not lie to me.

Jacob had the power to fix my heart, but it was Jasper and Jasper alone with the strength to break it.

I felt guilty about what this was going to put me and Jacob through, but I could not find a single ounce of my soul that was regretting my decision.

Jasper pulled his torn shirt off and wiped his face clean with it before dropping it onto the ground. I shakily stood up and looked at him.

For one long second, we stood there, because time seemed to stop. That second passed, and before I knew it, we were in each other's arms.

His arms held me close, and my body and face seemed to mold against his cold flesh. When Jacob held me, I felt right. When Jasper held me, I felt whole. I _was_ whole.

He was my better half. He was the missing piece to my puzzle, and we were once again complete.

"Bella," he whispered into my ear. Those five letters sent an explosion of fire in my veins.

I felt myself quivering as tears began to fall. Hot, salty tears splattering against his chest as I cried again. Not tears of horror, or loss. Not tears of guilt. Tears of love.

Love that was lost. Love that was missed. Love that was found once again.

I sobbed, "Jasper, I missed you so much."

I felt his body stiffen as my heart started to throb with anguish. It was letting him know how much I had missed him. Letting him feel all of the pain and torture he had caused me.

His gentle hand rested on the back of my head and he held me close to him. He whispered soothingly, "You have me now, Bella. I'm not going anywhere you won't be. I'm never going to leave you again."

My entire body started pulsing with all of the emotion I had tried to lock away. The sorrow. The despair. The loss. Every feeling that had plagued me these last six months were spilling over with a vengeance.

I tightened my arms around him and asked weakly, "Why did you ever leave me, Jasper? You should have never left."

I shook my head and suddenly found myself spilling it all out. Everything I needed to say to him bubbled forward, and he silently took it all.

I hiccuped. "You broke me, and you hurt Silas. I was so lost without you. If Jacob hadn't put so much effort into fixing me, I would _still_ be broken right now. You knew all of that, didn't you? You knew and you still left me."

I pulled my eyes up to look into his. I had to know the truth. No matter what he said, I needed to know _why_ he felt he had to leave- even if he knew the aftermath would be so devastating on all of us.

Jasper's hypnotic golden eyes sucked me in and he cupped my cheeks. His touch was unbearably gentle. So tender that it burned my face.

He whimpered. "Bella, I'm sorry. I know it's hard to accept, but there was nothing else I could do. Alice saw things. She saw you getting hurt. She saw _Silas_ getting hurt. What other choice did I have?"

And then he paused.

I realized why. That had been a serious question. He was begging me to try to understand. He was pleading with me to tell him what _he_ needed to hear. He was waiting to learn if he made a mistake, if there really had been another way.

I took a moment to think about it. Alice saw Silas getting hurt. That was the thing ringing in my ears right now. Alice saw my rock, my little baby, being attacked by Jasper.

I felt a tremor of horror run along my spine.

Jasper had been right. There was no other way. He needed to remove himself from a possibly lethal situation towards our son.

I whispered, "You did the right thing."

His entire body relaxed and I watched relief flood his eyes. He offered me the tiniest of smiles.

I leaned upward and pressed my lips against his. He melted against my kiss and for one long second we were one again.

I could feel his love, his regret, and his sorrow- through that one gesture. I could feel it running through me as clearly as if it were my own.

He closed his eyes and lowered his head. I imagined if it were possible, tears of his own would be falling. He whispered desperately, "Bella…"

The silence that followed said more than he could have. It asked to be forgiven. It begged me to let him know that I was here for him.

I twined my fingers in his and whispered, "Jasper, it's okay."

His head snapped up and he looked directly into my eyes. I saw his love shining back at me. I let my free hand caress his cheek and I whispered, "Yeah, me too."

* * *

_Today I recommend the story _Conspiracy_ written by _lp23._ It's a dramatic romance between Jasper and her OC Madison- half sister of Bella. It's AU to the Twilight series. It's her first fic, people, go support her. :D_

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**Also**_, go see my profile! Myself and voldemortperfumes are holding a contest. ^^_

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	16. Big AND Small

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_This chapter is dedicated to painyouarainbow. You said SM needs to read my fic, which just made me all kinds of bubbly._

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I felt Jasper's thumb dance across my hand, and after a second he frowned. He lifted my arm and glanced sadly at the appendage.

In my peripheral vision I saw Alice frown, too, and Edward politely looked away from us.

It took me a second to realize why. It had to do with a little, red, velvet box I had thrown semi-angrily into my closet a few weeks ago.

I was not wearing Jasper's ring.

Alice rescued me from that potentially heartbreaking conversation. "So, Bella, don't _I_ get a hug?"

I smiled and gently pulled away from Jasper, bouncing over to Alice. She smiled and wrapped her small, cold arms around me.

"I missed you guys, too," I whispered emotionally. If I had to choose a best friend, Alice and Edward together made that person. I could never pick one or the other.

Alice gently pushed me an arms length away and glared at me. I was in trouble- I could just tell.

"Isabella Marie," she started, and I instinctively tensed, "WHAT in the name of God are you doing _jumping off of cliffs_? Do you try to make me hysterical?"

Alice saw me cliff diving. That was just yesterday, so she probably saw it yesterday.

I frowned and asked, "Is that the reason you came back?"

She nodded. I felt tears stinging my eyes again. Alice's angelic face instantly became alert.

Wide eyed, she asked me, "What's the matter, Bella? Don't you _want_ us back?"

I insisted, "Of course I do! But I thought you guys came back because you wanted to, not because you thought you had to."

Jasper's arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me against his chest, glaring at Alice from over my head.

He promised, "Bella, don't think we didn't _want_ to come back. We never _wanted_ to leave in the first place. Being away from you for so long was the hardest thing I've ever had to endure."

Just like always, he knew exactly what to say to make me feel better. I trusted Jasper, and I knew he was telling me the truth. Closing my eyes, I leaned against him and smiled.

I had him back. He was holding me. He was here to stay.

It was so surreal, I could think I was dreaming. I never wanted to wake up.

"Bella," I snapped my eyes open and glanced at Edward. He looked deeply curious, as always. He asked, "Bella, what's an imprint?"

My entire body stiffened and I felt my heart catch in my throat. I was sure my face paled, because I swear I felt the blood draining from it.

My throat dried out and I barely managed to whisper, "Why do you ask?"

Jasper turned me in his arms so he could look at me. He looked worried. I could have assumed that, this was not my normal reaction to Edward's endless questioning.

I adverted my eyes.

Edward explained, "The others, they were complaining as they left. The hostile one was upset that Jacob let Jasper live just because he imprinted on you."

Edward raised an eyebrow questioningly.

Damn him and his mind reading.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably and explained, "Well, it's a thing the werewolves do. They can't help it. Sometimes, a male werewolf can imprint on a female human- if circumstances are right."

I didn't know why, but I started to feel guilty again. I just now realized that Jasper had felt everything I was feeling a few minutes ago. When I was asking Jacob to leave, _watching _him leave- Jasper was probably sharing in my anguish.

Jasper frowned a little and asked, "What sort of a thing is it, and what do you mean by 'circumstances'?" He sounded thoroughly disapproving. This was not going to go over with him well.

I took a deep breath. "A werewolf imprints on whoever fits the criteria to be his perfect mate."

I flinched when a deep, possessive snarl bubbled out of Jasper's throat. No, he didn't like this news at all.

I tried to defend Jacob, "He didn't choose me, Jasper! It's not something they can stop, it just happens if you like it or not. If _we_ like it or not."

I felt a spark of hatred and I winced, looking fearfully at Jasper. He looked nothing less than furious, and he demanded angrily, "And then what? You're stuck with him?"

Jasper's golden eyes flickered to Edward. They were silently communicating. Edward grinned and nodded once.

Alice looked just as suspicious as I did. She asked, "What was all that?"

Edward turned his puppy-eyes onto his mate and answered, "We're plotting a way to keep Bella out of Jacob's way. That way she doesn't _have_ to spend time with him."

Indignation flared in my chest. I snapped, "You won't touch him, Edward. I _want_ to spend time with him!"

Edward blinked in surprise and asked, "_Why_?"

I sighed and answered simply, "Because he was here for me when I needed him, and it will hurt him as much as it will hurt me if I leave him."

Jasper whispered remorsefully, "Because you love him."

I returned my gaze to his. I couldn't lie to Jasper. Even if he wasn't able to _feel_ through my lies, I didn't have it in me to deceive him. I wanted to let him into the deepest parts of my heart. I wanted to let it be his again.

He could have it. He could do whatever he wanted with it.

I felt oddly peaceful when I answered, "But not in the way I love _you_."

A small, doleful smile graced his features. "I don't know what I could have ever done to deserve you, Bella."

He picked up my book the first day of school.

He saved me from a van.

He gave me his undivided faith.

He kissed me in front of my mom.

He took me golfing.

He brought me to Silas.

He asked me to marry him.

_He came back._

It didn't matter how big or how small the memory was. I should have never asked for another man in my life.

Slowly, through both tiny and large gestures, he had showed me that he loved me. I think that the guy who said 'absence only makes the heart grow fonder' had a vampire for a mate. Now that he was here, I felt more drawn to him than ever.

I answered him confidently, "You gave me your heart."

Jasper kissed my cheek and whispered, "And it's yours forever."

I smiled and took his hand, absently leading him down an old path we used to take back to the house. I rested my head on his shoulder.

I heard Edward and Alice muttering quietly behind us. I didn't care about them right now, though. All I could focus on was how incredibly _great_ it was to belong to Jasper again. He had always been my Jasper- but now I was _his_ Bella once more.

I smelled many a confrontation between him and Jacob in the future, but I didn't want to worry about that right now. I wanted nothing more than to be held by my one true love- my Romeo.

Jasper stopped walking suddenly once we neared the house. His eyes narrowed, and he broke some tree bark off of an oak tree we were standing next to.

He brought it to his nose and inhaled deeply, blinking in surprise.

Edward asked suddenly, "Are you sure it's Irina?"

_Who was Irina?_

Jasper glanced over his shoulder at his brother and nodded. "I'm positive. I'd know her scent anywhere. There's a male with her, too. Here."

He tossed the bark at Edward, who caught it with the hand that was not holding onto Alice.

I demanded, "Who is Irina?"

Jasper smiled at me. "She's a friend of Carlisle's. Remember Tanya's clan, the ones in Denali? They're sisters."

Alice reported suddenly, "She's with Laurent. I think they are in Hoquiam, if I remember the area."

She glanced at Edward, who nodded in confirmation of the area she must have seen in a vision.

I remembered that was the whole reason I was in this forest. I asked, slightly panicked, "Alice, will you go see if Charlie is okay?"

Alice smiled reassuringly at me. "Irina wouldn't hurt him, but sure. Come on Edward!" She darted into the forest, and he followed her obediently.

Jasper asked, "Don't you want to go back home?"

I frowned a little. "Jasper, I need to go back to Jacob's house."

Jasper's eyes flashed and he growled at me.

I glared at him, "I'm not giving him up, Jasper."

His muscles in his shoulders tightened like coils and he demanded, "Why not? I thought you wanted _me_."

His eyes were misty with sadness and his voice had taken on that hurt edge to it again.

_Jealous idiot._

I pulled him closer to me and kissed him again. His hands slid up my back, coming to rest on my shoulders. I felt his body relax after a few seconds, so that was when I moved back to look at him.

My voice was soft, "I do want you, Jasper. More than I could ever want anyone else. But Jacob is special to me, and I have to at least try to be friends with him."

I was positive of my place in the world with Jasper. He was a deeply rooted part of me that I could never get rid of if I wanted to feel whole.

But what was Jacob to me now? He was more than a friend, and he was different from a brother, but I knew that I could never love him the way I loved Jasper.

I needed to find out my standing with the werewolf, no matter what. I _had_ to know if he hated me for this or not.

Jasper's wise eyes flickered with understanding and he nodded. He didn't look happy about it- not even a tiny bit- but at least he wasn't arguing.

I added, "Besides, Silas is there. We're spending spring break with him and the pack."

He snarled, "You and Silas are _living _with several volatile young werewolves that could kill you before you even realize they attacked?"

I smiled brightly, not sharing at all with his fear. "Yeah, pretty much."

Jasper glowered at me. I took his hand and started walking again, promising him, "We're perfectly safe, Jasper. I know that Jacob will never hurt either of us. He's going to keep us safe. Don't you trust me?"

Jasper snorted, "I trust _you_. I _don't_ trust your mutt, though."

That confirmed it. This journey, the one I must travel to try and find some balance between the two men who meant the most to me- excluding Silas, was going to be a very rocky and difficult one to travel.

Lucky for me, I was up for the challenge.

* * *

_Today I recommend a one-shot. _Sweet Surrender_ written by _EtrnlPsyche._ It's an AH-Jasper/Bella lemon. It has chocolate. Loootttsss of chocolate._

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	17. Treaty Bending

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_This chapter is dedicated to Jade Lyssy Swan, because your review made me happy._

_Silas in the enxt chapter for sure, you guys! I know you miss him. :O_

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We reached the border between Cullen and Werewolf territory at midnight. Embry was waiting for me, and he jumped to his feet the second he spotted us.

With a few long strides, he had made it to the border. He stood toe to toe with Jasper, and the two of them glared at one another aggressively.

Without breaking eye contact, Embry asked me, "Are you ready to go _home_, Bella?"

I answered him coolly, "I'm ready to go back to Jake's house. Is he there?"

Embry's cold voice answered, "Not yet. He probably won't be back soon."

I frowned and asked, "Why not?"

Finally, the boy turned his head to look at me. The anger and judgment in his eyes made me flinch. Jasper growled, but Embry ignored him.

Embry announced, "He's busy. Paul explained what happened to Kim and Jared's parents. Quil is about to phase for the first time, he's in the forest by the beach with Jacob."

Alice's eyes widened and she asked, sounding shocked rather than accusing, "You're keeping Bella and Silas around while a new wolf is transforming?"

Embry glanced dismissively at Alice. "Yeah."

Jasper's hand tightened around mine and he asked darkly, "How can you be sure she'll stay safe?"

Embry answered sharply, "I'll keep her safe! I am a protector, it's my job."

Jasper snorted. "Because you did _so_ well protecting your pack mate earlier."

I felt my mouth fall open and I glanced at Jasper. How dare he!

Jasper's cruel words triggered the deepest parts of wolf instinct, loyalty to the pack. Embry's body started to quiver and his eyes flashed with hate. I pressed against Jasper and whimpered. I didn't want to see any more fighting tonight!

The second Embry exploded into his wolf body was the second Alice intervened. I didn't even see her move, and the next thing I knew she was holding Embry down as he thrashed.

Edward cautioned warily, "Alice, be careful."

Embry snarled and flailed, trying to snap at Alice. She kept her foot on his neck, making it quite impossible. Her voice was surprisingly calm when she tried to reason, "Hasn't there been enough violence for one day?"

I frowned at Embry, my eyes prickling with tears. I was sharing in the pain he felt for Jared's loss. Jared had become that older-brother type to me over the weeks we spent together.

Embry understood, and he relaxed. Edward announced seriously, "If you get off of him, he won't rip your arm off for crossing the border."

Alice gracefully sprang beside Edward, wrapping her arms around his. He pulled her close to him, glaring threateningly at Embry as he rolled onto his stomach. A second passed, and Edward glanced at Jasper.

Jasper's eyes were dark and troubled. He glanced at me and pled, "Don't go, Bella. Just get Silas and come back to our house. It's _not_ safe around these animals."

I shook my head. "I promised Silas we could stay at least a week here. If Jacob thinks it'll get too dangerous, then we will leave."

A second passed before Jasper announced, "I want to come with you."

Embry snarled, very clearly not approving of that idea. Alice reminded Jasper, "The treaty doesn't allow that, Jasper."

Jasper glared at his sister. "Forget the damn treaty. I'm not letting her go alone. _I refuse_. I go with her, or she's staying here."

Embry took a challenging step forward. Edward translated, "What if I take her from you, leech?"

I shivered when Jasper bared his teeth in a snarl of his own. He gently shoved me over to Edward and Alice, ready to fight if attacked again.

I slapped Edward's hand away and slipped in between the boys, setting one hand on Jasper's chest and the other on Embry's nose. I icily demanded, "Knock it _off_!"

Jasper's miserable golden eyes locked with mine and he whimpered, "Bella, please?"

Embry backed away suddenly, turning and darting into the forest. Edward tensely announced, "Jacob is on his way to sort out this problem- in his own words."

Jasper gently pulled me onto their side of the border again. His body was stiff, and he looked ready to kill as he took a few steps away from the border. He was truly afraid of what could happen to me on the other side of this invisible line. I could almost see the distress soaking off of him.

I gripped his hands in my own and tried to calm him down. "Jasper, you need to trust me. You're freaking out over nothing. Everything is fine."

Jasper glared at me and asked, "How can you be so sure, Bella?"

How _was_ I so sure? I only needed to think about Emily to know how easily things could get out of hand. With everything going on, emotional stress levels were bound to be running very high.

I just knew that nothing would go wrong, though. Jacob would never hurt me, or Silas. He was never going to harm one of us.

Just feeling it in my heart was enough. Without speaking, Jasper's defensive atmosphere relaxed and he lowered his eyes. He whispered, resigned, "If it's what you want, I'll stop complaining."

Edward announced abruptly, "I have an idea."

We all glanced at him, but before we could ask what it was, Jacob sprinted into view. He ran right across the border and hugged me, demanding, "Are you okay?"

Jasper's entire face flared with both rage and jealousy. I gave him a stern warning look and returned Jacob's hug. I promised him the same thing I'd been promising Jasper. "I'm fine, they won't hurt me."

Jacob's big brown eyes looked into mine and he smiled a little bit. "I'm glad you came back, Bella."

My heart started to cry again. He was so happy just to see me. He knew as well as I did that I was leaving after spring break. He knew that everything was going to change now, that Jasper was back in my life.

He knew I was going to have to rip his heart out, and yet he smiled when he saw me.

It was obvious that he understood how much the dynamic between us changed. His hug was a little too fierce. A little _too_ tight. I felt my ribs protesting and I demanded, "Jake, let go, you're squishing me."

Before he had the chance to twitch a muscle, Jasper grabbed his shoulder and ripped him off of me. I heard the shoulder bone crack as Jasper tossed him across the treaty line. He snarled, "Hurt her and I'll send you to a taxidermy, _mutt_."

Jacob flexed his shoulder and his eyes flashed. "Touch me again, _leech_, and I'll force-feed you your own leg."

I glared at them both. Jacob lowered his gaze and mumbled an empty apology. Jasper crossed his arms stubbornly and looked away. I tried to distract the conversation, "Edward, you had an idea?"

"Jacob." His tone was firm with sudden authority. "I have a proposition for you."

Jake, to my surprise, calmly asked, "And that would be?"

Edward smiled. "If you permit me to stay with Bella, we will let you come see her at her house."

Jacob's eyes flashed and he stubbornly declined, "Never. I can come and see her anytime I want!"

Alice fought that, "Bella's house is within Cullen territory. If any of your pack members are on it, we can shamelessly rip you apart and you know it. It's the reason your brothers had to stand by and watch that gray one die in the forest."

I was surprised to learn that. I assumed Embry and Paul were waiting for Jacob to appear on scene. I didn't realize they had been aware of the fact they were breaking the treaty by just being there.

Jacob glanced at me and asked gruffly, "What do you think, Bella? Can we trust him?"

Jasper was much too hostile to be on enemy territory. Alice probably wouldn't go for it. Apparently, she was freaked out when the werewolves being around blinded her visions.

Edward was level headed and the only one tolerant enough to keep the peace among the wolves.

I nodded.

Jacob glanced at Edward. "You stay two feet away from us at all times."

Edward decided, "Unless Bella or Silas are in danger, I'll keep my distance."

Jacob sighed darkly, nodded once, and then pulled me across the border. He asked, "Do you want to go back to Silas now? I should be with Quil."

I smiled, "That's fine. Take as long as you need. You can go now, if you want. I know the way."

He looked torn, but he knew as well as I did that his friend needed him. Jacob gently brushed hair out of my face and whispered, "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay."

He phased before springing back towards the beach. Jasper fretted, "You'll call me, right Bella?"

I smiled at him. "Yes, I'll call you."

He kissed me gently, then whispered, "I love you, sugar bear. Keep Edward safe."

I smiled, "Don't worry, cowboy, I'll protect him from the big bad wolves."

Alice giggled, and I smiled at her. Edward asked me, "Are you ready, Bella?"

I took his hand and led him over the border. His entire body stiffened, but other than that he looked relatively calm. We waved to the others as we walked deeper into La Push. Soon, they were out of sight.

Edward asked me, "Anything I need to know before we get to the den?"

I warned him with total seriousness, "Watch out for Paul, don't be surprised if Embry stalks us, and you should hide if Kim comes over."

Edward's eyes softened and he asked, "She was Jared's mate, correct?"

I nodded.

Edward whispered fiercely, "He didn't mean to kill him, Bella. It's not Jasper's fault. When he's attacked, or provoked too hard, he can't help it. He's been hardwired to act aggressively."

I smiled sadly. "It's okay, Edward, you don't have to tell me. I know."

We neared the house, and to no huge surprise, Paul was waiting for us. He looked absolutely furious as he glared at Edward, but he stood stiffly and kept quiet as we climbed the stairs of the porch.

His detached voice informed me, "Silas was wanting you, Bella. He refuses to sleep until he sees you."

I sighed, "Okay. Thanks, Paul."

My answer was a bitter snort and a turned head. Edward followed me into the house and up the stairs. I stopped him from coming into Jacob's room.

He frowned in confusion. I explained quietly, "Silas doesn't exactly cope well with thinking about you guys yet."

Edward nodded and hung back as I entered the room.

* * *

_Today I will recommend the story _Walking The Ghost_ written by _voldemortperfumes_. It's the most unconventional Jasper/Bella you will ever find. It's a cannon based fic! This side of Bella just rocks. Other characters besides Jasper included._

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	18. Suprises upon Suprises

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_This chapter is dedicated to Oracle Vas. She will let me ramble about my problems when writing this fic until 3am. She will spend hours trying to help me comb through knots in my plot. She's awesome, and without her the story would not be as good. Love you, Ducky!_

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I woke the next morning because Silas started shaking me. The very moment my eyes were half-open he demanded, "Guess what?"

I rubbed the sleepy haze away from my eyes and played along. "You ate some sugar cubes for breakfast?"

It would explain why he woke me up at eight in the morning, when he had stayed up until one.

Silas shook his head, and announced excitedly, "Uncle Edward is here! He said he'd play Dominos with me and Embry later."

I sat up; surprised to find both Edward and Paul were in the room with us. Paul was sitting at the foot of the bed on the floor, looking tense and displaying an outwardly hostile shell. Edward sat on top of the dresser in the corner, looking annoyingly relaxed. He was staring unblinkingly at Paul. The un-natural state of calm seemed to make Paul more wound up then usual, which was probably Edward's intention.

"Paul," I brought attention onto myself, "What are you doing in here?"

Had he been in here all night? I talk in my sleep, so I would certainty hope not!

Without looking at me Paul answered, "Guarding you."

I rolled my eyes, but otherwise ignored the topic. I was, however, slightly curious to where Embry was. _He_ was my bodyguard, wasn't he?

Edward pointed out, "She doesn't need guarding. She's safer with me then any of you."

Paul- if it was even possible- seemed to bristle even more. He demanded angrily, "What makes you think she's not safe with us? We don't survive by drink-"

Edward threw Jacob's alarm clock at Paul and it broke as it cracked into his shoulder. A growl bubbled out of Paul's throat, but Edward ignored it. His eyes flashed and he hissed, "_Not_ with Silas here."

Paul sprang to his feet angrily. Before I saw him move, Edward was standing not five whole inches away from Paul. A low, sinister snarl emitted from the vampire. Silas's eyes widened and he pressed himself against me.

Paul tensed up in surprise. He sounded uncharacteristically small when he pointed out, "T-that's not two feet away."

Edward's straining fists made it clear he was fighting back his temper. I felt a shiver run across my body when he snarled quietly, "I think it's time for you to leave, Paul, so Bella can get dressed."

Paul never was one to stand down from a challenge, but it was pretty clear Edward had intimidated him. He hastily backed towards the door and grumbled, "I'll go start breakfast." He eyed Edward warily before closing the door and ambling to the kitchen.

I asked hesitantly, not sure I really wanted to know, "What was that about?"

Edward shrugged, his eyes just a little too innocent. "Nothing important."

I didn't believe him at all, but I didn't bother asking questions. If he wasn't going to tell me- he wasn't going to tell me. He hovered outside of the door as I changed my clothes and got Silas dressed.

Silas struggled into his shirt, then asked me, "Mama, why _is_ Uncle Edward back? I thought you said he had to leave with daddy."

I halted what I was doing. My entire body, and mind, just froze. He just called Jasper...

I glanced over my shoulder, meeting his wide and curious eyes. I insisted, "Jacob is your daddy, Silas."

He shuffled his foot and started playing with the hem of his shirt. Lowering his eyes he asked sadly, "What if I don't want him to be, mama? What if... I miss my _real_ daddy? Is he back, too?"

I led Silas over to the bed and sat down with him. I asked, shocked, "I thought you liked Jacob, baby? What made you change your mind?"

He shrugged a little, and his eyes started watering. "You asked if I wanted a new daddy. You never said I could have my old one back."

Well that was great! Really, it was wonderful that Silas missed Jasper just like I did. My heart had fully broken away from Jacob- in the romantic sense at any rate. If Silas wanted Jasper back in our lives as well, everything was just that much easier.

It was going to hurt to convince Jacob this was for the best, but I knew he would try his hardest to understand. I knew he would try to accept this decision. Being a werewolf, he knows a thing or two about just knowing what the heart needs. Mine needs Jasper, and apparently so does Silas's.

I hugged my son and promised him, "You can have whoever you want, Silas. Just tell me what you want." I would get Silas the moon if he needed it. If something told him it was Jacob that should be in his life, then I would find a way to make that work. But, if he really did want Jasper, then he could have him.

Silas looked up at me, looking worried. "Could we still come see Jake, mama? We can't just leave him like daddy left us. It'll hurt him- just like it hurt us."

I felt tears prickling at my eyes. My poor little guy. No child his age, barely into his fifth year of life, should be able to conjure logic like that. His entire world should be about laughter, and Skittles, and smiling. But, instead, he was worrying about things that shouldn't even cross his mind for at least another five years.

Silas suddenly looked alarmed. "Mama, why are you sad?"

I smiled at him, and for once it was a real smile. "Don't worry, Silas. Daddy is never going to hurt us again, okay? He is back, and he's here forever."

He shook his head, "Embry says there's no such thing as 'forever'."

"Embry is wrong." I insisted. Silas smiled and nodded acceptingly. I set him back onto the floor and smiled back. "Let's go see what Paul is making for breakfast."

* * *

Embry and Quil returned to the house shortly before noon. Quil was a lot bigger then last time. He was about Carlisle's height now, and only a little less in bulk then Emmett.

We were all in the living room when they arrived. Edward was sitting right beside me, and Silas was in his lap listening to the stories he had to tell about the airplanes he picked out in Russia. Silas found it just spectacular that Edward once wanted to be a flyboy.

Paul was pacing the room irritably until the door opened. He glued himself to Embry's side the moment the two boys entered the house. A brief exchange was whispered, and several dark looks were exchanged between the three wolves and Edward. After a moment, the brief exchange ended.

Silas demanded Edward's attention, and he got it. Paul went upstairs, and Quil sat on the couch on the opposite side of the room. He smiled at me, and I smiled back.

Embry sat beside me. I asked, "Where's Jacob?"

The pack's new beta frowned at me. "Something really unexpected happened last night. Something _totally_ unexpected, actually."

"What?" I asked warily. Jacob wasn't hurt was he?

He seemed to read my mind. "He's fine. He'll be here really soon. With… the other pack members."

I felt my body shock with surprise. The other pack members? _What_ other pack members? He had only said Quil…

Embry explained, "Leah and Seth Clearwater turned last night as well."

Silas beamed. "Seth's a wolf, too? Cool!"

Edward asked Silas, "Who is Seth?"

Silas glanced at his uncle and smiled. Just as Silas began a memory-transfer, the door swung open. Able to concentrate on more then one thing, Edward's eyes snapped up to meet Jacob's as he entered the house with the Clearwater kids.

Leah looked a lot different from last time I saw her. She was taller, and had very toned muscles. Unlike usual, she didn't look unhappy. Her infamous half-frown and sad eyes were gone. She was practically beaming.

Seth was quite tall, an inch or two more then Paul even. He did look considerably stronger, as a boy his age didn't have much muscle to him to start with, but he was definitely the smallest in the back.

Jacob glanced at me, but his smile looked a little forced. He asked, "Can I talk to you, Bella?"

He nodded towards the less crowded kitchen. I went over to his side and agreed, "Sure."

Edward frowned when Silas bounced over to Seth's side. He glanced at me in worry, looking torn between staying with Silas, or coming with me.

There was no way I would let Silas be alone with three new werewolves. As I headed towards the kitchen I ordered Edward, "Stay in here."

I wandered into the kitchen, and Jacob joined me a moment later. He gently pulled me over to the back door, making us as far away from the pack as possible without going upstairs. Jacob's eyes were brimming with anxiety and confusion.

I sensed that today it was my turn to help him. I wrapped my arms around him and set my head on his chest, looking up. I asked softly, "Jake, what's the matter?"

He asked me, "Bella, where are we at now that the leech is back?" The house fell almost completely silent. Embry hastily distracted the pack by asking who wanted to watch a movie.

I felt my heart starting to thump again. I knew this talk was coming, but I wish it didn't have to happen. I wish that Jacob could just _understand_ that he wasn't right for me. But how could he? He can't read minds- I had to tell him that. I had to make him understand that I didn't need a lover.

What I did need from him was a mystery to even myself.

Jacob didn't like my hesitation. He suddenly looked very tender and he whispered reassuringly, "You can tell me, Bella. I want to know what you want from me." His eyes flashed with worry and he half-whined, "I need to know if you still want me at all."

I took a second- or more- to collect the thoughts that swam in my head all night. I had decided exactly what I wanted him to hear. "Jacob, I will always want you in my life. I had thought that you were the one for me, but I was wrong. You don't know how sorry I am that I gave _us_ such a false hope. Jasper is the one I need to be with."

I paused, hoping he wasn't too upset. He just nodded for me to go on.

I sighed a little. "A part of me will never stop loving you, Jacob, but not in the way you're hoping for."

Jacob asked me, "But you'll never _not_ want me around, right? I'm still your Jacob?"

I was surprised to see him look so terrified as he waited for an answer. Why was he so afraid? Did he really think I could just cast him aside? He had done so much for me, more then I could ever properly thank him for. I'd never take that for granted and pretend we were not closer then any friends ever could be.

I promised whole-hearted, "You'll always be my Jacob."

Relief washed over him. His body relaxed and he smiled a little bit. His eyes, too, looked less troubled. I asked curiously, "What makes you ask? I thought you of all people already knew that."

Jacob shifted uncomfortably and sighed. "Bells, I need to tell you something. Something… _strange_ happened last night."

I recalled how fidgety Embry seemed talking about the topic of 'last night', and honestly was not surprised. I asked, "What is it?"

He grimaced. "Leah imprinted on me."

* * *

_Today I recommend the story _Midnight's Horizon_ written by _The Lamb Loves The Lion_. It's a Jasper/Alice fic. It's sort of an AU twist of the actual book Twilight. It rocks._

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	19. Jump

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_This chapter is dedicated to all of you, for supporting the new love square. XD

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_

Those four simple words struck me harder then I was ready for. I lost the breath in my lungs as I gaped at him. As the seconds passed, the meaning of what he said started to weigh upon me heavily.

Leah… _my_ Jacob… imprinting?

I sucked in a sharp breath of air. My voice turned out a bit sharper then I had intended when I asked, "How is that possible?"

A better question was- why was I so upset about this? It was perfect. It solved every problem that we had to face. Jacob could go back to being my friend, while loving Leah. I could be fully devoted to Jasper and Silas, and not have to worry about hurting Jacob. This freak thing happening was the simple answer to everything.

No matter how illogical, I was upset about it. I was still a young woman, who was emotionally connected to this boy on levels I never imagined were possible. It was probably natural for me to feel that hot scorch of jealousy run across my heart. I hoped it was natural, because it was there, and _damn-_ was it painful.

My instantly aggressive reaction to his news put Jacob on edge. He wrung his fingers together and his body stiffened again. His eyes looked desperate and he shook his head. "We didn't think it _was _possible, Bella. If we hadn't been phased, and been able to feel the change in her, we might not have even realized it happened."

I blinked in surprise. "You could _feel_ her imprinting?"

Jacob nodded, "It's a physical thing. I've told you that."

Suddenly, I was quite interested in what exactly happened during an imprint. How was it physical? There was nothing _physically_ linking two people together.

I asked him curiously, "What does it feel like?"

"It's different for us all." Jacob started awkwardly. "With Leah, it was so powerful it affected all of us."

"Why was it powerful?" I asked him. Was it because her imprint was trying to over-ride his own for me? Was _that_ even possible? Could Jacob un-imprint on me?

He looked away from me evasively. Suspicion prickled at me, was he hiding something? I squeezed his hand in my own and asked, "Tell me, Jake."

He sighed, but of course, he told me. "We went to talk to Sam about it. He thinks that it's because Leah might be better for me." Defiance rippled in his eyes and he whispered, "But that's not true, because I didn't imprint on _Leah_."

The tense air that his words started to build around us was unsettling. I tried to distract it by asking, "What about that, then? What did it feel like when you imprinted on me?"

Jacob smiled sadly at me. "When I saw you in the back that day, I felt drawn to you. Almost like we were magnets. The strongest magnets in the entire world. The second my eyes met yours, it was like nobody would ever be able to pull us apart."

Wow, it was a physical thing after all.

He whispered sadly, "Nobody except for you, anyway."

I frowned at him, but he didn't give me the chance to say anything. He just smiled sadly at me, and then shuffled back into the living room with the pack.

I tried to stop my heart from throbbing as I followed him.

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For lack of room, the pack of us had moved into the back yard for mull about. Silas was sleeping in Edward's lap under a small tree.

Paul was standing around with Quil and Seth, and the three of them muttered angrily to one another as they cast shifty glances at Edward.

Embry and I were in a conversation about how faulty the school systems were. Jacob and Leah had been with us, until the phone rang. When Jacob went to answer it, she followed him. It was painful to see that- because it reminded me of how Jared had been with Kim.

"Seth!"

Everyone jumped when Leah's voice rang out from the house. She opened the back door, suddenly looking very worried. "Seth, we're going to the hospital again. Come on."

Seth's eyes widened and he darted into the house, disappearing with his sister. Embry glanced once at me before following. Paul and Quil flanked their beta as they sought out Jacob. I went over to Edward and asked, "What's happening?"

Edward furrowed his brow, and I realized he was saying what Jacob was saying to the pack. "Harry's heart is failing. Embry, take my dad and meet them at the hospital. I'm going to take Kim over to Sam's house, because her mom is worried about her. Paul, will you call Charlie and tell him about Harry?"

I felt the breath in my lungs escape me. Harry was one of Charlie's three closest friends. If he died, Charlie was going to have a hard time for a while. I hoped Paul could break the news to him easily.

Edward snapped his head away from the house and looked at me. "We're being left alone with Quil and Paul."

He looked very worried, which in turn unsettled me. "Is that a bad thing, Edward?"

He didn't answer me. Quil wandered outside and stalked over to us, sitting directly two feet away from Edward. He eyed the vampire suspiciously as he informed me, "Jacob wants you to know he'll be back soon."

"Okay." I answered nervously.

The two supernatural creatures were really glaring at one another. It was deathly silent for quite a while, until Paul exiting the house broke the silence. He came to stand behind Quil, and glared down at Edward.

I felt an odd churning of fear in the pit of my stomach when Edward growled suddenly. A low, sinister growl.

With a snort, Paul and Quil both retreated to the other side of the fence. Edward's eyes were black with a fury I've never seen in him before. Gently, but rather swiftly, he set Silas in my arms. I gripped him fearfully, suddenly getting a feeling that this wasn't the safest place for us to be.

I lay Silas on the ground behind the tree. The movement had woken him, and he peered sleepily at me. I whispered, "Silas, stay here, okay? Do _not_ move from this spot for anything."

He looked confused and he sat up, watching me with hazy eyes as I bounced to my feet in the same second Edward did. He stalked dangerously towards the two hotheaded werewolves. At that moment, he didn't look like one of my very best friends. He was not my gentle, wise, self-disciplined Edward Cullen.

He was just one really unhappy vampire, who apparently didn't like the thoughts his mortal enemies were thinking.

Quil whispered something to Paul, and Edward snarled as he coiled into an aggressive crouch. Paul accepted the challenge- his body quivering for a few seconds before he exploded into his more fearsome half. Teeth bared and snarling, Paul flexed his back legs to spring at Edward.

I would later ask myself what compelled me to do what I did next. Why would I fear so much for Edward, knowing he could take care of himself? Why would I risk myself when I had a son to think about? A fiancé and two parents to consider?

I never did think of an answer.

All I knew during the one second that Paul took to collect his strength was that my brother could die. That my Jasper and my Alice- every member of my second family- would be shattered and heart broken when they had to burn Edward's torn up pieces.

And I knew I had to try to help. I had stood there and watched Jared die. I had held his broken body and gotten his blood on my hands. I was not about to watch someone I considered a real, true family member fall to the same fate.

The second that Paul launched himself at Edward, jaws snapping like a fox trap, was the exact same second that I jumped in between them.

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**A/N**: In case anyone wants to know what caused the fight- Paul and Quil were plotting ways of getting revenge for Jared by killing Jasper. That didn't make for a very happy Edward.

And don't be upset about the chapter length. This is the very shortest one in the whole fic. The next chapter is the longest. It evens out, see. :D

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_Today I recommend the story_ Someone To Love Me_ written by me! *grins and scampers off*  
_

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	20. JPOV, One More Bite

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_Everyone should send a Get Well Soon PM to Oracle Vas today. She has been feeling bad, and she could use a friendly nudge or two. ^_^_

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JPOV

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It felt like my heart was being shredded into a thousand different pieces. Everything was just so, _so_ wrong in the world.

Bella, my soul mate and my only love, had actually wanted me back. She had preserved my existence from the beast, and she had actually accepted me back into her life. Was that what felt so wrong to me?

No, it would never be that. Living this half-life without Bella was worse than any second death some werewolf could have inflicted me with. Honestly, if she had wanted to choose this Jacob character over me, then I would have been devastated with the fact she allowed him to allow me to live. I would have wanted to die knowing she wanted to move on from me. The sentence 'A life without Bella' wasn't a physical possibility to me anymore. What would I have had left to live _for_, if she was gone?

Oh no, it was not her accepting me back that made me feel slimy and disgusting. It was the way her decision was forced upon her. There was no chance for us to sit down and have a proper talk about everything. She literally had one fraction of a second of her being shoved across the line that separated my and Jacob's world. Did she want the vampire, or did she want the werewolf? She had been given no chance at all to sort things out and then weave her life in the direction she wanted. It was torn to shreds in less then one minute.

_Please Jacob, don't._

_Go back to La Push._

_Why did you ever leave me, Jasper? You should have never left._

I have lived for entirely too long around every sort of emotional climate imaginable. I had not once, _not ever_, felt someone radiate so much hurt, and misery, and heartbreak.

Maybe it was because I was so attuned to Bella that I felt her emotion so strongly. Maybe it was because I considered her heart my most cherished of possessions, my very lifeblood, that I had been able to feel every single one of my nerves simply _weeping_ with her guilt and her anguish.

No matter the reason, I knew the root for it. I knew that _I_ was the very reason for her every pain. I was too weak to protect her. I was too scared to stay with her. I was too useless to deserve her.

"Jasper." Alice's gentle voice broke the hour-long silence. "What's the matter? You look like you just saw your own death."

Did I look that forlorn? I wouldn't have doubted it at all.

Alice and I were sitting at the border of Cullen/Wolf territory. The very edge of the border. In fact, our toes were more then likely on the imaginary line that sliced the territory right into half. From this distance, I could monitor them. I had a firm and accurate hold on both Bella and Silas's emotional climates. She made me stay here, but she never said I wasn't allowed to keep my third eye on her.

"This is stupid." I answered my sister sharply, though we both knew the sharpness was not directed towards her. "I should be there with her. No- better yet. She should be _here_ with us. What the hell does she think she's thinking? Werewolves! Of all the things!"

My voice may have been hard with anger, but fear was radiating off of me so violently it was affecting Alice. I saw her shiver, and she started to jitter around where she sat. She paid no attention to the unwanted emotion, though. Her entire reserve of energy was focused sympathetically on me.

"She said we could trust them, Jasper. Don't you think that she knows what she's talking about?"

I glared at her, scolding her for her blind acceptance. "Are you just trying to make me more anxious, Alice? Bella is still very young, and her attachment to the dog only makes her clarity that much foggier. Even if she cannot realize it, Bella _doesn't know_ what she is talking about."

I've heard the stories the others had to tell. Rosalie and Emmett's tales about the first pack, and how close our family came to fighting with the three of them before Carlisle could make peace with their alpha. Tanya and her clan actually _had_ fought against some before in Alaska, and both Irina and Eleazar nearly died during the battling.

Our venom was the only protection we had against something that was bigger than us, stronger than us, and just as fast as us. One bite would cause them pain beyond what they are able to tolerate. Two bites shut their entire body system down for a few hours. Three could over-load the bloodstream and kill all wolves- except maybe the very _biggest_ in the pack. Even then it would take days to heal fully.

Do you think it was easy to bite them three times when they _always_ have pack brothers to help fight you off?

Edward was in danger. Bella was in danger. Silas was in danger. And what was I doing? Sitting on the ground in the shade of a tree, out of immediate reach of my mate and young kin.

"Edward is there to protect her." Alice reminded me for the twenty-third time.

"That is not good enough." I replied for the twenty-third time. "Those boys are not stupid, Alice. How long will it take one to figure out- if they don't already know- that it would be easy for them to hurt him? If one has the thought, the others have the thought. Don't you think several of his closest friends could convince that leader of theirs to do it?"

Alice shook her head stubbornly, though I could feel her sudden terror at the very idea of losing Edward. "No, I don't think that. If he tells them no they have to listen, that's what Edward said on the phone last night."

I pointed out, unable to stop myself from trying to deconstruct their system. "He imprinted on her. He loves her, Alice, and he knows that she's picked me over him. His jealousy almost scorched me yesterday when he saw her with me. If one of his friends point out that removing me from the picture means he can have Bella, he might test the theory."

After a tense silence Alice hopefully whispered, "I disagree. He wouldn't do that to her. Not if this imprint thing is everything we think it is."

We fell back into silence. Alice was mingling with fear, and anxiety, and horror. I wanted to slap myself for voicing my thoughts aloud to her. Why should she have to suffer the same way I was?

I glanced repentantly at her, hoping she could see my apology in my eyes. I would never intentionally scare her with such thoughts. I hadn't realized it as I spoke them.

Her frown twitched up into the smallest of smiles, an understanding smile. She lightly set her hand on mine and we both sighed.

Then her eyes got that far-away look and her muscles tensed. Could she see the werewolves? Was something happening?

A half of a second passed and her focus returned. She smiled and nodded east. "Irina's caught our scent. We'll have visitors in twenty seconds."

_Irina_.

I had become acquainted with Tanya's sister a long time ago. It was 1956, less then a decade since I had joined the Cullen family. Alice had found Edward ten years previous, and dragged him across the country to meet me with her as I happened across that diner. Anyway, we had been living in Delaware at the time, and I had my second accident.

My first had been in Virginia, but it was only a homeless man, so we didn't have to flee. In Delaware, however, the girl who fell victim to me was a mere child. At that, an important business man's child. Edward said suspicions were being aroused about our mysterious family, so we took precaution and went across the country to Alaska for a while.

All three of Carlisle's lady friends had taken an interest to me. I had warned Tanya off instantly, knowing that she was not looking for commitment at the time, she was just rather lusty for a _vampire_ companion after so long of human men.

I warned her quite simply that I was not interested, and she'd be a lot happier if she kept that in mind. Unsettled and unsure, she retreated.

Irina was far more persistent. One dark midnight hunt too many had she irritated me, and I ended up attacking her. I had less control of my own emotions back then. It had been so very soon after leaving Peter and Charlotte. I was still rather depressed, and still extremely temperamental. Irina was lucky that Rose and Emmett had been hunting with us, or I surely would have bitten her.

Kate was my favorite of them all. I thought, at first, that she _could_ have been a potential mate for me. Her almost constant playfulness was healthy for me so soon into such a frighteningly different life from the hateful one I had known. She had had both the patience and fire to keep up with my hotheaded outbursts towards her.

We had gotten quite involved after a year or so. After the first and only time we shared a romantically intimate night together did we come to decide, on both parts, that it just didn't feel right. I was happy to say, though, that I had maintained a good relationship with her after our 'fall-out'.

She was a friend, while Irina still irritated me.

The vampire in question, with Laurent at her side, ran into view a couple of moments later. Alice and I both stood up and turned to face them.

"Jasper, Alice!" Irina greeted cheerfully. I was not too surprised to feel the affection she and Laurent had towards one another as they joined us. It had been more than a year since we saw him- and his eyes were now golden.

Alice and Irina engaged a conversation, but I smiled slightly at Laurent. "You've taken well to the new diet, then?"

He grimaced. "I still have to get used to how different everything tastes, but I have not slipped yet. Our trip to Hoquiam was my first time away from Denali."

I would have responded, but quite suddenly a stab of pure terror struck me in the back. It was Silas's fear. I whirled around, staring wide-eyed into La Push. My three comrades fell silent, clearly noticing my sudden panic.

I instinctively focused entirely and completely on Bella's presence. Just one second after the ripple of fear struck me, Bella's own feelings crashed down like a mighty wave.

Suddenly, there was such a torture that gripped me that nothing else existed. I could not feel the ground under my feet. I could not see the distant houses and trees before my eyes. Alice, Irina, and Laurent were not beside me.

I saw absolutely nothing but the red flash of distress, as Bella's pain became my entire being. A fire worse then the flames of hell flashed across my neck and chest and made me fall onto my knees.

And then there was nothing from her. Absolutely _nothing_.

Alice gasped and dropped to her knees beside me. "Jasper, what is it? What's wrong?"

It took me a fourth of a second to shove my horror and my fear to the side. My instincts screamed danger at me. Something just happened. Something bad.

I didn't need to think to make the decision that slipped from my mouth in a fearsome snarl, "_Werewolf._"

I rocked onto my feet and pushed forward, barreling right over the border of the territories and tearing my way into La Push. I knew the other three were with me. I could hear them, I was vaguely aware of their mixed confusion and worry as they tried their best to keep up with my furious pace as we practically flew over the soil of the reservation.

It took exactly nineteen seconds for me to arrive in Jacob Black's back yard. The sight that met me was a terrible one.

Lying on the ground, barely breathing and fountaining with blood, was Bella. Her side and stomach were viciously torn open. Silas was cowering against a tree, crying in fear.

Edward was fighting like a trapped cougar as he attempted to hold off two of the wolves all by himself.

As his reinforcements entered the scene, we all sort of divided. Alice's heart was shattering- but she was forced to ignore Bella and run straight to Silas. The whirlwind of fighting was drawing dangerously close to him. She picked him up and disappeared the other direction.

Laurent and Irina both jumped the new wolf, the one who had not been in the forest last night.

Every single instinct I had violently yanked me towards my dying mate. She was starting to choke on blood that was gathering in her mouth. She needed to be turned onto her side or she would drown herself in it. I didn't have time for that, though. Somehow, the hostile wolf from the clearing yesterday had managed to grab Edward and clamp his teeth around his arm. Edward screeched with fury as it started to tear off.

I darted over to his side and hit the wolf's jawbone so hard I heard it completely shatter. With a cry of pain, he reeled back and stumbled. Edward turned to jump him but I got in the way.

_Save Bella!_ My mind screamed at him. He had been to medical school with Carlisle twice, he was the best suited to help her now.

He hesitated, "But her blood!"

Her blood was more potent to him then anything else on the whole planet, and she was soaked in it. I knew that in this case, he was more dangerous to her then even Laurent was.

The wolf sprang at me and I snarled inside of my head. _Damn it Edward, just help her!_

Without another protest, he dropped onto his knees beside her and ripped his shirt off, tightly tying it around the deepest part of her wound before he picked her up and began to run.

My enemy landed on me and pinned me to the ground, about to snap at me for the kill. I could feel a malice deeper then just natural opposition blackening his heart. He had seen me kill that other one, and he wanted to take my life for payment.

I snarled at him and bit his paw so hard it broke. He yelped and jumped away from me. All of my old instincts flooded back with a vengeance. The desire to fight. The lust to kill. The need to survive.

I jumped on top of him and sank my teeth into his neck so deeply I tasted his wretched blood pooling in my mouth. It was vile and bitter, and I actually gagged on it before I had to spit it out. He managed to knock me off of him as he stumbled away, his muscles already tightening from the double shot of venom.

He had blood on his mouth. _He_ had attacked her. _He_ had hurt her. A rage so harsh it was painful started to throb within me. If she dies, it was _his_ fault!

"Jasper!" Irina wailed suddenly. I could see her in the corner of my eye. Laurent was standing tensely beside her, keeping an eye on the bigger wolf as he lay on the ground and fought for breath. "Jasper, another one is coming!"

I followed her gaze and saw that she was right. _Jacob _was racing towards us at a fast rate, his looking both confused and angry. We needed to flee.

But the gray wolf deserved to die. I was one bite away from it. Just one more little bite and he would suffer in agony as all of his organs shut down one by one for the next ten hours.

The most primal of every creature's instinct began to take over my body. Fight or flight. Did I risk my own life for revenge, or did I admit defeat and run?

Their alpha was almost here.

I only needed one more simple bite...

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_Todays fic is From_ Innocence To Experience _written by _Thallium81_. It is a mystery fic, that actually keeps the attention. It's pretty epic._

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	21. Indigo Skies

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_This chapter is dedicated to _Will work for TATERTOTS 8 _because you made me happy. I'd sign your copy of my book if I ever met you. lol_

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The first thing I noticed when I regained consciousness was the pain. Oh, _such_ pain it was. It felt like I had been run over by a car, but rather then just breaking the ribs that I knew were cracked- the hot rubber had remained attached to my skin and was burning slowly through the flesh.

The second thing I noticed was the other sort of fire that was scorching my lungs and throat. It was the too-weak and too-dry sort. I realized, as I opened my hazy eyes and my mind slowly crawled into the world of the alert, that it was a struggle for me to breathe.

That led me to the third and least significant thing. My mouth tasted like blood.

What had happened to me? Why did I hurt so much? My head was spinning, and there was a vaguely familiar ache on my shoulder that I only noticed because I had tried to move it. Was I at a hospital? It was so very dark. Did they turn lights off at hospitals?

Somewhere in the room, an irritated snarl bounced off the glass windows and echoed dramatically in my hyper-alert ears. It was the sound that triggered the memories.

I saw the sunlight glittering off of Paul's teeth as his jaw snapped my fragile human body like a twig under his massive paw. I felt the flesh tear. I heard the bones crunch. I heard Silas's scream, and all those terrible snarls.

I hadn't realized I had cried out and begun to flail until a pair- two actually- of cold hands restrained me. The smaller set forced my legs still, and the larger ones pressed my arms over my chest in an X shape to pin me to the bed.

"Bella! Bella, calm down, you're safe!" A soothing male voice rang into my ears.

I gasped and tried to struggle away from the restraining hands. It hurt my throat terribly to do so, but I rasped in panic, "Edward! W-where's Edward?"

The male voice gently assured me, "Bella, I'm right here. I've got you, honey, just relax."

I fell totally still, mentally scrambling. I was so disoriented I couldn't tell if it really was Edward or not. It could have been Rosalie, for all I knew. My heart thundered painfully in my chest and I gasped for air.

"Alice, turn the lights on and get her some water." Supposed-Edward ordered quickly. A half of a second later the lights flicked on. I had been willing to calm down, but not anymore.

I saw everything get lighter, but it was still dark to me. Faceless shadows moving around in a blur. Was I going blind? Oh, God!

I started crying and clutched Edward's hands. "I c-can't s-see!"

"It's okay, just relax and let it come back." Alice's soft, reassuring voice promised me. "You hit your head really hard when you were thrown to the ground. It's because the lights came on too fast, it's called flash blindness."

I took a few deep breaths, trying to make myself trust their knowledge. After twenty or so seconds, the shadows began to retreat and I could see the blurry, colorful smudges of my brother and sister.

"Would you like some water?" Edward asked me as soon as I had fallen limp. I nodded miserably. That would alleviate one of the three sorts of fire. My little fit had flared my lungs and throat at me angrily. I wish I hadn't done it.

Alice helped support me as Edward brought the cup to my lips. As I sipped it, I regained my full strength of vision again. Damn, if I ever became blind, I was going to die of an anxiety attack.

I was lay back on the bed by Alice, who smiled at me. I frowned and asked, "Where are we?"

"Our house." Edward answered. "We told Charlie that you were hurt by a bear in the forest out back. He's come to see you, but you've been unconscious for two days."

Two days?

"Silas?" I asked with a slightly paranoid edge to my words.

They shared a concerned look. I tried to struggle into the sitting position. Doing so rocketed such a horrible spark of anguish through my abdomen. I grimaced and instantly fell back into the laying position.

Alice answered me, "Silas is in my room. I think he's asleep right now, it's almost four in the morning."

"What happened to me?" I asked through a fresh wave of tears. I was in a lot of pain. A broken leg had nothing on this. Hell, even Jasper's _venom _had nothing on this! Okay, that was a lie, but it only hurt a little less then the venom.

"Don't you know?" Alice asked carefully. She was testing my memory.

"Paul." I whimpered. "I g-got in the way of his attack."

Edward's eyes were reproachful as he glared sternly at me, but his voice was very soft when he spoke. "You shouldn't have ever done that, Bella. I would have been fine."

I promised, "I couldn't help it. I wasn't thinking, it just happened."

We were all silent for a while. I eventually got the courage to ask, "So what's the damage total?"

Edward reported instantly. "You have three broken ribs; and two lacerations. Fourteen and eight inches stretching from your left side to just below your chest."

"Why does my shoulder hurt?" I asked in confusion. I was _sure_ it really hurt. It hurt like a bitch.

Alice glared aggressively at Edward and informed me, "He bit you."

Edward hung his head, looking thoroughly ashamed of himself. "Alice couldn't get me to let go. She had to attack me. Then she got all territorial over you."

Alice explained. "I knew it would keep him away. Basic vampire instinct, avoid a more dominate vampire when they're protecting prey."

Her unhappy eyes glared at her mate again, and her voice was scathing. "He was lucky that I was so close behind him. You had already lost so much blood, if his venom started to spread for even a few more seconds it would have been too late for you."

I smiled and set a hand on Edward's knee. "Don't be so hard on him, Alice. I'd be _dead_ if it wasn't for Edward. He did his best."

Edward beamed like a small child who had been praised. He eyed Alice with mock-defiance. "I told you she wouldn't be mad at me."

I may be hurting, but I was alive. Silas was sleeping across the hall. Edward wasn't dead, and Alice wasn't heart broken. Jasper was…

"What happened to Jasper? Wasn't he with you, Alice?" I asked in another, stronger panic. My heart skipped a beat when I realized he had not been mentioned once. If Alice had come to save Silas, then that means Jasper would have come to fight. Had he not been able to hold of Quil _and_ Paul?

"I'm fine." My favorite, buttery voice answered from the doorway. I smiled brightly, as did he, when I turned my head to look at Jasper. Edward and Alice instantly backed away as he stalked across the room and sat on the bed with me. I heard the door close as we were left alone.

He laughed once when he saw me, a bitter and harsh laugh. "What is it with you and getting hurt?"

I shrugged sadly. Like I chose to end up injured all the time? It sort of just happened.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me tensely, though I knew he could feel what I was feeling. That was suspicious.

I frowned, guessing that he was stalling. I was afraid to, but I requested, "Just say what's on your mind."

I shrank away from the fury in his eyes when he snarled quietly, "Didn't I tell you this was going to happen, Bella? Didn't I _warn_ you not to trust those beasts?" The hate and scorn in his voice was startling to me.

He took no notice to my shock. He just continued to lecture me, sounding very accusing. "You told me you could trust them, Bella. You were so damn sure that you'd be safe- and now look at you! You could have _died_, damn it, why didn't you listen to me!"

The deepest parts of my heart knew that he was right to be angry with me. If I had been in his shoes, I would have been furious with _myself_ for not heeding the advice of an older and more experienced being. For risking not just my, but Silas's life as well.

But then other parts of me were trying to be in denial. They were making excuses like, 'I had only promised _Jacob_ wouldn't hurt me' and 'It was technically _Edward_ who was attacked'.

Those may both be true, but when it comes right down to the simple facts, I should have listened to Jasper. I didn't, and the thing he had worried about most did happen, and now he was furious with me.

To both his and my shock, I began to cry. Hard, heavy tears that shook my entire body.

A second later Jasper's cold arms were around me, his cheek on my non-wounded shoulder. He whispered softly, "Come on, darlin', stop it now. You don't have to be upset. I'm sorry I lost my temper."

I didn't even try to stop myself. Him slapping the truth right in my face wasn't what had set me off; it was what had _finally_ set me off. It was the blow to my mental barrier that shattered the carefully built box in my head. The one where I stuffed everything bad away to try and avoid it. I couldn't avoid it, though. Not forever. Eventually everyone must come to terms with everything.

Jasper had hurt me, and I _wasn't _okay with that.

I allowed myself to use Jacob for my own selfish pain, and now I had left him as heartbroken as I once was.

I was a bad mother who endangered my loving, fragile young son- and exposed him to horrible and dangerous things.

I didn't trust _myself_ enough to trust my very own soul mate, and it had caused us both unnecessary pain.

I was an idiot.

I was useless.

I was a waste of time.

I didn't deserve love.

Quite suddenly I understood everything about myself. It just struck me as fast as I had been injured two days ago. I realized and admitted to myself that I was just- plain and simple- a horrible person.

Jasper noticed my sudden feelings of self-loathing and scorn. He kissed my cheek, and I felt all of my nerves began to go numb. It did block out the pain from my wound, but it wasn't strong enough to stop me from hating myself.

I soon fell asleep glaring up at the twinkling indigo sky.

* * *

_If anyone wants to know the significance of the fics title, now that you've read this chapter, just ask me!_

_This week has been a rather bad one for me. I have done no reading. How about you all suggest a fic to me today. XD_

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	22. Ring

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_This chapter is dedicated to all of you, for being so patient. I'm sorry for the long wait! My muses didn't want me to write this one_.

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I was awoken sometime by Jasper. Judging by the shade of gray it was outside, it was just past noon. The steady rain beating against the windows had a rather relaxing effect on me. I had grown used to the rain over my time in Forks, and rather than loathe it I now relied on its consistency to keep me sane.

Sometimes a person just needed _some_ consistency in a life that was so unpredictable.

"Bella, you have to eat something." Jasper reminded me as soon as I was fully awake, his voice so gentle compared to last time I heard him that it startled me.

"What are you feeding me?" I asked, trying to match the level of caution I know he was using. Before I fell asleep, whenever that was, I had indeed come to accept that there were problems between us.

If we didn't use at least some caution right now, we would fall right off of the little ledge we were balancing on.

"Edward and Alice are fighting about it downstairs." He reported, his eyes twinkling playfully.

I smiled a little bit before realizing that there was a painful ache in my back. Lying down for so long was probably cramping the muscles something terrible. I asked Jasper, "Will you help me sit up."

"Of course." He answered instantly, carefully propping me upright as I struggled to find a position that was comfortable.

"I don't really hurt a lot today." I noted in shock. Last time I was conscious, I tried to sit up and made it three inches before my entire body started to throb. "How long has it been?"

"Oh, just eight or nine hours since you last fell asleep." He answered casually. "We called Carlisle, and he insisted on some _real_ pain medication. Charlie got some morphine from Dr. Snow and dropped it off here."

"Where is Silas?" I asked hopefully. How long had it been since we had seen one another? For me it _seemed_ like a day, but it was actually four if I remember the conversation I had early this morning correctly.

"Charlie offered to take him, but I didn't want to risk it. Alice is taking care of him." Jasper reported.

"Risk what?" I asked curiously. Charlie could cook well enough to keep Silas alive for a few days. Besides, the station wouldn't mind if he needed to take a week off for personal business.

Jasper's eyes flashed dangerously, and I frowned. He answered, "Risk him letting one of _them_ watch Silas while he was at work."

Oh. Right. My only approved babysitter was a wolf.

_Wolf. Jacob. Imprint._

"Jasper," I asked carefully, not wanting to give him the wrong message. "Has Jake come to visit?"

It was slightly difficult to keep him away from me when I was happy and healthy. Now that I was weak and hurt, it was just very difficult for me to imagine he'd be keeping his distance- vampires or not. I wouldn't mind seeing him, but at this moment in life, I'd be okay with him staying home.

I felt the urge to flinch away when Jasper's eyes met mine. The well-fed butterscotch I had just been looking into was suddenly ferociously black. I sat firm, though.

Jasper was very obviously struggling with his sudden rage. His arms flexed as his fists clenched. He tightened his shoulders and had to exhale slowly before he; apparently, decided he was calm enough to talk.

"Bella," he started, his tone firm and final, "You will _not_ be seeing any of your pack friends again. They are just too dangerous." His entire face contorted with pain, and I could swear he got paler.

I asked, "Should I call him and tell him to stay away?"

Against my own will, my heart started to throb. I didn't _want_ to do that to him. Even if it was best we break away from one another, the thought of having to tell him that made me want to cry.

"You don't need to." Jasper declined. "I took care of it."

Eyeing him suspiciously I asked, "How?"

Jasper's eyes and voice were as cold as ice when he answered me. "Did you know it takes exactly three bites to kill a werewolf? No less, very rarely more."

Fear began to paralyze me. I sat silently and waited to hear the worst. Jasper looked like an entirely different person. His eyes were vengeful, and his face was emotionless. He was, at the moment, not _my_ Jasper anymore. This was a glimpse of _Maria's_ Jasper. I didn't like him like this, but I was too afraid to interrupt his thoughts.

He growled quietly, his hands clenching. "The little gray one. His name?"

Little gray… "That's Paul." I chocked out. Had he killed Paul like he killed Jared? This time, it would have been out of revenge rather than instinct. Would Jasper really let himself become that sort of monster again, after he fought so hard to escape that life?

Jasper picked up on my emotional climate, horror clouded by fear and shock. His face became a little less fierce, and he sighed. "I didn't do it. Don't worry so much."

I relaxed, breathing a sigh of relief. Jasper looked disgusted with himself, and he harshly filled me in. "I was going to, Bella. I _am_ tired of hurting people, but this was so different. I wanted _so badly_ to make him suffer for hurting you. I was going to."

I comfortingly rubbed his knee. "Why didn't you?"

He sighed deeply, looking conflicted. "Like I said, I took care of this problem. Laurent and Irina made sure Jacob couldn't get to me. I was holding onto the boy. My venom had already rendered him immobile. It works fast, but you know that."

I laughed once, which surprised us both. I agreed simply, "I know that. Go on."

Clearing his throat a little he finished the story. "I made Jacob an offer. He could continue meddling with the coven at the price of his brother. Or, I would spare _Paul_ as long as he promised, on the lives of all his pack mates, to never bother anyone in the Cullen clan again."

"I'm part of the Cullen clan?" I asked. I was surprised to hear it said that way.

Jasper smiled. "You were part of the family the day I met you. Jacob just didn't realize that until you picked your side in front of him."

We were silent for a few seconds before Jasper promised, sounding sincere and a little sad, "I am sorry. I know that they are your friends, but I _can't_ lose you, Bella. I wouldn't survive it if you died."

By no conscious choice of my own, I bitterly whispered, "I've been dead before, Jasper."

I felt tears start to pool in my eyes, and slide down my cheeks before I could stop them. The day he came back was the day he felt the pain he inflicted me with.

Yes, he knew the pain, but how could I make him understand the emptiness? How was it possible for him to realize that I had just been _nothing_ without him? A hollow shell, unable to feel at first because the man that had become my heart tore away from me and left.

It's hard for the heart to hurt when the heart is not there.

That was why I was so ready to let Jacob in. I needed to be able to feel again. I wanted to be able to laugh, and to love, and even to cry. I just wanted to feel like I was something. Feeling like nothing was terrifying. _Being_ nothing was terrifying.

Jasper's hand gently clasped mine and he muttered, "I know that now, Bella."

I blinked away the blurry wall of tears and asked, desperately hoping that he wasn't just trying to make me feel better, "_Do_ you, Jasper? I can't do this anymore. I can't just pretend that everything is okay."

He lifted his head to look at me, looking agonized. I put on a brave face. It was best to just tell him what I had to tell him. He would never be able to be happy with me if I lied to him, or kept secrets.

"I know that you hurt, too, when you left us." I whispered sadly. I had seen it in his eyes. I heard it in his voice. Saying goodbye had ripped him apart. "I understand that you suffered, too."

Jasper scooted closer to me, crossing his legs and leaning closer. He whispered intensely, "I don't want you to think about _me_, sugar bear. I'm not the important one. I've had two centuries to get used to suffering. I need you to let me know how I can help _you_."

I leaned against his shoulder, closing my eyes. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me as tightly as he dared with my body being so fragile right now. I felt his chest and shoulders shaking as he started to sob tearlessly. His voice was broken when he begged, "Just talk to me, Bella! That's all I want you to do. Please, just tell me what you need me to hear."

I buried my face into his shirt, clinging onto his cold body. I'd been too hot for too long. I missed the cold.

My mind started to retreat from this topic. My heart was ripped completely in two. Half one wanted him to know because I wanted Jasper to know _everything_ about my life. Half two warned me to keep it all to myself and protect him from any more pain. His life has had enough of that.

Jasper was not going to let me hide from the truth anymore. He gently pushed me away from him, looking deep into my eyes. I felt like I would drown in his gaze.

He quietly informed me, "I _do_ know that leaving you had killed you. Maybe you still had blood in your veins and air in your lungs, but Silas showed me things yesterday, Bella. He said he wanted me to know what I had done to his mama."

The heartbreak in Jasper's eyes scared me. I asked breathlessly, "What did you see?"

Jasper frowned. "I saw you sitting in the forest with him the day I left, too confused to actually _talk _to your mutt. I saw you start to cry when he showed you a picture of us. I saw you lying on your bed like a vegetable, on the one-year anniversary of you moving here. I saw the day you decided not to wear the ring I sent you."

He trailed off. He had seen four of my most painful memories involving him. Memories _I_ didn't even like to think about. A secret part of me cheered. Now he really did understand.

I asked him hesitantly, "What else?"

Jasper grimaced, shaking his head a little bit. "I saw you so _happy_... with Jacob. You two were in the water, I assume after the jump Alice saw. Silas's view on it was a little foggy, but even he was able to tell that you were different. You practically radiated glee."

He saw the day that I realized I loved Jacob. He had seen examples of the very lowest points in my young life, caused by him; and one of the happiest ones, that did not involve him.

I squeezed his hand gently. "Why do you look so upset?"

"When I saw that you didn't have to hurt, and that you were able to smile and love with someone else's arms around you... I wondered if I made the right decision at all."

"Coming back?" I managed to ask through the fearful lump in my throat.

He shook his head, starting to look frustrated. "No. I would never think I was wrong for not staying away from you. I meant leaving in the first place."

"You did promise me that I had your faith." I pointed out. "You never even gave me the chance to let _me_ help you. You just assumed you knew the best for me without asking what I thought."

A half of a second passed, and then a light of understanding seemed to click on in between us. _That_ was the root of this. Of my unwillingness to accept him back into my heart. His trouble reconnecting with me. It all stemmed way back to that day in his bedroom, after he tried to bite me the first time.

He had promised me that he would trust me with helping him. When he didn't even ask for my help, it sent off signals that he _didn't_ trust me at all. He didn't want me to be the one to help him because he had not thought I could.

I had trusted him with my life every second I spent with him. Of course I would have wanted him to do the same.

"Can we start over?" He asked hopefully. "Can we just wipe the slate clean and do it all again? I'll do anything I have to if it will make you love me again. I just need the chance."

Just hearing him ask that was enough for me. For now. I brushed my lips against his, and he willingly accepted the kiss. A few moments later I snuggled closer and hugged him.

He set his hand on my heart, looking down at me as he patiently awaited some sort of response.

"I never stopped loving you, Jasper." I promised him. "I'll prove it, too, if you go home and get that ring for me."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling when his face lip up. "You want to wear it? You don't have to."

Jasper was my first love, and my only love. He was the keeper and string-puller of my heart. He was every part of me, the good and the bad. He was my everything.

I told him that one day it would happen. One day he would be my husband. I wanted that day to be some day soon.

I did want to wear his ring. I wanted it so badly it _hurt_.

Jasper grinned at me. "Yeah, Bella. Me too."

* * *

_I refer you all to my new story _The Project_ because it is my baby. I have put more thought and effort into it then I will choosing my husband. xD_

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	23. Car Washing

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_This chapter is dedicated to _TwilightBabeh09_, because my stories dazzle her more than Edward. *winks*_

_

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A lot can happen in sixty days._

_A person's wounds could almost fully heal. A person could re-bond with their fiance. A person could cave to the world's most adorable pair of puppy eyes and agree to start planning a wedding._

_A son could start to trust their estranged father. An ex-lover could write dozens of heartbroken letters and send them a person's way through a neutral police chief._

_Did I say dozens?_

_I meant to say sixty._

* * *

"Mama!" Silas shouted to me as he raced into the living room from the kitchen. He bounced into Jasper's lap, extending an envelope my direction. "Mama, you got another letter from Jake. Grandpa said to bring it to you."

I sighed as I took the letter, setting it aside rather than opening it. I didn't need to _read_ it to know what it said, anyway. It would be exactly as the first twenty-four were. In short: '_Paul never meant to hurt you, Bella. Please come back to me, I love you. The guys miss their alpha female. Did you want to know what happened yesterday?'_

Yeah, you should get the general idea.

After a brief argument, which I lost, I promised Jasper that I would honor his terms of the new treaty: zero contact between our sides. I knew that insisting to stay friends with Jacob would only cause more fighting. Forcing natural enemies together defied the laws of supernatural physics.

I wanted vampires. I turned my back on werewolves. Plainly and simply, that was just what needed to be done. There was no room for emotional complications to keep causing trouble. Jasper was whom I needed in my life. Jacob would have to deal with that.

Silas tilted his head so he was staring up at Jasper. "Take me to the park!"

Jasper fixed Silas with a rather stern look and invited, "Try that again, young man?"

Silas pouted, amending his demand. "Daddy, can we _please_ go to the park before dinner?"

Before Jasper had a chance to do anything, Alice pranced into the room. She folded herself onto Edward's lap and announced, "We'll take him later. Charlie can come, too."

The plan is engaged. Oh, yes, some plotting had gone on these past few days.

I was a young woman in love. Jasper was a very, very attractive man. I had been having quite the irritating tingles for him lately. Alice knew, of course, and had made it her mission to help me get him alone and… lusty.

"Yay!" Silas cheered, practically beaming. It was not raining too terribly outside today. As long as he wore a spring jacket, he would not get sick.

"Jasper." Edward suddenly broke in, swinging phase two into motion. "You should wash your car today. The amount of mud on that poor thing has got to be some sort of crime."

All eyes glanced at Edward. He shrugged, returning his attention to the book he was trying to read over Alice.

I nudged Jasper's arm. "Silas could help you. You two can bond."

Silas perked, glancing at Alice inconspicuously. She smiled at him. It went unnoticed by Jasper, who was now looking at his car critically through the window.

Silas, his auntie's little helper, tugged on Jasper's shirt collar. He announced, "We can get it done before it gets too dark and make it all shiny!"

Jasper laughed a little bit. "All right, lets go find some soap we can use."

He set Silas on his feet and went into the kitchen. Silas glanced hopefully at Alice. She smiled, giving him an enthusiastic smile and a thumb up. We were using my son for my personal needs, and I was okay with that. Horrible, I know, but why deny the truth?

Besides, everyone was going to win. Silas would be at the park in no more than ten minutes, and then I would have Jasper alone.

Silas leaned against me as we waited. "I had a dream last night, mama."

"Did you?" I asked conversationally. "What about?"

He smiled brightly at me. "I had a dream about Uncle Edward and Seth! They were living together with Alice in Jake's basement, and Seth had Edward's super puppies!"

"Super puppies?" I asked, blinking in confusion. What the hell was that?

He nodded. "Yeah! It's their furry little love child. There was a whole litter of them, though."

Edward looked disgusted, and horrified.

I shook my head and asked, hoping the answer was no, "Silas, do you know what a love child _is_?"

"Yes!" He cheered. "Alice told me what it meant yesterday! She said they're born when two people that love one another, but aren't married, sleep together and make a baby."

Both Edward and myself glared at Alice. Her eyes widened innocently and she leaned forward, holding her arms out to Silas. He ran over to her, and she smiled. "Hey, buddy, how about we go see if daddy needs help?"

She picked him up and danced out of the room. I shouted after her, "We're going to talk about this later, Alice!" Was she absolutely insane? Why would my five year old possibly need to know that sort of information? He should be under the impression that babies come from a stork, and only to people who are happily married.

Edward smiled gently at me. "It's not her fault, Bella. She doesn't understand much about the theories of children."

"Yeah, I know." I sighed lightly.

I got up from the couch and went into the kitchen. Jasper was supporting Silas on his shoulders. Silas was happily clutching the bucket of soapy water, which was balanced on Jasper's head.

Alice wandered out of the room to find dad for the park. The master plan did not involve washing a car in the rain. What was the point in that?

No, phase three of the master plan was all up to Silas. I had offered him a trade. Dad would take him to the park with Alice and Edward as long as he spilled water on top of Jasper.

As soon as we were outside it was safe to slosh water all over the place. Silas grinned and turned the heavy bucket to the best of his ability. As Alice had foreseen, 85% of it missed the car and spilt over Jasper's shoulders, soaking heavily through his shirt. Minimal amounts splashed Silas's legs.

Silas giggled and dropped the bucket. "Oops. Sorry, daddy. It was too heavy."

Jasper plucked Silas off of him and held him outstretched. I smiled and took him, setting him on his feet and silently nudging him towards Edward. He snickered and darted across the yard, sneaking off to the cruiser.

Jasper looked quite confused and he muttered, "I swear that boy has A.D.D."

I took Jasper's hand and pointed out needlessly, "You're all wet."

"I'm quite aware, thanks." He laughed.

I smiled and led him into the house. I was sure my heart rate had sped up considerably, knowing where I wanted this to head. My cheeks flushed as I tugged him into the house and closed the door.

"I'm dripping all over carpet, Bella." He commented.

I laughed and gently pushed him against the wall. I pressed myself against him and reached up on my toes so that I could kiss him. His arms wrapped around my back. I squirmed a little bit as the cold liquid soaked off of his sleeves and through my shirt. Didn't I ever mention that I hated being wet?

My distain must have sparked off of me, because he instantly let go, and he gave me a tiny push away from him to spare me the discomfort. I felt my stomach knot with excitement and apprehension as I closed the distance he had put between us.

I slid my hands under his shirt, my fingers admiring his soft, cold body; and I whispered huskily, "Why don't we just take this off and solve that problem?"

I felt the desire inside of me skyrocket violently when Jasper obediently pulled off his shirt and dropped it carelessly onto the floor. I'd never get tired of seeing him half naked. Today, for a while now, I wanted more than that. I shamelessly admitted to myself that I _wanted_ Jasper so badly...

The powerful waves of my lust, mixing with some of his own I'd hope, affected him fast. His eyes were the darkest shade of gold I'd ever seen them before, and my knee brushing against his pants had alerted me to the fact that he was quite aroused.

"Bella," he whispered in a throaty tone that made me swoon where I stood. "Are you trying to seduce me?"

I was too swept up in the heat of the moment to pretend to be coy. He'd see right through me, anyway. I honestly and brazenly answered, "Most definitely."

I was unable to read his expression, but his eyes said more than his face ever could have. They were smoldering with such a fire you'd think he was trying to burn right through me. His thumb brushed my neck, making me shiver.

"You could die." He whispered after a while. I heard both terror and despair tingeing his serious tone. He was worried about this.

I didn't worry. Not even slightly. Even if I had not, despite my supreme embarrassment, asked Alice to check ahead and see if I would be endangered; I trusted that Jasper would never let me get hurt. He had asked for my faith twice now since we'd been together. This was the ultimate test, wasn't it?

"Don't be afraid, Jasper." I reassured him in a soft voice. I felt myself bubbling with love and trust as I confidently declared, "You won't hurt me. I know you won't."

He hesitated for a long second, just looking hopelessly into my eyes. I don't know what it is he may have seen there, but after a second his body relaxed and all the anxiety drained away from his face.

He took my hand in his, his grip incredibly gentle, and decided, "Let's go upstairs."

* * *


	24. First Step of Forever

_**Notice:** Due to the content of this chapter, the rating of the fic has been bumped up to M. You've all been warned. I tried to keep it less-than-graphic for the younger readers who probably shouldn't be reading it at all._

_This chapter is dedicated to my dad, for listening to __far too many hours of plotting for Indigo Skies then he would have liked._

* * *

It didn't take that long for us to get to my bedroom. I kicked my shoes off while Jasper dried his torso. I didn't want soapy water on my blanket.

I squeaked in surprise when Jasper grabbed me from behind, then started giggling. He carried me across the room, setting my knees on the foot of the bed. He kissed the top of my jaw and then started sucking on my ear while he began to undo my _convenient_ button-up shirt.

He slipped my shirt off, and my bra followed it soon after. Naturally, I felt a little embarrassed knowing my body was now exposed- even if it was to Jasper. A flush of warmth replaced the awkwardness I felt, and I relaxed.

Jasper's hands gently ran down my body, resting on my hips. He mumbled admiringly, "You're so soft, Bella."

"And you're really cold." I said a little impatiently. "Don't point out the obvious. Hurry up."

My body was heating up like it never had before. Such a powerful, distracting inferno of lust had ignited within the pit of my stomach. If he didn't do _something_ soon to relieve that pressure I might just explode.

His deep, rich laugh filled the room and he twirled me so that I was sitting in the center of the bed, facing him. He climbed over me, his intense eyes lingering just a few short inches from mine as his strong hands helped me wiggle out of my remaining articles of clothing. His own clothing joined it a moment later.

I found myself taking several shameless moments to admire his body, despite the fierce blush on my cheeks. His eyes raked me over a couple of times. He sighed, whispering in awe, "You're beautiful, Bella."

I willed my galloping heart to calm down as I demanded nervously, "Come on. Before I change my mind." We were both aware of the deep parts of me that were panicking right now. This was just wrong in many ways. We were not married. I wasn't even nineteen yet. He would have to be exceedingly careful not to _kill_ me, let alone hurt me.

I still wanted this to happen, though. I wanted him to know how much I loved him and trusted him. So much that I was more than willing to share my body with him.

He set his palms flat on either side of my hips and quietly informed me, "This is going to hurt. Get ready."

I braced myself for the pain and he pressed his lips against mine, planting a dozen little butterfly kisses before I felt my body's natural barrier tear.

Something that was half a shriek, half a squeal slipped through my throat and muffled against Jasper's waiting lips. I whimpered a little bit at the first few seconds of throbbing burn. Jasper cheated and eased my pain for me. It wasn't too long before I had managed to relax myself again.

Jasper sat up and gently pushed my knees back so that my legs were bent. His eyes were wary and he asked one final time, "Are you sure that you are ready? You _really_ want this?"

I nodded and his tip brushed my entrance. I forced myself to keep breathing as he slowly slipped himself in, letting me get used to the feeling of being filled with him.

After my body was stretched and the too-tight feeling started to get comfortable I urged, "Okay, you can go on now."

He started to pump in and out of me, and at first I didn't like it. But then the friction between us began to build, and Jasper started to go a tiny bit harder. My body began to heat up.

I curled my legs around his waist, encouraging his forcefulness, and my fingers tangled in his hair. I pulled his face down to mine and eagerly began to kiss him, wanting to contribute something to this experience.

He started sucking and nibbling on my neck. That, combined with his gentle-yet-forceful thrusts, was becoming too much of a sensation for my body to deal with at the same time. I couldn't form a coherent thought except for his name, which I began to mutter breathlessly.

An extra-deep push hit a bundle of nerves inside of me that made me gasp. I felt my body start to float happily and the singularly best feeling I have ever felt in my entire life ravaged through me.

When I had come down from my peak he was lying beside me, holding me in a very intimate way. One of his legs was in between mine, his stomach was brushing mine, and his arm was wrapped around my back. He had his lips against my chest, kissing it gently.

We didn't need words to let one another know how much love was radiating in between us right now.

I pressed my nose against his forehead, feeling my eyes drift closed as his mouth and tongue slowly started massaging my neck. Little flares of warning began to set off in my head. He was getting just a little _too_ happy with my jugular vein.

A long buried memory, one that had been my most painful; one my mind shied away from the fastest, suddenly surged forward with quite the vigor.

"_Bella, before we left for Jacksonville, you promised me you would love me forever."_

"_Yeah, I did, because I will."_

"_Bella... _You_ don't have a forever, did you consider that?"_

_Silence._

"_Yeah, I didn't think so. I wanted to ask you something."_

_"__Anything."_

_"I wanted to know if you'd thought about... becoming a vampire, sometime. Then you could really join the family, and we could have forever together."_

Together forever. My Jasper and me. The core of my existence. The blood that ran through my veins. The very air that I breathed.

Together forever with the man that was my everything.

Suddenly, I didn't seem so frightened with that idea. In fact I had probably never felt happier with something than I did at that moment. The moment that I realized I _would_ have a forever with Jasper, and that it was going to start right now.

"Bite me." I whispered intensely, reassuringly running my fingers through his hair. I didn't give him the chance to protest. I demanded, "Do it, Jasper. I want you to turn me."

I felt a wave of shock radiate off of him. He set his forehead on my neck and his body stiffened. He sounded miserable when he spoke. "I _can't_, Bella."

I sat up, looking down at him with wide and adoring eyes. I honestly and truly adored this man. I loved him more than the world, more than my own life. He had no choice but to live forever. He had suffered a long time being lonely until we found one another. He told me he wanted me to be his for the rest of eternity.

I wanted that too. I would happily give him that. I promised, "You _can_, Jasper. I know you can! You've let go before. You're stronger now than you were then."

Jasper sat up, too. He looked conflicted, which meant I was convincing him. It meant he wasn't going to say no again, because he was considering the fact that I might be right. He wanted this just as much as I did. We _both_ wanted it this time. What could he possibly object to?

"Alice isn't here to save you again." He reminded me seriously. "You can't change your mind. I'd never have the strength to suck the venom out. You have to want this. If I bite you, that's it Bella. Everything changes."

He tore his eyes away from the bed and looked directly at me. "You'll have to leave Silas with Charlie for a few years. You could never have a child of your own. Accidents will happen; you're going to kill people. Some part of you is _never_ going to stop wanting to kill people."

I had been given a long time to consider all of this before. I knew it was going to break my heart to leave Silas behind, but it was safest that way. Being bluntly honest, it was best for him to get _all_ vampires away from him- that included Jasper, Alice, and Edward. If I could be used as an excuse for my baby to have a shot at a normal human childhood then I would gladly become a scapegoat.

I never wanted kids. Silas was enough for me, and always would be. That problem was solved.

The whole blood-diet was my biggest problem. There were nights that I would stay up late thinking. I tried to come to terms with the idea of… becoming a killer. I had tried to ease my fears, reminding myself that there were humans all over the world killing other humans for _no_ reason. Vampires needed to do it to survive. I had tried to tell myself I could be like Carlisle and Rosalie; I would never bite a human because I would fight the urge.

But I was not stupid. I knew that the possibility would be there. I knew how difficult it had been for Emmett, and even gentle Esme, to resist the temptation of blood. I knew how much suffering Carlisle had gone through to avoid it.

I knew what becoming a monster had done to Jasper.

What alternative did I have, though? Was it a physical possibility for me to let Jasper leave me? If I chose to remain human, some day he would _have_ to go his own way. We could not keep hurting each other in this relationship. Jacob would absorb me again. My heart would die. I would never, _ever_ be able to live a complete and actual life if Jasper was not a part of it.

I was in too deep. There was no other way. Yes, I would probably kill a few humans. No, I would never be okay with that. But Jasper knew better than anyone else how to help me through the guilt and self-hate that would accompany an accident. He would be there for me every step of the way. I just knew he would be.

"I want this." I decided finally, firmly. There was no other option. I was ready for the pain this time. I was ready for the horrors that being a vampire would bring to my life. I was ready to have my happily ever after with my knight in shining armor.

All he had to do was come and whisk me away. It really was that easy.

Jasper got up from the bed, slipping back into his clothes. He handed me a durable pair of jeans and a thick sweatshirt. His eyes were troubled as he watched me stiffly get dressed.

"We're going to the mountains." He informed me, pulling the window open. He gestured for me to put my shoes on as he explained why. "It takes three days. The screaming will frighten your neighbors. Charlie will panic, but this is the best way."

This was his area of expertise. I trusted his logic wholly. Tying my shoes on I crossed the room and let him take me in his arms. It was not long before we had reached a cold little cave in the heart of the Olympic Mountains.

It was not long after then that Jasper pressed his lips against my collarbone, and the fire began to burn me alive.

* * *

The first thing I did as a vampire was hunt. The second thing I did was sit with Jasper on the edge of a clear mountain stream. I was staring down into the water, grimacing a little bit.

Jasper, sounding tense, anxious, and nervous at the same time, asked me quietly, "What do you think of the new you, Bella?"

I was shocked. I didn't know if it was possible to look so beautiful! I didn't have Rosalie's stunning looks. I didn't have Alice's exotic attractiveness, not Esme's elegant ravish. I didn't need any of _that_, though. In my own way, I was dazzling. I liked it, not feeling plain.

I would eventually get used to the sparkling. My eyes, though, were unsettling me. I confessed to Jasper, "I don't like them so red. It's just… ghastly."

A serene smile spread across Jasper's face, and he gently clasped my hand in his own. His eyes stared intensely and unblinkingly into mine for a long, long while and we remained silent. I didn't mind. All we had now was time.

"I used to hate the color red." He decided to share his thoughts with me after some time. "Blood is red, and there were days even as a human in the war that I was simply soaked in it. Maria's eyes were red, so dark with greed and superiority that I started to feel uneasy around it."

His smile vanished, and his face contorted into a bitter scowl. He leaned over the stream, gently touching his own cheek.

His whisper was quiet, but my extra-sensitive newborn ears heard him easily. "It's still impossible for me to look at myself and not see those terrible red flames glaring back at me. The always thirsty, always hateful, fiery eyes of a demon. A monster that had to see the blood of his countless victims staring back at him every single time a reflective surface was near."

I squeezed his hand reassuringly. After a while he shook his head a little, allowing the contempt to drain away from his face. He released a small, peaceful sigh before looking at me again.

"I see you with those eyes, Bella; those breath taking rubies; and I know that it is not the color I hate." He whispered quietly, intensely. "If your eyes are red, then I will _always_ love red eyes. More than brown, and if you choose, more than golden. I'll make red my favorite color."

"I love you, Jasper." I informed him.

"I love you _more_." He countered, smiling at me.

I chuckled and moved closer to him, leaning into his warm arms as they wrapped around me. Warm. Jasper was _warm._ It was shocking and wonderful at the same time.

"How much do you love me?" I asked jokingly, peeking up at him playfully.

He asked, "How much do you want me to love you, Bella?"

"More than the world!" I declared, only half joking. Of course some deep part of me _did_ want him to love me like that. Wanted him to put me above everything else like I did him.

A soft, adoring smile spread across his face. His hand gently traced the scar on my collarbone and he promised, "Bella, you _are_ my world. You are my everything. I love you more than I ever thought I was able to love a creature. Far, far more than anyone else in the world ever could."

We just held each other, smiling and sitting contentedly in one another's arms. I heard a faint frequency emit from his pocket, and he clicked his cell phone open just as it vibrated. He had a text message from someone. With an irritated growl he snapped it closed and shoved the phone away.

"Who was that?" I asked curiously.

"Edward." He answered tensely. "He said Charlie has search parties out looking for you all over. Even in Seattle. Your mutt is on the war path. Edward said he set up a meeting, midnight tonight in the clearing just outside of La Push. You _need_ to end this relationship, Bella, tonight."

He was right. Jacob couldn't be a friend with me now. Not now that I was what I was. We just had to go our separate ways- once and for all. I glanced at the sky. It was twilight.

"We might as well go meet up with Alice and Edward now." I sighed lightly. I don't know what it was, but something was giving me a bad feeling. Jake would not take this well. I just knew it.

But that was just a storm I'd have to deal with. Werewolves and vampires simply could not coexist peacefully. That was all there was to it.

* * *

_Today I recommend the one-shot _High School Reunions _written by_ shaelove_._ _It's an all-human Rosalie/Mike, written for the Team Mike movement. Mike/Rosalie people! (I'll read it soon, Shae!)_

* * *


	25. Primal Instincts

_

* * *

This chapter is dedicated to Oracle Vas. She knows why._

_**Note:**__ There is one more chapter after this._

* * *

**Jacob's POV**

* * *

Something bad happened to Bella.

I was not sure how I knew or when it was but I had not ever felt more confident about something in my life. If she liked it or not, I _was_ physically connected to her, and some sensor in my brain was now blaring on high alert. Something was telling me that she had been hurting just a few hours ago.

When Charlie called me and told me she was missing three days ago I could swear I felt myself die a little bit on the inside. If anything bad had happened to her...

_Jacob_, Embry came to stand beside me, his golden-brown eyes full of caution and sympathy. _You should try to calm down. I'm sure that she's fine._

I didn't believe that even a little. She was missing. She was last seen with him. _He_ was missing, too. The leech had kidnapped her. She would have never just left Silas behind!

_She didn't leave, though_. Seth pointed out cheerfully. _What's-his-face said we'd see her today. That means she was coming back from wherever the entire time._

_Come back as _what_ is what I'd like to know._ Quil thought disdainfully.

I whirled around and snarled at him, feeling the fur on my neck stand up. What was he implying? That Bella would just abandon everything important in her life, after working so hard to finally get what she really wanted, and let some bloodsucking murderer take away her humanity?

Quil lowered his ears and mildly pointed out, _She doesn't have to want to give it. Think realistically, Jake. The guy's friends practically broke me in half. If he wanted to just bite her, how could she stop him?_

Several emotions rocketed through me because of this statement.

Terror gripped at my heart like an icy pair of eagle talons. The fear was instantly replaced by repulsion at the idea of Bella being manhandled by that _monster_, and then loathing because I had done nothing to protect her. The loathing was washed away by aggression. Had Quil, a low ranking and non-imprinted member of the pack, just dared to assume that I wasn't good enough to keep my Bella safe from a vampire?

Natural protectiveness over the very idea of my imprintee started to poke angrily at the hostile parts of my brain. I was unable to stop myself from springing at Quil, closing the distance between us at a swift pace as an unhappy snarl bubbled out of my throat. Embry and Seth instinctively flinched away from their pack brother and out of my target zone.

Before I leapt on Quil, a streak of gray blurred herself into the scene and defiantly planted herself directly in front of Quil. Eyes blazing and tail raised high Leah snarled, _Jacob, leave him alone!_

I skidded to a halt inches in front of her and bared my teeth. _Leah, I don't want to hurt you. Get out of the way!_

I _did_ want to hurt Quil. At the current moment in time, having been away from Bella for so long and living strictly in my werewolf body for almost four days, I was thriving off animalistic instincts right now.

Despite the thick weight to my words, Leah did not move. She didn't have to move. Once she imprinted on me she gained a powerful authority within the pack. By imprinting on me, the alpha male, she became the alpha female. Not my mate- I had a mate- but the next closest thing. Everyone but me had to listen to her. And on the other hand, only an absolute decree from me could force her to obey. We tested it for fun a month ago and found out that semi-suggestion orders are ineffective.

I growled at Leah. She growled right back. I was not in the mood to put up with her stubbornness over Quil, so I just snorted angrily and turned the other direction, stalking to nowhere in particular. Embry followed closely behind as always.

We didn't get far before a harsh, eye-watering burn assaulted our noses. Paul growled nervously and reported, _I think I see them coming, Jacob._

Paul was about a quarter of a mile ahead of us. He was our look out. We didn't want to be taken off guard by the vampires if they chose to attack us.

_How many?_ Embry asked, glancing over his shoulder to silently summon the other three pack members over here.

I looked through Paul's eyes as he peered through the dense forest area he was standing in. He shook his head, starting to get frustrated. _I can't see them!_

_That's okay, Paul._ Leah's gentle and reassuring voice joined the conversation. She came to stand beside me and she ordered, _Come back to the pack where it's safe._

Paul immediately turned around and bolted through the forest. It took him just a half of a minute to cover the distance between us, and he steadily loped into the clearing we were gathered in. He walked between Embry and myself to go sit with Seth and Quil in the back. Embry fell beside them a moment later.

Excitement started to lace through my body as the blurred streaks came into sight. I was going to see her again! I had stayed away for so long, and it _hurt_ me to stop myself from crossing the border and running to her house. It was so physically painful to know that I was willingly staying away from Bella because someone else had told me to.

I had to protect my brothers, though. It was my obligation to keep them safe. I couldn't let _him_ kill Paul. I was especially happy with that decision after he imprinted on my sister Rachel three weeks ago. Rachel never truly got over our mother's death. Paul could help her through that, just like I had helped Bella get over _him_ when she asked me to.

The moving figures stopped. My heart skipped a beat in anticipation as I tried to find her. The two males were there. The short one with black hair was there. Bella was…

_Shock_.

My muscles constricted. My heart skipped a beat. My head felt like a wrecking ball had just knocked it right off my body, I became so dizzy and confused.

Bella. My dear, sweet Bella. She was… she was… What _was_ she?!

Skin paler and smoother than the most sun-bleached of stones. Every single muscle on her body more defined and pronounced. Eyes both darker and lighter than rubies at the same time. Eyes the hideous, grotesque shade of _blood_. What did they do to her?

The pack had fallen silent listening to my mental freak out. They didn't have the first clue what to say or do to me to calm me down. They could only do one thing- chant the answer to my semi-rhetorical question.

_Vampire._

_Vampire._

_They made her a vampire._

They turned her into a monster. A human-killer. A blood sucking, life leeching, soul-less beast. Bella, _my_ Bella, was gone.

She was **dead**.

This revelation, this time stopping and life shattering knowledge, made something happen inside of me. The same time that I felt my heart breaking, my soul flared to life. A violent and wild part of me that I had never known existed was born.

Aggression started to course thickly in my veins, as hot and heavy as lead. I felt the core of my bones rattling with the force of the snarl that ripped it's way from my chest. They killed her. _They killed her_!

"Jake?" Bella asked tentatively. I felt disgust and horror knot my stomach. Her voice! She didn't even have her own voice anymore!

No, now it was sing song-y and lyrical. It was both higher in pitch and softer in tone. It was the voice of a succubus- one no human male would ever resist. It had changed so that this new Bella, this living _corpse_, would always be able to draw its prey closer. Like a black widow spinning a web of deceit and death around a fly.

Which one was it? I began to pace from side to size in irritation, never letting my eyes leave the line of murderers. Who was the one that took her away from me? Was it the one that started the fight with Paul? The other female? The big one that has stolen her away from me that night in the forest?

_We can kill them all, Jacob._ Paul suggested darkly, sounding like one of those eerie assassins from a video game. _All four of them, they broke the treaty._

_No!_ I protested instantly, my eyes unwilling snapping onto Bella. _She is not one of them. She is one of us. We can' hurt her._

_Jacob, she abandoned us._ Leah disagreed quietly, not daring to meet my eyes. She knew better than any of the others how emotionally attached I was to Bella, because she had been dragged into our crazy little triangle. She didn't want to see my heart breaking in my eyes. I didn't even need her to think that to know it. I just knew it. Leah continued, _She _is_ one of them. Look at her- she's not human anymore_.

_She's dangerous._ Embry added reluctantly, his sharp eyes critically looking over this new version of Bella. Bella 2.0.

_They all are_. Seth and Quil thought at the same time. Quil added, _They deserve to die. They took Bella away from you._

I could see that in Quil's subconscious he was trying to rile me up by saying that. He wanted me to be hostile. He wanted me to _want_ to fight and destroy. The others realized it and they started to help.

_You'll never see a blush on that creature's cheeks._ Embry pointed out. He knew that I had always loved Bella's blush.

_Look at her eyes, Jake._ Seth demanded. _Are those Bella's pretty brown eyes?_

_Isabella Swan is gone forever. This creature is not the girl you love._ Leah whispered. I felt myself naturally caving to my alpha females opinion. She was my equal. In her own way, she was better than I was. I was the force of the pack, but she was the intelligence.

And she was right. I had thought it myself. Bella was dead. My mate, my imprintee, my first and truest love… was a vampire.

Every single fiber of every single muscle, the intricate little webs that created my nerves, was starting to throb with fierce hostility. It hurt, but the pain was so good. My instincts, the nature of the dominant animal I was born to be, were demanding my attention.

Fight. I had to fight.

_That_ was the barest and most primal of all instincts. It was not the decisions to stay and fight or turn and run when in a dangerous situation. The physical demand that I slaughter the creature that destroyed the better half of my very soul was the _only_ instinct that I knew right now.

The very proteins of my DNA were growling. Somebody else was going to die today. Bella would not have to make her journey to the afterlife alone. The one that gave her the fresh scar on her collarbone was going to escort her, or _I_ would.

But which one of them did it?

The smaller male leaned in close to _him_, whispering something to him that even our enhanced ears could not catch from this distance. Both females glanced at them in horror. I ignored them, and tried only to control the furious trembling that rage was sending down my spine.

My suddenly confrontational mindset, to the vast and powerful degree it happened to be at, affected the pack harshly. Quil and Leah started to growl threateningly as they eyed the vampires. Seth and Paul inched closer to the small coven, soon trapping them inside of a triangle our positions created. My brothers, my sister, were ready and willing to back me up.

I must have hesitated for too long, because Leah began to organize for me. She shifted her weight on her front paws, getting herself ready to pounce. _Paul, you're closest to their leader- the mind reader. Stay on him and let Embry help you take him out._

I felt the shift in Paul and Embry's focus as they reacted to their alphas command. They both locked their eyes onto the bronze haired one, ready for the order of attack. Leah continued, _The new Bella is radiating strength. Quil, you help Seth get rid of her. Look after my brother._

Quil shadowed around my shoulder and made his way over to Seth, ignoring the warning snarl that _he_ gave them for getting so close to Bella.

_I'm the fastest._ Leah reminded us. _I'll go after their fastest, the little one. Jacob, you're our best fighter. You saw how easily that male killed Jared, and what he did to Paul. We need you to go after him. Can you do it alone?_

I had been so intent on malicious acts against the vampire coven as a whole that I had totally forgotten about the blonde male's fighting skills. If he killed me, he would make sure the rest of them died. He would help his own family get rid of us all.

My eyes locked onto 2.0. The scar on her collarbone… it was identical to the one on her neck. A perfect match. A copy. _A repeat._

Jasper. The one who bit her, the one who ripped her soul right out of her body and took her humanity away, was Jasper.

I took a few steps forward, and every other member of the pack tightened their bodies in anticipation of the oncoming war. Edward, that was his name. Edward whispered something into Jasper's ear frantically. Jasper snarled at him, and Edward took a cautious step closer to the little black haired one.

I jerked my head higher and my tail curled around my haunches as a flash of dominance streaked through me. He heart was crying bitter tears of loss. I felt like an empty shell knowing that my object of imprint was dead. As I allowed another snarl, a sinister challenge, to tear from my throat I felt that emptiness fill me. I felt my entire body swell with one emotion.

Hate. I hated this vampire. I hated what he was, and what he did. He should not exist. If he had not existed, Bella would be alive. We would be happy together right now.

_Jasper!_ I mentally howled, the force of my thoughts so powerful the mind reader was forced to echo them a-loud. _You killed her, Jasper. You murdered my Bella, and you will pay for that crime tonight._

2.0 took a step forward, her mouth open and her eyes shining with terror. Jasper grabbed her and pushed her into the other two. He gazed deeply into her eyes, kissing her then whispering something.

A moment later he turned back to me and asked harshly, almost threateningly, "What sort of an alpha are you, Black? Will you be hiding behind these other mutts? Or will you step forward and fight me like a real man would?"

Offended for me, little Seth demanded, _And how does a _real_ man fight?_

The message was relayed. Jasper didn't take his fearsome black eyes off of my gaze when he, too, stalked forward. He coiled into attack position and answered coldly, "Just us. No matter what happens, it will remain just us, and we fight to the death."

_No!_ every single member of the pack protested angrily.

I started getting confused by their frantic and worried thoughts. I tried to struggle through the cloud of fear that five other people had fogged around me. I wanted it this way. It was best this way. He was her soul mate. I was her true love. Only one of us would be able to survive.

_Yes,_ I snarled suddenly. The weight of my voice seemed to blister the air, making everyone else flinch. They didn't get it. "No" was not a possibility for me. My paws were already violently twitching forward, begging me to lunge. My mind was running a thousand different attack possibilities through my head. Yes, I would fight, but they would not. _Everyone__ stand down. This is my fight only, not yours._

Embry and Quil whimpered. My best friends since we were toddlers. My beta and my trusted brother, Embry tried to reason with me, _Think about Billy! And what about your mother? If she had known, would she have wanted it to end like this?_

_Rachel and Rebecca?_ Paul added accusingly.

_Be quiet_. I snapped, and the muzzles of everyone drooped slightly. I shook my head; this is how it had to be. _I said stand down. Leah, if I die, you will not fight. You will take the pack home. You will keep everyone safe, including yourself. _All_ of you stay away from this coven._

Leah whined, a high pitched and distressed noise. This, however, was what I had meant earlier. It was the finalist and strictest of orders. Not even she could deny the commands echoing through our mental field. The bodies of my pack mates relaxed, and Leah whimpered, _I will protect us, Jacob, but try not to die._

I didn't have any intention of dying, but I still had to make sure things were in order if I happened to fall to the vampires hands.

My distraction had not gone unnoticed by the war machine. He blitzed forward so fast I very, very narrowly managed to get out of the way. I felt his cold fingers brush the ends of my shoulder fur. Him actually being in contact with me made my mind flare with hostility. I snapped my jaws closed around his hand before he could escape me and tried to break it right off.

A snarl of his own was emitted. Rather than jerk his hand away, he wrapped his free arm around my neck. A second later his impossibly sharp teeth tore my tough flesh so perfectly it was as if he had struck me with a blade.

My body stiffened and I winced. The horrible venom pulsed into my body for the first time ever. Imagine getting your tetanus shot for a moment. You know how they have to go kind of slow, so you can feel the liquid as it is pushed deeper and deeper into your body tissue? It was like that, just ten times_ more_ liquid, and burning like a hot coal against bare skin.

Still holding onto his wrist, I dropped to my side and did a barrel role, effectively crushing him into the ground and tearing his hand off in one fast motion. He hissed in shock and stumbled to his feet, backing away a little bit. I spat the body part out and lurched forward.

To my surprise, but not total shock, he sprang to meet the attack rather than try to avoid it. We collided mid-air, and my superior body weight sent him tumbling backwards. His back cracked the ground as we slammed into the ground.

I yelped in shock when I felt a second squirt of venom entering my blood stream. He had known we would land this way. He wanted me to be above him, because it gave him easier access to my neck, which his jaws were now deeply clamped into. I felt his hand starting to collapse my windpipe with the force of his grip.

My survival instinct kicked in just then. I shoved my massive paw against his throat and literally ripped his mouth off of me. A piece of my flesh was torn off along with it, but I ignored the lance of pain that jolted my throat. The throat that was about to my crushed. I panicked and did the only thing I knew to do- remove the weapon from his arsenal.

The tip of my long muzzle was able to grip his elbow. I broke my teeth through his skin and violently jerked my head to the side. His flesh whined like splintering steel as I popped his arm right out of the shoulder joint. The fingers that were ripped into my throat instantly relaxed after they were detached from the body. I quickly backed away from the vampire, throwing the limb as far away from us as I possibly could.

Two shots of his venom were starting to drag me down. I could feel my muscles slowly tightening and my head began to feel heavy. I had to shake cloudiness out of my vision to stay focused. The rest of the pack members' desperately wanted to join the fight. I could literally feel their bodies protesting the edict that was forcing them to remain where they stood. I would feel their need to fight it and help their alpha.

Just knowing that they would be here for me if I had allowed it seemed to lend me strength. When the one-armed, no-hand creature attacked again I was ready for him. He dove right into me and _did_ snap at my front leg. However, he didn't get the chance to apply that third, lethal bite. I reared back out of his attack zone and clamped my jaw around his calf.

An image of horror flashed through Paul's mind. A memory he had shared with Jared and Sam that none of the rest of us had seen before. Jared was holding onto the vampire's leg the same way I was, and the lightening-quick fighter had snapped at Jared before he even saw the movement.

Jared's scar. This was the same situation in which Jared had earned his scar.

_Fuck!_

Too late to let go and retreat the exact same thing happened. My vision registered the white blur as Jasper twirled around. I did not repeat my lost brother's mistake and let go. I knew I was going to die either way now. I wanted to at least cause Jasper a world of pain before that happened. The very same moment that his teeth connected with my muzzle, I bit down on his leg with all the force my powerful jaws could muster.

To my supreme surprise, my enemy let go of me first. Yes, his venom was injected, but it didn't quite feel like as much as the first two bites had been.

I heard his entire leg simply shatter with the pressure of my attack, and his scream bounced off the mountains and thrummed dramatically in my ears. Glass-like pieces of the harder-than-diamond substance clattered at my feet and the helpless vampire hastily backed away from me.

I couldn't help but slump onto my stomach as my knees gave out under me. Iron was again filling my veins, but this time it was not aggression causing the heaviness to weight me down. The venom was spreading through my system, paralyzing me. It was becoming difficult to breath and blink at the same time, forget stand up and dispatch the leech once and for all.

My ears were buzzing. My sight was foggy. My body felt like it was cemented to the ground.

Jasper rolled onto his remaining knee, his hands clenched tightly and his knuckled propped onto the ground. Even kneeling, he had a superior position to mine- higher ground. His shadow fell over me and a deep, menacing snarl rattled out of him.

I failed her. I was going to die. Bella's spirit was probably watching me right now and sighing in disappointment. I was weak. I wasn't good enough. This beast, this horrible monster, was going to get away with murdering her and nobody would ever make him pay for that unforgivable crime.

It was over for me.

_He_ bared his teeth and rocked his weight onto his remaining leg. He was going to use all his power to push forward on it and pin me so he could deliver the fourth and final bite. I didn't need to be him to know that was his plan. It was what any logical fighter would do. It was what was easiest.

At that exact same instant; the fraction of a second where I had no more will to fight and no possible escape; that something which had never before happened, happened.

The bonds tying Leah's paws where she stood snapped. Edict or no edict, Leah had instincts of her own. Just like my very being was forcing me to fight for my lost love, the deepest and strongest parts of Leah's heart were forcing her to react in my time of greatest need.

She, too, was an alpha. She was born to fight and protect every member of the pack, including me. I was her imprintee. She was not physically capable of standing by and doing nothing while I was in danger.

I had suddenly been bounced to the other side of the spectrum, and it felt _weird_ to be the one in need for a change.

I saw the course of Jasper's action change. The weight that he had set for a straightforward catapult turned sharply and his fierce black eyes locked onto Leah. He had been hardwired since his new birth to take out the strongest before the weakest.

He was going to fight Leah. He would hurt her. He would kill her.

A reserve of back-up energy ripped out of my core, flooding my body like the warm rays of sunlight wash over the cold sand at the beach. Every grain of my body was lit aflame with new vigor. I had lost Jared to this man. I had lost Bella to this man. Perhaps I'd lose my own life, too. I absolutely refused to let him take out Leah.

Jasper sprang in her direction. I pushed myself onto my paws and launched off the ground, soaring through the air. My jaws gripped this vampire's throat for the second and last time as I bit down and severed the neck.

Leah skidded to a halt. Silence settled in all around us. Victory.

I felt glory, and strength, and superiority welling inside of my chest. My muzzle curled into a perfect circle as I tossed my head into the sky and released a powerful howl. You could not possibly understand how proud I felt when the rest of the pack joined in with the chorus. It radiated for so long I was positive all of La Push could hear us.

The rest of the pack was free now. The order had been an _if I died_ order. I was clearly alive. We needed to burn the pieced before the others could put him together again. The terms were death. He deserved to go up in smoke.

Embry perked as he listened to my thoughts. The beta organized for me as I sat down to recover some muscle movement.

Embry decided, _Seth, find some timber. Quil, collect the pieces. I think I see a flint over there._ The cords we used to tie our clothes to our ankles were made out of steel wire. We could strike the rock against that. It was a good idea.

2.0 had sunk to her knees on the ground. She was staring at the dismembered body in shock. Really, it looked like she had actually gone into shock. The little female was at her side hugging her, and Edward had his eyes cast down. They were smart enough to honor Jasper's dying agreement. They were not going to fight and risk another "life."

The pack clustered around me a short time later. Leah and Seth dropped dried leaves and sticks on top of the pile of the body. Leah then retreated, followed by Seth.

Embry unphased and set the steel cord over the pile. He set the rock on the top of the strip, ready to strike the flame. Paul was hulking behind him, glaring aggressively over his back like a bodyguard while Embry was in his human body.

My eyes met those terrible red ones for a brief instant. 2.0 looked… heart broken. Lost, and confused, and empty. She was empty. She had no soul to fill her anymore. She was nothing anymore.

I turned away and coldly ordered Embry, _Burn it._

As I began to retreat, I heard 2.0's agonized shriek shatter the silent air and echo through the canopy of the trees. It rang dramatically in my ears as memories flashed through my mind like lightning. I started to fall apart. My pieces started to hurtle down an endless hole, and I had nothing but air to stand upon.

Oh, God, Bella was in pain! I had caused that pain. I had knowingly hurt her, and-

_Jacob_. Leah's stern voice interrupted my guilt trip, and I looked up at her. She padded forward, tenderly nudging my muzzle with her own. _You avenged her. You did the right thing._

My heart beat violently against my rib cage as I peered deep into Leah's eyes. I whimpered, and she licked my cheek before pressing her shoulder against my own supportively.

She promised me solemnly, _I know how badly it hurts. I'm sorry._

Bella had become the glue holding me together. Being her everything was _my_ everything. It was all that I could have ever wanted to do, to make her happy. I had failed her. I had not protected her from him, from herself. I knew that, and it did hurt.

Only Bella could have been the stitches for me that would have clamped shut the bleeding gash on my heart, but I couldn't have stitches. Maybe, just _maybe_, a band-aid would be able to do the trick.

And as I jogged towards my home, my alpha female in perfect synchronization with me, I suddenly felt like the endless hole had a bottom that I crashed into. My broken pieces shattered, but that was okay. It was okay because I had someone who could fix me. I had someone who would put me back together again.

I had a ray of sun poking over the bleak, indigo horizon.

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	26. Epilogue

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_**A/N: **The page break changes POV's._

_This chapter is dedicated primarily to mombailey, because while the rest of you were apparently trying to make me temperamental, she was supporting my decisions made in the last chapter. I'll also say this Epilogue will be dedicated to _everyone_ that kept their faith in me, rather than try and bring me down because of Jasper's death. You guys have been following this story for a total of 61 chapters. Shame on _all_ of you who honestly thought that I didn't know what I was doing, or that I was just trying to irritate everyone._

_I don't want an AN at the bottom of the chapter. I'll say now that the third installment of the trilogy will be posted no earlier or later than August 1st. If you honestly need to know why the long wait, ask me in a review. ^_^  
_

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It had been seventeen long years since Jasper died. Since he was murdered.

You know, after seventeen years, I was starting to get tired of being so lost. Being so _empty_. For so, so long I had been living a half life. Living a life of loneliness- without my better half right beside me.

I thought I finally understood everything I had learned, so long ago, when I was still a human. When I was fresh in the field of love, and innocent. When Jasper told me that he was tired of waiting such a long time for the right person.

I had only waited seventeen years, but my wait was different. I was waiting for some other of my breed to take me out. I was waiting to see if Carlisle was right. If he was, then I would finally be with him again.

Jasper may have waited two hundred years for me, but he never knew me. He had only something to look forward to. I didn't. I had nothing, anymore. Not really.

I had Silas, but that wasn't enough.

Us vampires, we were like penguins. We will pick our mate, and then that is it. Never again will we have another one. I was the sad little penguin in the flock that had to watch my family members love one another, while I was by myself.

Silas even had Tanya. It really _was_ just me now that was totally and utterly alone.

Speaking of Silas, he was headed my direction. It hurt me to look at him. With his wavy blonde hair, his gentle golden eyes, and his tall and lean body. He was like the ghost of his great-something-uncle Jasper. Even though Carlisle changed him when he was eighteen and not twenty- I can't look at him without seeing the man I still loved.

Silas sat down beside me on the couch, wrapping his arm around me. He asked gently, "Bad day?"

I had two sorts of days. I had bad days, and I had non-miserable days. Today I was having a bad day. I had been trying to push him out of my mind, but it still was not working. I nodded slightly.

Silas glanced at Alice as she passed. In his attempt to comfort me, he started playing one of her memories for me.

_I felt myself inside of Alice's body. I felt smaller and lighter __than__ usual. Edward has his arm wrapped around my shoulders, and he looked bored as hell. I was seeing through Alice's eyes._

_She turned to Edward and whispered excitedly, "It's today."_

_Edward smiled at Alice, rubbing her shoulder gently. "I know it is, love. He's almost here. The door is about to open."_

_Alice's head snapped to the side, and it felt __like__ she wanted to jitter in her seat. The door to the diner swung open, and in stepped a man. His coat was drenched, and his blonde curls hung loosely in front of his dark burgundy eyes._

_Alice sprang off the chair, and we crossed the room at a swift pace. We looked at the new vampire and I felt my cheeks stretch as Alice smiled._

_My sister's bell-like voice announced, "You've kept me waiting."_

_Edward was right behind Alice. The leonine figure fumbled his thumbs as his head bowed in shame. His thickly accented voice apologized, "I'm sorry, ma'am."_

_A small hand was extended. The new guy looked shocked. He glanced up warily. Edward just smiled. Tentatively, his hand clasped Alice's. The trio headed back into the rain…_

Silas allowed Alice's memory to fade. My hand tingled from where Jasper had 'touched' it. My son whispered sadly, "It's the best I can do."

I leaned over and pecked his cheek. He beamed- he always did love that. I laughed, "It was enough to help me get by today. Thank you, Silas."

Emmett sprang onto the couch, and tossed backpacks into our laps. "First day of the new school, kiddos. Go get the move on."

Sighing, I willed myself to be strong today, and followed my brother out to the truck.

* * *

You know, I was tired of people.

I hated them, in fact.

Ever since I was a young boy, I was an outcast. I was the weird kid that the others avoided like the plague. It all started when I was little- all the weird things that I have grown to accept.

When I was five, when I started school, I made no friends. I created my own friend. The boy could have been my twin, he looked so much like me. He had been so vivid, so _real_, that I actually thought he existed. I had in-depth conversations with him. I could feel him when we wrestled. I could smell him- he smelt like oranges- when we sat together on the school bus. Twelve years later, I still remembered his innocent voice.

My imaginary friend stayed as an active part of my life for a long time. Mom found out about him when I was ten. She asked who I was talking to one day. I tried to introduce her to him. She got upset. I went to therapy for a while. The nice doctors helped me close my friend away. He wasn't real- they said- and I needed real friends.

Just as I turned eleven and was free of therapy, I entered middle school. Everyone already knew, by then, that I was different. I was the one who talked to 'himself'. I was the one that had a phobia of dogs for no reason. Like, a _phobia_ phobia. I couldn't even look at a large dog without having an anxiety attack.

That set my weird-meter to level two. There was this one dog I kept seeing, a big, shaggy brown one, that terrorized me. He chased me down the road once. That same day I shot him with my dad's rifle. Only, I missed somehow, and accidentally shot the mail lady in the leg.

So now I was the crazy kid, who saw little boys and dogs, and had violent urges I couldn't control.

If that weren't bad enough, literally the night of my sixteenth birthday- so almost a year ago- the dreams started. I had such vivid dreams!

First came the short girl and her husband. She had black hair, he had bronze hair. They were both pale and had honey-yellow eyes.

Then came the rest of them. The huge boy and his wife, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde. The tall blonde with the gentle smile and the lady with the soothing voice. On occasion, others would be in my dreams as well.

None of them ever had names.

But _she_ did. The beautiful one with the thick, mahogany hair. The one with soft curves, a tender smile, and stunning ruby eyes. She had a name. I never heard it in my dream, but some part of me just knew it.

I kept her to myself. I kept them all to myself. I was fucking psycho enough without telling mom or dad I thought I might love a girl from my dreams.

I'd be hugging myself in a padded room before Tuesday.

Anyway, I hated people. I hated that I cried at night because of what they called me. I hated that I felt like a freak because the other boys kicked my ass at least once a month. I hated that the girls hesitantly move out of my way as I walked the halls.

I hated my imaginary friend. I hated that fucking dog. I hated all the nameless faces that haunted me at night.

Except for the one. I loved _her_.

"Hey, freak!" I stiffened when my nickname since sixth grade was shouted across the hall. One of the boys from my class taunted, "Why aren't you talking to yourself today? Did the voices in your head finally shut up?"

One of his friends nudged him and warned, "Watch out, David. If you make him mad he might sick Kujo on us."

Everyone in the hallways started laughing. All of them. I felt my heart start to throb as their cruel laughter echoed hollowly in my ears. Tears stung my eyes and I darted down the hallway, skidding around the corner.

I slammed into something fucking _hard_. What the hell, there wasn't a wall here!

My Advanced Spanish book slipped out of my arms as I grabbed onto the wall to stop myself from falling. Did I mention I was fluent in Spanish and never learned it?

I waited to hear the book thud against the ground. Oh, who cared? Why not run right into a wall and give them something else to laugh about?

The thud did not come. In fact, it was suddenly completely silent in the hallway.

I gathered my courage and looked down. Kneeling on the ground in front of me, holding my Spanish book, was... was…

My mind blanked out as her wide golden eyes locked with mine. No, not golden. Butterscotch. Ocher. The color that peeks through the clouds just as dawn breaks.

_Beautiful_ eyes. That's what they were. Even if they weren't red.

They were eyes that did not once look away from me as she stood up and extended her arm. Her lips parted and her musical voice needlessly pointed out, "You dropped this."

My hand clasped on the other end of the book and I whispered, "Bella."

The smile that lit up her face was brighter then a million suns, and she whispered, "Jasper."

* * *


	27. His Promise

* * *

_2.0 took a step forward, her mouth open and her eyes shining with terror. Jasper grabbed her and pushed her into the other two. He gazed deeply into her eyes, kissing her then whispering something._

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(Jasper's POV)

I felt terror and distress surging of off Bella. She took a step forward, as if she was going to try and reason with Jacob. I saw the beta wolf crouch lower like he was going to spring.

It was in that moment, knowing she would get hurt no matter what, that my plan formulated. I got her into this mess. I was going to do anything I needed to if I could get her out of it.

I grabbed Bella's arm and pulled her against my chest, walking her back into Edward and Alice's general aura. They would grab her and try to hold her if they had to.

I looked into her eyes, and I saw her confusion and her sadness shining back at me. Our lips connected, starting out a little bit fierce but dying down a moment later into a tender and gentle sort of connection. I felt love radiating between us when I pulled away.

"Bella, you have to listen to me." I whispered quickly, knowing I only had a few short seconds to say what I needed her to hear. I was talking as quickly as I possibly could—her vampire mental capacity could keep up now. "I need you to stay with Edward. Do what Edward wants you to."

"Jasper-" She whined, her voice begging me not to do what we both knew I was going to.

I cut her off. "I love you, Sugar Bear."

The emotions in her said more than any words she ever could have come up with. So soft, so pure, and peaceful. That's what love felt like. It was a feeling that I cherished every moment we were together. I would always thank Bella for letting me experience such a beautiful thing, when I had never known something like it before. Not personally.

Bella whimpered, "Don't leave me."

I squeezed her hands and shook my head a little. I had to do this. I had to let the dark, evil parts of me soul take control of me. The desire to kill, the lust for blood, the hate for the enemy. Three things I promised myself were gone forever just became my closest friends.

Remorse for my long and unkind life started stabbing at me and I admitted, "I've done a lot of bad things, Bella. I never _wanted_ to be a monster. All those people I've killed... I _never_ wanted to hurt _you_."

She smiled sadly at me. "If there _is_ anyone watching over us, they know that, and they have been keeping you safe all this time to bring you to me. You can't leave now."

"Things shouldn't have happened this way." _but they just are._ I added silently. "I need you to know that we're always going to be together. No matter what happens, I'll always live if you keep me in your heart."

"You _are_ my heart, Jasper." She promised quietly. I clung desperately onto her words as I turned to face the alpha wolf, and would fight my final battle.

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(Third Person POV)

**Nine months later – River Oaks, Texas**

The small hospital room was buzzing with a tense excitement as the exhausted woman lay on the bed, clutching at her husband's hand. She had been in labor for quite a while now, but she was very close to giving birth to her miracle baby. Poor Alana had a bad history of miscarriages.

"You're doing great, sweetheart." Her husband, Kameron Hale, encouraged as he smiled down at his wife.

"Okay Mrs. Hale," the doctor cut in. He had his two nurses hovering over him, ready to do what he needed them to. He instructed, "Just _one_ more big push."

She gave the push. The baby arrived, it's frail cry filling the room a short moment later. Both the mother and the father got tears in their eyes as the doctor announced, "It's a boy."

Alana was handed the child for a short time before they had to take him and check him over. When he was deemed healthy and cleaned up, the nurse brought him back to the proud parents.

He strongly favored his father, sharing the same dark blue eyes and sturdy physique. The baby even had a curled wisp of honey-blonde hair, the color from his dad though the curls from his mother.

"Did you decide on a name that you liked?" Kameron asked, recalling there had been three that his wife had been struggling with deciding over. He personally didn't care what the boy's name was. He was just happy to finally have a child!

The woman gazed down at her bundle of joy for a while before deciding a fourth name that she hadn't thought about until just now. A name that sort of seemed a perfect fit for the little boy. "I think I like Jasper."

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_----Someone was watching over him.----_

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* * *

_**A/N:**_ I know I said that August 1st would be the release date of _Stand In The Rain_. Well that gives me one week, and all I have written of the sequel is the first chapter. The characters, the plot, and the lack of muse---it's all jumbling up horrifically in my mind and making me cringe. The story won't be the best I can make it if I start it right now. It's on an official hiatus. I _will_ post a message here (and on my profile) with a new release date once I figure one out.

* * *


	28. EVERYBODY READ THIS

Oh God, I'm going to die for this. I just know it. All of you readers, if you love me, be open-minded and try to put yourself in my shoes before you burn me to a crisp with your flames. (And heed the knowledge that I can fire back if you fan _my_ flames.)

So for the past four months, I have been eating myself alive trying to get the third installment of this up and running. I created a detailed character for New Jasper. I had a parallel plot all sorted out and everything. My desire to see how he and Bella got along with one another was there. My inspiration for weaving them an intricate, but strong, HEA was bright in my mind and just waiting to be spun into words. But nothing worked. When I opened up my Microsoft with the intention to start, something just SUCKED all of that excitement and preparation right from my fingertips. My ideas clashed and started shooting at each other. I made myself so frustrated because New Jasper was running away from me that I had a meltdown. For every single pro that this anticipated sequel had, it had three cons.

So regrettably I announce that there will _**not**_ be any third installment anymore. The Epilogue of this story is the end of the whole saga, now and forever, and I announce here and now that I will not ever again try to write the third part. I just can't do it, and I have realized why. Want to know why? I'll tell you.

I am at a place with myself, and my writing, where I have happily acknowledged that I primarily need to write for myself. Of course I try to make my plots good and interesting so all of you lovely readers will feel enthralled and engaged, but there must always be that voice in my head reminding me that I need to make _myself_ happy, too, or how can I continue writing a story that can please you? And you know what guys? I did something in Indigo Skies that feels like fan servicing to the ultimate max, and it just doesn't sit well with me. In fact, I don't think I have EVER been so unhappy with something that I "published" here on FF. I stomped that little voice into the mud face-first and kept him pinned there until I was too far into the plot to turn back.

Jacob should have won.

I had decided in an early chapter, and any fan of this story should know which I mean, that I sort of _did_ want to end this Jake/Bella. I had a deeply rooted feeling that he really is what was best for her and Silas. He was always going to be there for her, ready to protect her from harm. To cry with her when she was sad. To laugh with her during the good times. He was going to be her everything, because she was _his_ everything. He was already a better, safer dad for Silas than Jasper ever was. Fate made damn sure that Jacob would never stray from her side, no matter what. (So long as she was human, of course.)

I knew, though, that so many of you had dedicated yourself to reading the saga and making it my most popular one because it was Jasper/Bella. I knew that I had promised you guys Jasper would come back, so naturally he returned. And then what happened? What did I do that went against my very heart and soul? I made Jasper's re-entry into the story SO EPIC that I remembered why I had loved him in the first place. Maybe he _wasn't_ perfect for her like Jake was, but so what? He was sweet and warm in a way Jake never could be. He was Bella's morphine, and she was so addicted to him that she clouded my mind and made me latch onto her Jasper as violently as she did in chapter fifteen.

It was at that point that I assaulted the aforementioned little voice, and made my muse help tie him down for the remainder of the story. With him gone, there was nothing stopping me from ripping apart the plans Fate had made for Bella, and taping it up the way Bella wanted it to be. I thought that I was as happy with the decisions made as you all were. I thought that Jake had his HEA so I didn't have to feel bad, and that Bella would eventually get her HEA so it was all good.

I thought wrong. I'm telling you right now that if I did happen to write the third installment to this story, it would be horrible. There would be so much angst and difficulty, so _very_ little hope for Bella and New Jasper honestly loving one another (rather than just thinking they do because they think they should) that I feel I would be wronging you guys by writing it. At least with the Epilogue, you all have creative right to think of ANY sort of fairytale story for New Jasper and Bella that you want to. If I leave it where it is, there is nothing but boundless oceans of hope and possibility for your imaginations to explore.

I really hope you guys can understand why I am doing this, and even if you can't, respect the fact that I am doing it because it's what's best for the story.

---The Only Pancake


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